friday, october 4, 2002
i've been away

i'm still away actually... i haven't found any reason to write lately. i did move... don't have my computer up yet though. i do this at school inbetween classes. i'll have more tomorrow or sunday... my friend Kash is coming into town from Spain for the week.. i'll have more to talk about then....


tuesday, october 8, 2002
surviving

i came into school this morning and one teacher asked another how she was doing. the teacher replied that she was surviving. i nearly stopped in my tracks. for the last week that's exactly what i've been feeling like. i'm surviving.

i had a date saturday night and i couldn't even enjoy myself. i was so wiped out by the 7:00 that we came back to my apartment and had pizza.. he was gone by 9:00 and i was asleep by 9:30... 2 1/2 hours after i normally go to bed.

that's all it is... surviving. i get up and take meds..... come to school. i teach 3 periods out of 8 and take more meds. then i go home and... take more meds and i'm out by 7:00. 7:30 if i'm lucky at all. now tonight i'm suppose to go to ceramics at 7:00. it makes it really difficult to go when i can't function after 7:00.... is any of this making any sense?

i guess just hearing that woman say that this morning touched off a lot of stuff for me. i am surviving.. that's about it... but at least i'm out of the hospital.


thusday, october 10, 2002
waking up

it's about 7:30am here. i've been at the school for at least 15 minutes or so. i had a lot of time this morning... maybe it's because i didn't put on any makeup. or it's because i grabbed a cab instead of using the public transportation. either way i'm here early.

i woke up depressed this morning. i'm tired and i don't feel like i can do this today. but i'm going to. i'm here. i have to. i've already missed school last week because i was sick. my mom finally heard the phrase "fake it 'til you make it". she uses it on me alot. that's all i have to do today is just fake it. it's not so easy but i'll try. i'm readjusting my medication per my doctor. i'm not sure if it's helping or hurting me at the moment. actually, i don't know anything at the moment. br>
i'm going now.... be back later.