Aging and the Spice Girls: the years have not been kind....

Victoria Addams (Vicki - "Posh Spice") is 62 years old. She loves wearing Sears brand clothes, making snickerdoodles and posing for the Playboy cameras to support her methadone habit! She can also be seen workin' 5^th st. On Friday nights.

Melanie Jayne Chisholm (Mel C - "Sporty Spice") was the girl who performed a backflip in the Wannabe video! Often seen wearing Adidas clothing, she also had a pierced nose and an interesting tattoo of snoopy on her big toe. Unfortunately, soon after the filming of the notorious Spice Girls VI: Yet Another Piece of Talentless Muck, she succumbed to Snoopy's Revenge and the infection in her big toe spread throughout her body like wildfire, making all of her bits and pieces fall off...much like leprosy, but WORSE i tell you MUCH WORSE...because the whole time you are hallucinating that dancing mad lunatic Snoopies and Woodstocks and Peppermint Patties stomping on your poor infected toes and you scream.....SCREEEAM like a wild banshee with its tender little wild banshee fingers caught in the car door.

Melanie Janine Brown (Mel B - "Scary Spice") aged 61 has great hair, a pierced tongue and a tattoo on her belly ("don't pick your nose" in chinese!). She's very alternative. She's not really that scary though! She likes rap, hip hop and small hairy Jewish men... she is said to have turned G-man from MN8 down because he wasn't a fan of her favourite bands: Dirty Grimy Fingernails and Leg Humping Dog.

Emma Lee Bunton (Emma - "Baby Spice") is the youngest of the five at just 60 years old! Emma is a big cracker. Emma is thought to like eating doughnuts and chart pop/garage music. She says they both taste like chicken.

Geri Estelle Halliwell (Geri - "Ginger Spice") aged 64 is always talking! Well, that is until the Gestapo caught up with her and cut out her tongue. She then became the mysterious "silent Spice Girl." Amazingly, after her unfortunate accident, her popularity soared above that of all the other Spice Girls. Geri now lives in the Shake-a-Crutch retirement community in Stratford upon Adult Diaper, England where she studies the art of underwater booger flicking.