It begins with the philosophy of Zen, which I decided to study further, and its' notion of duality. The examples: the mind and body... both two and one...seperate entities, and combined indefinately, unable to survive without the other, and yet one can make clear distinctions on where one begins and another ends...

So here we are presented with the theory of duality...both two and one....mind and body...but once you accept that both two and one are true, then this theory, this truthfully proven paradox, applies to everything! I exist here at my desk, but I'm also sitting on the stoney beaches of Greece, both....Time and space are not restrictions any longer....I watch the sunrise over the Aegean Sea and watch as my fingers try to keep up with my words on this page....the mind recalls the image of the sunrise and it is as real as if I were there..so I AM THERE....

I know that, physically, my body remains in the chair, and my eyes only remember what is currently before me, and that is the "two", but the "one" is the knowledge that my mind also retains the memory of sights and fragrances far away, and they are as real to me as sense memory. This seemingly otherworldly feeling calms me...

I moved into my next realization when I meditated at the Oracle of Delphi, the "navel of the universe", and almost in a flash I came to understand...."Nothing else matters."....all of my fears, past and present, my concerns, my reservations, (if I had any left) melted away, like so much rubble easily removeable from view. I realized there was no point to this constant worry..no great reward or benefit from doing so. Nothing gets done without action, and the trappings of negative thought were simply stuck to the corners of my brain, dragging it down. It was at that moment I knew Zen...Nirvana...Ultimate peace and tranquility........and it was simple...the key was simplicity.... a child could understand it...and that was essential!

I had spent many years in constant questioning of everything, down to the why's and wherefore's of everyday life, so as not to become a slave of habit, nor quietly take on the idiosyncrasies of my family, but I realized that I didn't need to do this any longer.....I didn't need to question everything, I had already begun to clear away my idiocyncratic lifestyle and moved into conscious action...but I was still questioning, over-analyzing, hungry to pick apart and ferret out every detail...not realizing some things just are....a tree lives and doesn't walk, doesn't develop the anatomy to vocally communicate... it doesn't need to...it simply exists. And there are some things in my immediate world that can simply exist, without over-analyzation...

An example of zen-like exsistance or simply "existing" were the ants of Greece...I loved them...(I use them because insects are universal in location)....they know that death exists because they carry the deceased like cargo on their backs...they know that birth exists because of the queen and those who tend the eggs...but they do not marvel at the process of birth, nor do they contemplate death and invent extraordinary relms where they might rise to, once gone from this earth....they do not realize they are scouring the walls of Delphi for food, or crawling about the most dangerous city streets where spilled blood is more common than rain water....they simply exist...

But to go back to the theory of duality, combining it with the need to understand unquestionable "exsistance"....I can question when I please and also believe simply on faith....I am a vampire who lives off of the blood of others, and a common girl with velvet fantasies and a penchant for the wyne of life...sometimes rationale is key, and at other times fantasy is the ultimate truth...sometimes both are true simultaniously...

BOTH

This is what I have learned....and it is so incredibly simple I cannot believe I have wasted so much time overthinking it...and yet, I enjoyed the journey as I should...and would not have reached its conclusion with such firm belief, had it not been for the exploration....would not have had it encompass my life so completely, had I not searched for the answers instead of having them handed to me....would not have been so satisfied with the answers, had I not asked the questions....

I do not know if this makes sense to others as is does to myself...I would welcome any comments, questions, or discussion on the matter...

Until then my lovelies...

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