When I was in kindergarten, the teacher read us a fairy tale about a peasant boy who was accidentally turned into a handsome prince by a fairy. The boy was really upset about his transformation, but the more the fairy tried to change him back, the more she fucked things up. She waved her wand, and POOF!, he was a dragon. She tried again, and POOF!, he was a frog. She tried again, and POOF!, he turned into a beautiful princess. A beautiful princess. I was very disappointed at the end of the story, when the fairy finally figured out how to turn the peasant boy back into himself. I'm sure there was some dopey moral about staying true to yourself or whatever, but as far as I was concerned the guy was a fool for not staying a beautiful princess when he had the chance. Now, that would have been a happily ever after. 

It gets so boring being one person all the time. I wish life was like fairy tales, where you can cast a magic spell on yourself, or make a wish on a falling star, or sign a contract with the devil, and POOF!, you're somebody else. If I had magic powers, I could be a big Anna Niccole Smith amazon for a while, and when that got boring, POOF!, I'd become an Audrey Hepburn waif. Of course, if I could be anything, I wouldn't just be a normal human girl all the time. I can think of all kinds of things it'd be a blast to transform myself into. Things like... 

A sexy dress. Just imagine having yourself stretched skin-tight over the curves of a gorgeous girl! I'd cling to her warm, soft body, from the top of her breasts to halfway down her thighs, and as my fabric expanded and contracted with her every breath, I'd know her more intimately than any lover could. I wouldn't be merely touching her; I'd be her second skin. 

A female centaur. I'd gallop through primeval forests, the sun glimmering on the golden fur of my four long legs, my tail swishing gracefully through the air behind me, my bare breasts bouncing sorely against my ribs. I'd let nice people ride me for free, but if anybody tried to use a riding crop on me, I'd kick 'em with my big horsey hooves! 

A mermaid. I can't swim, but I think I'd be great at sunning myself on rocks and leading sailors to a watery grave. 

Maybe I'll never get to be any of these things, but that doesn't mean I can't transform myself. As Ursula, I've become an exotic vamp with spooky eyes, short skirts, & deep cleavage, a far cry from the innocent little boy who sat listening to that crazy story in kindergarten all those years ago. 

POOF!