I'm crazy for chubby girls. Not six-hundred-pound fatso-monster girls, but girls with some definite pudge. Ginger Spice fat. Monica Lewinski circa Whitewater fat. Anna Niccole pre-E! fat. Fat girls usually have really pretty hair and nice makeup - they think they're "compensating" for their chubbiness, when in fact they're just putting some nice gift-wrapping on an already irresistible package! - and they tend to be super-feminine in a really noisy, fun way. Nobody screams in bed like a chubby girl. They've got a lot of lung power.

There are a few drawbacks to dating a chubby girl. For one thing, most of them are completely nuts. Fat girls have "body issues"; they've been brainwashed by the media to think that they're ugly because they don't look like Calista Flockhart (yuck), so they're completely obsessed with their butts. You can tell a chubby girl that you love her giant butt all the live-long day, but you'll never convince her that that butt is a good thing. If you ever date a fat girl, expect to be asked, "Do I look fat?" about fifteen times a day. Of course, this question can only have one answer. Don't ever tell her that she's chubby, not even as a compliment, or she'll probably lock herself in the bathroom and cry for hours.

It's best to hook up with a chubby girl once she's already chubby, but I've always gotten a sick thrill from turning a skinny girl into a big, fat girl. You just keep feeding her all the time, offering her cookies and pie and lots of cake. Take her out for fast food several times a week, and feed her all your fries. Buy her chocolates, constantly. Most girls can say no to sex a lot more easily than they can say no to food; sweets are their achilles heel. You have to be careful that you don't get fat yourself when you're doing all this, so just nibble at your own food while you watch your poor girlfriend innocently gobble down hers. You'll probably notice that she's putting on weight before she does, but if she asks if she's looking chubby, deny everything and stuff a donut in her mouth before she knows what hit her. Inside every skinny girl there's a fat girl waiting to happen, and once you get a skinny girl over her food phobia, you can just sit back and watch her grow a little more voluptuous every day. All of your hard work will be rewarded as you watch her figure blossom; her cleavage deepens, her ass protrudes, she grows a cute, soft little belly that pokes out over the waistband of her panties... and it's all your handiwork! Fattening a girl up is an art, and the practitioner is rewarded with an indescribable sense of accomplishment, along with other, more tangible delights.

I must caution you that you have to be extremely subtle and sneaky when you embark on a campaign to fatten a girl up. If she figures out what you're up to halfway through, she'll be furious... and she'll be big enough now that she could probably kick your ass. The trick is to fatten her up slowly enough that she doesn't notice how much weight she's putting on. As the months go by she'll go up a dress size or two (or three, or four,) and then one day she'll look in the mirror and realize her worst nightmare has come true: she's a fatso. There will probably be tears and despair, and it's up to you to lavish the poor dear with love, hugs, and comfort foods. She will probably announce that she's going to begin a fierce excercise/diet regimen. Do not actively oppose her in this, but reassure her repeatedly that she looks just wonderful the way she is, and craftily undermine her weight-loss efforts at every opportunity. It may sound cruel, but you're actually doing her a favor. Once she learns to accept her zaftig new physique, you'll have freed her from the endless, hopeless struggle of trying to live up to the absurd contemporary Western standards of beauty. Besides, once she sees how much affection you lavish on her big, soft body, she'll never look back!

Once you've gotten a girl to a satisfying level of fatness, you cannot simply sit back and assume she will stay there. With time, girls with Monica Lewinsky pudge tend to bloat into girls in the Mama Cass league. Look at Liz Taylor, or Delta Burke, or Kirstie Alley, or Anna Niccole, a cautionary tale if ever there was one. That "pleasantly plump" stage tends to be sadly short-lived. You must carefully monitor your fatty's food intake, making sure that she always stays within that special range of curviness in which boys will she think is sexy, and girls will call her a "cow" behind her back. If you're just going to let a girl stuff herself into blobhood, you're not doing her, or yourself, any favors. 

The care and feeding of a fat girl is an awesome responsibility.  A fat girl is like a garden; beautiful, abundant, and terribly fragile. Treat her well, and she will yield up all of her ripe and wondrous fruit. Neglect her, and she will overgrow, and spoil.