on a winter's night

replete with sapphire martinis and phone calls to tiffany's

our paths crossed by chance

i was swiftly spellbound by your flirtatious charms

and wanted nothing more than to follow you

down whatever yellow brick road you were headed for

with no idea that what would come would change my life so profoundly

days later that fateful icy-hot bluest of sundays unfolded

it was hell... and heaven... inextricably bound together

but one partly of my own creation

the glitter of your eyes and the seduction of power so compelling

what transpired then propelled me on a path of revelations

which opened my jaded eyes, my fortressed mind, and my bound heart

a neophyte poised on the edge of a new world

after a while i could no longer discern

what was real and what was not

though i'd spent days imprinting on myself

'nothing here is real'

in a lovely shade of india ink

and though i'd been stung here twice before

on this day the feelings in my heart knew differently

i asked you then 'what is real and what is not?'

and you replied in an alice in wonderland kind of riddle

everything... and yet... nothing

you were the caterpillar constantly changing form

or the cheshire cat appearing and disappearing at will

i could no sooner walk away

than i could drag the diamond-honed knife across my face

though in some certain ways... that blade would have been easier

the feelings engendered were so real

yet you told me... not to waste them on you

i... did not know how... to do anything else

i have been to heaven and hell

several times since those sapphire nights

i have seen people connect to me on so many levels

underneath my snappy exterior, feelings flow like liquid glass

i have seen the same people with whom i was so entwined

walk away without a glance backwards...

though my unbound ruby heart would wish otherwise

this series of revelations have put me squarely where i need to be in my

life

i am learning to accept the losses

and i can now see that our sapphire sunday

plunked me face to face at the door i have evaded for years

and in facing it and walking through the fire

as i now have no other choice

i will set myself free of the past forever

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