horrible puns

Two Eskimos sitting in a Kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. the bartender says "we don't' serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"(fungi in case you don't get it like Betty)

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: " I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says I'll just have the "eggs benedict". His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

When she told me I was average she was just being mean.

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you alright?" "No, I lost an electron!" " Are you sure?" " Yeah, I'm positive!"

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication!


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