Hello Darlings, Mya Cash, media mogul, here to tell you it is once again necessary for the Billionaires for Bush & Bloomberg (and our wholly-owned subsidiary, Billionaires for Bush’s War) to take to the streets and counter-protest the rabble-rousers bent on challenging the corporate welfare we know is our birthright. Tomorrow, 10/4 at noon, Ralph Nader and his anti-corporate cronies are converging on our home-away-form home, the NYC stock exchange. We Billionaires will be there to tell him to go home, and we hope our fellows in wealth will join us. If you are a billionaire – or just a measly millionaire – we invite you to join us tomorrow at noon in attire befitting your stature. Wear jewels, tiaras, gold-plated walking sticks, gowns, tuxedos, suits and money ties, and bring cash galore. We need singers for our two songs, Billionaires for Bush’s War (to the tune of The Caissons go Marching Along) and “Billionaires for Bush’s War Fight Song” – lyrics below. Please feel free to forward the release below to any potential billionaire participants, wealth-aspirants, or mediamakers. Tah tah, lovies, Mya Cash (here, as always, to remind you that the nightly news is brought to you by Mya
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Press Contact: Mya Cash Cell: 347-564-5190 3 October 2002 BIG MONEY- UNITED! YOU PEOPLE AIN’T INVITED! Billionaires for Bush and Bloomberg Tell Ralph Nader To Go Home Friday, 10/4/02, Noon, Wall Street NEW YORK — On Friday, October 4, from 12:00 to 1:30 pm, the Billionaires for Bush’s War, a wholly-owned subsidiary of the NYC Billionaires for Bush & Bloomberg, will protest consumer advocate Ralph Nader at his “Crackdown on Corporate Crime” rally. The protest will take place on the steps of Federal Hall, facing the New York Stock Exchange, on the corner of Wall Street and Broad Street. “Nader is a wealth trader,” said Ivanna Cheetum, a long-time Billionaire, speaking from her penthouse office at the law firm of Cheetum, Burnham and Runn. “He promotes ‘justice-oriented’ causes—a vast waste of precious resources—resources that could and should be kept in the hands of the few!” The Billionaires also plan to visit some old friends. On special leave from prison, CEO stars Kenneth Lay, Dennis Kozlowski, Bernard Ebbers and Martha Stewart will attend Nader’s rally in an 8 x 8 jail cell. “Shame on Kenneth Lay!” fumed broadcast media mogul Mya Cash. “By getting caught, he ruins things for the rest of us. His biggest mistake was hiring the wrong accountant—those fools under-cooked the books. We don’t need that kind of PR. That’s why I’ve instructed my media properties to lay off the corporate fraud exposés and focus on all this lovely war talk,” Cash explained. While indignant that corporations have been getting such a bad rap, the Billionaires are buoyed by recent census data, which shows that the most affluent fifth of the population received half of all household income last year, up from 45 percent in 1985. Moreover, the poorest fifth received 3.5 percent of total household income, down from 4 percent in 1985. “As Martha would say, ‘It’s a good thing,’” chuckled Cash. “This new data assures us that the American economy is getting back to normal. Welfare for the wealthy, keep our profits healthy – that’s what we Billionaires for Bush & Bloomberg always say,” Cash added. “And speaking of robust profits, there’s nothing like a good war,” Cash crowed. “Our wholly-owned subsidiary, Billionaires for Bush’s War, is excited about projected profit margins from our impending Iraq project. We sell bombs, ‘copters and tanks, but there’s no need to tell us thanks: you’ll be buying your weapons from us.” The Billionaires for Bush and Bloomberg are available for interviews. Contact Mya Cash –or her “indentured servant,” Jennifer L. Pozner, Women In Media & News (WIMN), at 347-564-5190 for scheduling.