~Step Two~

~July 11, 1998.~

Um...Hey...if you read my other post...you will understand this one! I did it...

I went to our local police station...I was SO nervous...I had to sit in the car for a few

minutes to try to calm my heart and my fears and figure out what I was going to

say...I got up to the door and it was LOCKED! I very carefully read the sign that

was posted...to make sure I read it right...it said 'if office is locked, use phone and

dial 0'...I thought...what phone? Then I looked to my right and there was the phone

so I calmed down...I wasn't going to call..I thought....'what if it is only for

emergencies'....but I read it again and it didn't say that...so I dialed and I got a

dispatcher and explained I was standing outside the department and she asked if I

had something to report and I said no, I had some questions...she found someone

inside and said they would come and let me in...I walked in there, said 'hello'...head

high, shoulders back and sunglasses ON...he asked nicely what he could do for me

and I said I had some questions...wondering about how to go about looking into an

old case...involving me....he said well, it depends whether the file is even still

there...and I said I know...I was wondering how long you keep them...he said it

depends on what kind and then quickly said he didn't mean he was asking me a

personal question, and I said that's fine and blurted out, it's a child sexual abuse

case..mine...he was really good...he said quietly...those never get destroyed...so...I

got some of my questions answered...told him about wanting to be a cop..he was

really a nice man...you don't meet too many of them...and I felt...almost

calm....when I walked out...I felt good....I actually smiled...he shook my hand and

wished me the best of luck...asked about my horses when I mentioned it..etc,

etc....now for my next step...he said to go to the main office...about 40 mins away

(mon - fri 9-5) and ask for the duty sergeant (who's a man) and tell him this and that

there is a separate division just for sexual abuse and they would help me out and

give me an appointment etc...he also said I have to ask you what information you

want and i told him I just wanted the truth cause I have been told different stories by

the same people...he understood that...would like to find out all I can tho...like why

they didn't remove his sister from the home when she was also being abused..why

the case got screwed up...etc etc etc...it's going to be a long haul...

One other hurdle jumped....stopped by a friend's house..told her I was at least

bisexual if not gay...she was so cool..talked to her for awhile...and specifically about

an incident the other night...I felt ok after that too...

Kinda woozy now but not so bad as before..my head is spinning a bit...I feel kinda

dizzy...so much stress I guess....

Love to all

Meggie