Dear AMS,
     My pet goat usually lives outside right behind our house, but all of a sudden, he keeps bleating that he wants to move his things inside and live with us. Larrue (that's his name) knows we have a spare bedroom since our oldest son went into the merchant marine, and he swears he'll be neat and clean up. The big question is, should we let Larrue into the house to live with us? I mean I don't think I really care what our neighbors think, but they could make life difficult for us. Oh yes, my wife Loorna said she'd leave me if Larrue comes inside. How do I choose between Loorna and Larrue?
     Thanks for any input you can provide to help me decide.

Yerz,

Denny G.,
Bayshore, Long Island
 

Dear Denny,
   Let’s see…you’ve interpreted Larrue’s bleating into meaning, “Can I move my things inside now that your son is a merchant marine?”  Hmm… You aren’t Dr. Dolittle are you? Because I’m wondering how you know this. And what things would that be? A tin can? Or does he have a little apartment set up out back?  Here is what I think. Your son is gone and you miss him. So you are replacing him with your next most beloved thing, your goat. This isn’t sitting well with the wife because, well, to her it’s an old smelly goat. (and how many does she need in the house?) Now maybe he told you he’d be neat and clean, but I think Loorna would beg to differ. So if it comes down to choosing between the wife and the goat consider this: Who's going to keep you warmer at night? Now don't rush that thought, but therein lies your answer.
 

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