Ok, ALL these jokes have to do with men and they may offend some people. I don't mean to but I had to put them up cause some men fit these to a T but others don't. So if you think this will offend you then LEAVE! If not ENJOY!
What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know, it has never happened.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you.
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "filthy but wearable."
What did God say after creating man?
"I can do better."
What are the two reasons men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind
2. No business
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares.
What is a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
If men got pregnant--
Abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive thru windows.
Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.
Why are men like popcorn?
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
What do men and women have in common?
They both distrust men.
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.
How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
Castrated.
What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds mature.
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
Few women admit their age.
Few men act theirs.
How is a man and a sports car alike?
Neither one can be depended on and they both move to fast.
Why don't men often show their true feelings?
Because they don't have any.
Why did God make man before woman?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.
Why are men so happy?
Because ignorance is bliss.
Men get laid, but woman get screwed.
What do men consider foreplay?
Half an hour of begging.
How do you confuse a man?
You don't have to, they're born that way.
Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
What does P.M.S stand for?
Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity.
Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.
What should you give a man that has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker and the other is a fish.
Explain to me again WHY I need a man?
Why do men like blond jokes so much?
Because they can understand them.
Boys are immature, guys are jerks, men are rare.
Why don't men wear tight underwear?
It cuts off circulation to the brain.
Two men went hunting, they saw a sign that said "bear left" so they went home.
Men are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Why do men die before their wives?
They should.
Why are hangovers better than men?
Hangovers will go away.
Why don't men make ice cubes?
They don't know the recipe.
Whats the difference between a womans zipper and a mans zipper?
When a woman upzips her pants her brains don't fall out.
If we can send one man to the moon, why can't we send them all there?
Men are living proof that women can take a joke.
I think, therefore I am single.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door.
Back to my odds and ends page