I don't believe it. I've finally been harassed for being Chinese. Not the random "chink!" screamed from the car next to mine on the Beltway. Nor the usual petty sniping by kids in high school. But the first time by a person that I have worked with and known for almost three years, and yet - he still made jokes that made me feel that I'm less then an American.
Of course, we all have heard my rants and arguments comparing the US government with the Mafia, or my problems with the way minorities are treated in the country. But through it all, they have all been nothing more then intellectual discussions, arguments and diatribes that were more for the joy of the argument then any deeply held belief.
If you asked me - any day except today, what I was, I would have replied that I am an Asian American. But my first reaction today, is that, I am an American. And no one has a right, to say that I am anything less.
So, how did all this start?
Earlier in the week, during a committee meeting on our company's holiday party, I suggested that we do karaoke. I know, that in itself is a heinous sin, but that still doesn't excuse what happened next. The only problem, I said, was that all my discs were in Chinese, so someone would need to bring in American songs.
Then, HE spoke. "Yeah, or else we'll all be doing the 'ching chong chan chink'" he said, in that hateful singsong voice. My face flushed red with embarrassment. Then I reminded myself that I was no longer the seven year old girl, ashamed of being anything other then a blonde hair, blue eyed American. Then my flush of embarrassment turned to anger. It took the cajoling of my coworkers to calm me down. Even then, I let him now how offended I was by the comment.
A day later, I was able to see it in a new light. We were in a meeting where I was coming up with some rather goofy ideas. We were all laughing and kidding around. It's not that far to see how the jokes could have crossed the line. Besides, wasn't I the one that first brought up that all my music was in Chinese? It was understandable, I suppose, and shrugged it off.
Last night, we had our holiday party and yes; we even had the karaoke out. It was fun and incredibly silly, and the final song that we sang that night (our memorial to September 11th and all that had happened since then), was "Proud to be an American". And at that moment, I truly did feel patriotic pride. Tears threatened to roll down my face, as I thought of all the people that have died so that I could stand there, singing with my friends, with the feeling of security, taken for granted.
Yes it was cheesy, and incredibly cliché. But that doesn’t negate my feelings any less.
So, it was around four in the afternoon, when I went to get more tea. He was there, blocking my way.
"So, what's with you people, anyway?" He said.
"What? What do you mean, 'my' people", I reply, my eyes glittering, as I crossed my arms. I had a feeling what was coming next, but I figured the snarl that was on my lips, would make him stop, before he said something that he would regret.
"You know. You people. I was just at Best Buy and there were five people in line with karaoke machines."
"So?" I replied.
"Well, they were all Chinese. What's up with that?"
At first too stunned to believe that he actually said that, I was dumbfounded into silence.
Then all those years of being called "chink" and "pancake face" came rushing back. "How do you know that they were Chinese?" I said with deadly calm, "how do you know they weren't Japanese or Korean or Vietnamese?"
Either he was too stupid to realize now angry I was becoming (although one would have to be blind not to see the fury in every tremor of my body), or he was just so insensitive as not to care.
"I asked them of course. Besides, you all look the same." Then he paused, and as if to correct himself, "or do you prefer to be called Asians?"
My first reply when he said that my people were Chinese, should have been a sharp retort that I was as much as an American as he was. But I didn't and that was my first mistake. My second should have been to just walk away before the conversation got to the point that it did. But too many years of trying to fit in…too many years of turning the other cheek just burned in my soul.
No, I have not personally served in the military. But my cousin Wayne is a proud member of the United States Navy. No, I have not made any laws, but I am as politically active as I can fit in my schedule. I may not have been born on American soil, but my brother was, and I am just as American as he was, if not more.
Fortunately, I have an incredible boss, who immediately offered to go to Human Resources and have this dealt with. I really don't want to make ways, nor do I want him to be fired because of this. However, this was twice in a week, and my days of turning the other cheek is over.
I am stronger now, and I have the strength to fight back. No longer am I the little "chink-girl" that runs away with embarrassment, hiding tears of frustration and anger. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I feel belittled. But I am an American and I am proud to be one.
Fortunately for me, there are now laws and sentiment that will support my cause. As Fozzie says in the Muppet Movie, "pride swells in the heart of the American bear". I am an American bear. I may not be the poster child for the image of a "pure blooded American", but I am still an American and proud to be one.
Maybe that was what Fozzie was trying to say. That not all Americans are the same. But through it all, we are all Americans none the less.
And I dare anyone to say anything to the contrary.