the shorter jokes
So far there isn't much here. But, hopefully, this will grow.
Q. What did the grape say when it was stepped on?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine. (whine:) ha ha)
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport
hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. (Jeff O'Rourke)
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book
about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to
be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in
seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder. (Jeff O'Rourke)
A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in
the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting
beer cans off each other's head. (Jeff O'Rourke)
A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record
showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety
goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's
depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five
workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening
room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches
after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film. (Jeff O'Rourke)
The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons,
setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits. (Jeff O'Rourke)
A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by
the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded
the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain. (Jeff O'Rourke)
A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later
accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went
out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged.
Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to
the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour. (Jeff O'Rourke)
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a
metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the
suspect confessed. (Jeff O'Rourke)
When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to
hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to
call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police
and was arrested. (Jeff O'Rourke)
A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a
steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped
aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop. (Jeff O'Rourke)
Two friends were talking :
"My wife drives like lightning."
"You mean, as fast."
"No. She always hits the trees."
Pilot: "Pilot to tower... pilot to tower... we’re four hundred miles from land, four hundred feet high and running out of fuel.... pease instruct... over."
Tower: "Tower to pilot... tower to pilot.... repeat after me...'Our Father, who art in heaven...’"
A minister was not very popular with his congregation. Then one Sunday he announced from the pulpit, "The Lord Jesus has told me He has work for me elsewhere and that I am to pick up and move to another church." The congregation rose spontaneously and sang, "What a friend we have in Jesus..."
A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client and attached a note that read, "This bill is one year old."
In the return mail, the lawyer received his bill back. To it was clipped another note: "Happy birthday."
One young woman had received an engagement ring in the evening before but, alas, none of her friends had noticed it. Finally that afternoon, while her friends were shooting the breeze, she suddenly stood up. “My, but it’s hot in here,” She said. "I think I’ll take off my ring."
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