By: Bob Criswell
HITCHING RAIL GOSSIP
Three fellas had gathered at the hitchin' rail
to gather the news from around the town.
One of them wore a sneaky grin,
the others toted a puzzled frown.
The Indians call it moccasin telegraph.
That's how their news will travel.
The cowboys meet 'round the hitching rail,
to listen while folks private lives unravel.
"Ya heard about the widow Comstock",
one of those fellas whispered to his friend.
"Ol Willie Comstock died from poison mushrooms.
That's how he came to an early end".
One of the other hands said, "That ain't all.
I heard 'bout the widows first husband Clyde.
Those poison mushrooms were found on his plate
and that's how her first husband died."
"Yea, I'll tell ya the best one yet.
Remember the widow was courtin' ole Jed",
blerted the other fella at the hitching rail.
"Now I'll tell you how he came up dead.
"She tried to feed him those poison mushrooms,
so they said in the coutroom litigation.
Ole Jed refused to eat the tainted morsels
and the widow killed him by strangulation".
WHO'S THAT GAL?
Ever think of comin' up
against a female with a gun?
You rode your horse into town
just lookin' for some fun.
There's a gal strollin' 'cross the street
wearin' boots and a saddle skirt.
You cocked your hat, shinned your boot tips
and then proceeded to flirt.
'Bout that time you caught her eyes
and they filled with fire and flame.
Now your thinkin' you bit off
a little more than you can tame.
She pulls a pistol from her hip
and sets the hammer back,
and then a voice from Hades
says, "What's your problem Jack?"
Your slobber out a couple words
that make no sense at all
to this female stick of dynamite
who's only five feet tall.
You head for cover between
the buildings from whence you came
and ask a bystander, "Who's that gal?"
and he says, "Annie Oakley is her name".
THE RESULTS OF HIGHER LEARNING
This cowboy from a back country ranch
decided to go to town.
He figured he'd try to visit
the biggest one around.
Found him one of those fancy shirts,
put on his finest jeans and hat,
got some lilac water
and gave his face a pat.
He bought a stagecoach ticket
for a place called San Francisco
where folk never heard a cowboy drawl
or seen one with legs that bow.
Upon steppin' down from the stage
he got a rude awakening.
There stood a citified lady and boy
laughin' so hard they were shakin'.
The boy said, "Look at his funny legs".
His Mon said, "Mind your manners please."
So the kid reworded his ill mannered speech,
"Behold, what manner of men are these
who wear their legs in parentheses?"
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