4 June, 1997

Oh god oh god oh god. My best girlfriend just called and said that they're sending her 15-year-old brother-in-law to a sister-school of The School. Oh god. Somebody help me. Somebody help him. Somebody do something. I told them that it's a very bad no good place and that they'll hurt him, and that if she gets her kid back at all, he won't be a person anymore. But she says that she's made up her mind, and she doesn't believe me, and she would need to see actual law suits and dead kids before she'd believe anything. And i told her about all the lawsuits, and how The School paid everyone that sued, payed them off really well and how they make you sign that you'll shut up after that. And she's going to send that boy anyway. And they're going to kill him.

And the lady that told them to send him to Sister School, she was the one that told Nina's parents to send her to The School. She's been selling kids up the river for years and years and she gets lots of money and everyone gets lots of money and everyone shuts up and the kids die. I can't make it stop. Please just make it stop, okay? Just tell them to go away. I can't do this by myself anymore. I am too stupid and too dumb and too ugly and i can't tell anybody and they don't believe me.

And i kept telling her, and giving her the lawyers' phone numbers, and the reporters' phone numbers, and i told her about my the kids and how they are and what they did to us. And she just said that she didn't care because she didn't care and he is too much trouble and she only wanted girl children anyway. And she said that if i was so smart and that i didn't think that she should send him to sister school then where should i send him? And i told her that i wasn't very smart and i didn't know where to, just where not to. But where not to isn't the point, it isn't an answer to a question, it's the opposite of answer. It's a double negative. It's something somebody really dumb would say.

they lie and everybody believes them believes them because they are grown ups and they've been lying and pretending for thirty years.

[later]

I have chosen not to edit this because it is accurate and honest portrayal of how I feel. If I edited it all nice and fancy words, I'd be just like Them; I'd be nothing more than a liar with a thesaurus. A used car dealer in a $500 Armani and wingtips.

There isn't anything I can do. I know that now. I can't make anything stop. I told her my first-hand and second-hand tales. That's all I have to offer. I can't make her believe me, or carry the voices of all those other kids and make her believe them. I can't do that any more than I can make The Sister Schools stop.

Nobody wants to hear the truth until it's too late. I wonder if that means I'm supposed to say "I told you so." Is that how my book will end? Is that the core, heart, meat of my entire existence? I told you so, but you wouldn't hear me?