lament for her

		there's the odour of incense
		and i double in pain
		and i flick through the past
		as arrayed in my mind
		on a bed in a room
		that's locked on some hill
		i'm gripping her hand
		as she cries to the wall 

		the years stumble away
		and the pain dissipates
		Suzanne is clad in blues
		with a mark in her hand
		the lines round her lips
		are now scars in my mind
		down at the quayside
		through the sun's rising mists
		Suzanne drags me down
		all this world's in your mind
		can salvation emerge
		from the well of this dream?

		where the horses run formless
		the sky cancels its stars
		then the fumes of the incense
		rise across the walls
		and she watches me sideways
		like the world is on fire
		between the beat of her heart
		and her gesture of fingers
		the grip in her hands
		as it beckons through me
		she smiles through my pain
		and my loss yet to come
		i wait on the platform
		for our lives to restart
		and i wanted to tell her
		how all my hearts felt
		but my words barb inside me
		and my lips cannot part
		from the twisting of smokes
		as we sit in her room
		to the sorrow i feel
		as i fall out of dreams
		inexplicable sadness
		this gash that i feel
		devoid of her moon
		and ripped of my sun
		
		if i knew at that joining
		if i knew at that parting
		if i knew at that second
		if i knew at that moment
		
		the candlewax melts
		and the water stops shining
		that which is started
		is so easily falling
		from cathedrals of sand
		that the ocean laps away
		and sometimes i wake empty
		and she floats through my symbols
		and i move as to hold her
		and
		
		lament for my Suzanne
		i wait for you still