Words to Live By
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried..
* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking..
* He who hesitates is probably right..
* Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with..
* No one is listening until you make a mistake..
* The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required on it..
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research..
* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles..
* Two wrongs are only the beginning..
* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive..
* The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard..
* Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life..
* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up..
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory..
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before..
* Change is inevitable.....except from vending machines..
* Don't sweat petty things......or pet sweaty things..
* A fool and his money are soon partying..
* Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation..
* If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments..
* Attempt to get a new car for your spouse--it'll be a great trade! * Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's a scenic route..
* Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
* Guests who kill talk show hosts...On the last Geraldo..
* Don't be a sexist; broads hate that!
* Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener..
* Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned..
* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks..
* Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now..
* Eagles may soar, but weasles aren't sucked into jet engines..
* Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back..
* Beware of geeks bearing gifs..
* Half the people you know are below average..
* 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name..
* 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot..
* If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you......


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