Shirley: You've got a lot of good stuff Darlene.
Darlene: You think? I have all the new items out. But I've forgotten what I even have in half of these boxes. This is what I packed up after last year's sale.
Shirley: Oh yea. I've already seen some things I'm going to buy. How much did you want for this candy dish?
Darlene: 50 cents.
Shirley: Really?? Is that all? This is a nice dish. OK I definitely want that.
Darlene: I got it at another yard sale last year. I think I only paid 50cents for it. I used to put little chocolates in it on the kitchen table until I realized I had gained 10 pounds.
Shirley: Well I love it. I'm going to buy some mints and put it on my coffee table.
Darlene: Get some of those colorful mints with the pinks and yellows and greens.
Shirley: Oh yea I will. (looking at some kid's clothes) How much for these kid's jeans?
Darlene: I don't know...50 cents?
Shirley: The knees aren't even worn through on these. Are you sure?
Darlene: I got them at the thrift store. Shelly only wore them twice then suddenly they were too tight.
Shirley: The candy?
Darlene: Yea...
Shirley: Well I want them.
Darlene: (Putting out a table of kitchen items). This table is going to be all kitchen items. I have so many I don't know if they'll all fit even.
Shirley: Have you marked everything already?
Darlene: No I was so busy this week I didn't have time. I think I'll just put a sign on the table: "50 cents each." What do you think?
Shirley: Even for this waffle iron??
Darlene: Well it only heats on high. And the coating is worn off the iron part so you can't even get the burnt waffles off without tearing and shredding them. Its completely useless.
Shirley: But 50 cents!!!??? Look at all this metal!
Darlene: Hmm...I'll put it towards the front. It'll look like I have some real bargains.
Shirley: (Notices a mower) Ted doesn't want his riding lawn mower?? I thought he loved that mower. He has a picture of himself riding on it a few years back on his desk with you and the kids clipping the hedges in the background. Didn't you even have a Christmas card made with that picture a few years back?
Darlene: Don't remind me of the mower Christmas card! He mailed those cards behind my back. There he is on his mower looking proud and all you can see of me is my big behind! I see red every time I think of that!
Shirley: I saved mine. I just liked the sentiment..."Have yourself a mowy little Christmas".
Darlene: That lawn mower doesn't cut grass worth a hoot. But Ted insists its fine. Well I'm selling it and using part of my sale money and getting something that doesn't chop my lawn up like a meat grinder.
Shirley: And Ted doesn't mind? I can't believe that!
Darlene: Ted's at work. I'm hoping to sell it before he gets home. Otherwise I'll wheel it back into the shed before he knows any better.
Shirley: Oh lord Darlene..are you sure that's a good idea? He's going to go through the roof.
Darlene: I'm going to get him a new one. He's going to fall in love with the new one.
Shirley: How much are you going to ask for it?
Darlene: Well I was thinking $50. What do you think?
Shirley: Shoot I didn't bring enough.
Customer: How much for this pan?
Darlene: 50 cents. All the kitchen items are 50 cents. (Moves the big sign to the center of the table.)
Customer: Even for this old spatula?
Darlene: Well..I suppose all these utensils could be 2 for 50 cents.
Customer: 2 for 50 cents! These old things are worth maybe 10 cents each.
Darlene: OK OK.. 5 for 50 cents.
Customer: Well your sign doesn't say that. You should fix your sign. (Wanders to another table with a few utensils.)
Darlene changes the sign and empties out a few other boxes. Customer returns with a handful of items.
Darlene: OK let's see what you have. 8 items at 50 cents and these 5 utensils. OK that's $4.50.
Customer hands Darlene $3.00 and then counts out another 50 cents in change.
Darlene: $4.50 not $3.50...
Customer: I'll give you $3.50.
Darlene: I'm giving you all these utensils for 50 cents as is. These shoes are barely worn...
Customer: Come on...$3.50.
Darlene: This is two bags worth of good useable stuff! You can't go to the store and pay $4.50 for this much good useable stuff!
Customer: $3.50.
Darlene: $4.00
Customer: OK $4.00 (pays and leaves.)
Shirley: 5 utensils for free. Your sign doesn't say that. You need to fix your sign.
Darlene: Very funny Shirl. I hate bartering. I'm giving good stuff at a fair price. I shouldn't have to lower my price.
Shirley: I know where you're coming from. Last month at my sale I gave someone a bag of clothing, 8 or 10 paperback books, Barney's old 8 track and a set of ice tea glasses for 50 cents.
Darlene: Each?
Shirley: No the whole thing. That customer was sharp.
Darlene: Did you make much at your sale?
Shirley: I think I made about $75. I cleaned out a bunch of closets. My big sale item was Barney's old hunting rifle. I got $20 for that alone.
Darlene: And he blew his stack.
Shirley: He hasn't gone hunting in 3 years. Its just been collecting dust.
Darlene: LaWanda your neighbor called and said she could hear Barney hollering through her walls while she was sitting in her kitchen. So I heard all about it.
Shirley: It was a nasty scene. Anyway, I did treat him to El Hungry Hombre for dinner to make up. I think the bill was $28 with tip.
Darlene: It goes fast.
Shirley: It sure does.
Man drives up in a truck and looks over the mower.
Customer: How much for the mower?
Darlene: I was wanting $200....
Customer: How old is it?
Darlene: 20 years old. But it works fine. You can start it up.
Customer: You're not going to get $200 for this. Its rusty. The blades look badly worn.
Darlene: I could go as low as $150 I suppose.
Customer starts up the mower after several attempts and test drives it.
Customer: I'm going to look around. I saw another for $50.
Darlene: Well I just opened a short while ago. So I'm sure I'll be able to get $150 at least.
Customer: Right. Good luck. (Customer leaves.)
Shirley: I thought you only wanted $50 for that mower.
Darlene: Well he was going to talk me down regardless so I had to start high. I'm no good at this bartering thing Shirley. They're strong. I'm weak.
Shirley: Ted is going to go ballistic if you sell it.
Darlene: Yea well I'm going to get him a brand spanking new one. How can he not be happy?
Shirley: Didn't he basically rebuild that mower? It has a racing car engine in it I think he told me once. I think it makes him feel like he's driving in the NASCAR races.
Darlene: I'm tired of the NASCAR. I've got NASCAR dodads in every corner of my house. The first thing people ask me when they come into my living room is, "Does your husband race for a living??" And then I have to say "No, my husband just collects all this junk so that he can feel like he's at the tracks when he watches it from his recliner every weekend."
Shirley: I know. I've heard you say that many times...
Customer: I'm ready to check out.
Darlene: I see you found alot of my kid's clothes. Did you get a chance to look over the adult clothes?
Customer: Nothing looked good. The colors are all too...different. And none are my style. Sorry.
Darlene: Oh. Did you see my table of kitchen items? I have loads of items all 50 cents.
Customer: 50 cents for a plate is a bit high don't you think?
Darlene: Well there is nearly an entire set there. And they aren't chipped. I broke a few items but you could probably put together a service for 6 with plates, bowls, cups, saucers.
Customer: Well I could use a set. But I wouldn't spend 50 cents for every item! I might pay 25 cents each...
Darlene: This was a good and fairly expensive set. It goes from the freezer to the microwave. You'd be getting a good deal for 50 cents each.
Customer: I'll give you $3.00 for everything. (Pulls out the $3.00 and puts it on the table.)
Darlene: I'm sorry but that's 24 items. That's $12.00 for the set.
Customer: I think I saw this in your sale last year.
Darlene: Yea...
Customer: I'll give you $4.00. You won't have to pack it up again for next year.
Darlene: (angry) Fine....
Customer: Here's another $2.00 for the kid's clothes.
Darlene: That's 12 items you have there. That's $6.00.
Customer: $3.00
Darlene: $6.00. If you only have $3.00 then I'll just put these 6 items back on the table...
Customer hands her $6.00.
Darlene: Thank you. (Customer leaves and drives off.) SORRY I didn't have any of your style ugly house dresses...
Shirley: Would you like me to run inside and get you a diet coke Darlene? You're looking a little hot.
Darlene: Its hot and humid today. I'm burning up.
A few hours pass. Man in the truck returns to see the mower.
Customer: I see you still have the mower.
Darlene: I've had a lot of people looking at it. A few said they may be back.
Customer: Still wanting $100 for it?
Darlene: $200.
Customer: I thought you wanted $100 because I was going to offer you $50. (Pulls out $50.)
Darlene: $200. It has a NASCAR racing engine in it.
Customer (Checks the engine): That's not possible. Look I'll give you $75 for it.
Darlene: This is a custom seat. My husband special ordered it. Once he mowed the entire neighborhood, which took him a good 6-7 hours stopping only for a quick lunch, got off that mower and took me out dancing afterwards. And he two-stepped me off the dance floor. Its that good.
Customer: I'll admit the seat looks especially deluxe and comfortable. But the mower is 20 years old. I'll give you $85. I think that's more than fair.
Darlene: You can't find another mower with a spoiler on the back like this one.
Customer: Yes that's unique. OK $100.
Darlene: Take it for another test spin. Its smooth.
Customer: It was a smooth ride yes. But its rusty and its blades are worn.
Darlene: That's all fixable.
Another customer watches from the sides.
Second customer: I'll give you $150 for it.
First customer: Look, you wanted $200 and I'll give you the $200.
Second customer: I'll give you $300.
First customer: $300! This isn't an auction. But OK I'll give you $350.
Second customer: $400.
First customer: Have you looked at this thing? Its blades are bad.
Second customer: I saw it earlier. I have no problem with that. It has a 20HP engine in it. $400.
First customer: Yea I know... $500!
Second customer: Woah. This guy is serious.
First customer: I'm serious.
Second customer: Hmmm...I'm going to go out on a limb. This is one special mower. I'll give you $600.
First customer: You're crazy! Or maybe I am. I'll go $700. That's final.
Second customer: Well I'm out. I'm jealous! That's one fine looking mower.
First customer: I know..custom rebuilt. I could tell that right away.
I'm going to have to run to my bank and get you the $700. Take this $50 as a downpayment. It'll take me about 15 minutes! Whatever you do, don't sell that mower! (Customer drives off quickly).
Second customer: Darlene what are you doing trying to sell my mower?
Darlene: Ted don't shoot me...I was going to get you another one with my yard sale money. That old thing doesn't mow worth a darn.
Ted: It mows fine. Its just old. But hey, if you want me to get a new one that's fine with me. $700 is a good start.
Darlene: Good start? How much are riding mowers????
Ted: Well I'd say you better start pushing those 50 cents cookie sheets and waffle irons because I'm gonna need as much as you can get.
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