monday, september 2, 2002
fill my cup
i'm going through so many changes right now. i'm starting this new job which comes right along with it's own handful of problems right from the beginning and i'm trying to move apartments at the same time.
i don't know if i talked about my job yet or not. it's a teaching position for "at-risk" students. these students are kids who are at a greater risk of failing if left in a normal classroom setting. so they are gathering them together for my program. they will have 2 hours of algebra with me and then 2 hours of English with another teacher. they will also have a reading class with me. the other courses they can stay in... like social studies, art, or anything else. unfortunately, the group of kids tends to be more behavior problems then just students at risk of failing if left in a normal classroom. so.... i'm planning on dealing with problems as well as trying to put together a decent algebra curriculum for them.
the other part of my life includes packing and packing and packing. i have come to believe that Satan is responsible for box packing tape. ... that and plastic wrap for food and stuff. but i'm getting there. things are working out.
tuesday, september 3, 2002
where would i begin
today is my dad's birthday. i dont' even know where to start in trying to wish him the type of birthday i think he deserves! this is a very special man. not just because he's my dad.... all my life i've heard from people what a lucky daughter i am to have such a great man as a father. and i know it... he is always there for me. when i'm down - he's there... when things are going well - he's there. i am blessed greatly to have a father like him... thanks Dad! you are the best!
sunday, september 8, 2002
comatose
the doors are closed and the walls are white
someone calls but i don't wnat to talk tonight
stay away you all want to... stay away
i'm going to be all right.... all right
within the arms of slumber
going to leave it all behind
comatose gone under
like all the other times
eagle eye cherry, comatose (in the arms of slumber)
it's such a struggle to write in here anymore. i dont' know who reads it. but i know someone does... because my counter keeps counting.
i put these lyrics here because when i'm in a really bad spot i feel like i need to take a nap.... that the nap actaully calms me enough to continue on with what my day is about. i've used it quite successfully and sometimes it doesn't work. but there is little else that i've tried that does work.
i just got home from church. the place is absolutely amazing! Amazing Grace does come from there. it's just all around you as soon as you step into the building. i'm hoping that i'll make it through my day because i was there and learned more about someone that won't ever leave me.... i'll stop now before i make any of you sick.. LOL... it's just a good place for me to be in.
thanks for reading... drop me an email sometime... it's jami_ly@yahoo.com. i'd love to hear from any of you!
wednesday, september 11, 2002
in sympathy
As water falling on a stone,
Slowly but surely
You will wear away
The problems that now seem
Too hard to bear...
Your gentle spirit
is more powerful than you know.
-- unknown
thursday, september 12, 2002
questions
i told him lastnight on the phone that it looks so easy for all the other teachers when i see them. i asked him why it's so hard for me... but i answered myself. my disease makes it harder... he called it my disability... i don't know that i like either of the terms... nor the fact that it's harder for me to do normal things. but you hear me complain about that all the time... anyway, i got the new coldplay cd and so far it is kicking ass! i'm off... more later.
saturday, september 14, 2002
no worries
i'm not having relationship problems.... well, other than the one with myself. but i got this new cd and some of the stuff is so awesome... i love this tune! i remember thinking that yellow was a greatest lovesong.... now i'm wondering about this little tune.
Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry,
You don’t know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh, lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, coming in tales,
Heads are a science apart.
Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No-one ever said it would be this hard,
Oh take me back to the start.
I was just guessing at numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me,
Oh and I rush to the start.
Running in circles, chasing tails,
And coming back as we are.
Nobody said it was easy,
oh its such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No-one ever said it would be so hard.
Im going back to the start.
coldplay, the Scientist
sunday, september 15, 2002
more worries
my God right now i am crawling out of my skin! i've taken my meds but it doesn't even feel like it. it's like i am running this marathon inside my body but nothing is happening. i'm not going anywhere. yesterday was sorta a screwed up day with my meds. but it wasn't anything that bad and i shouldn't be feeling any affects from that anyway... this stuff is mainly long term working stuff. you'd have to miss a lot of days before it could affect you in a bad way. so i don't know.... i guess i'm getting nervous about moving still. i need to get boxes this afternoon and then pack them today so i'm not left with it to do all week. i just took a bit more of my medicine... we'll see how it works.
wednesday, september 18, 2002
time flies
i saw 3 butterflies today on my way home from school. OH... and i saved an earthworm from certain destruction yesterday on my way to the train. if the students had found him on the sidewalk who knows what torture he'd have been put through.
i can't believe it's all ready the middle of september. where did my time go? i guess it didn't help that i was in the hospital a couple of times in june and july... but still... it's the middle of september and i don't know how i got here. i've been packing for this move that i will finally be making on september 28th. but i haven't been doing that much. geeesh, where has time gone? and...
where is my turtle? :o(
monday, september 23, 2002
from Oprah
"when you belive that you cannot stitch your own heart back togther, go to work on the hearts of other people; there is no surer way to reapir yourself then to repair them".this is a quote from an article that andrew solomon wrote in oprah's magazine. he's the guy that wrote the noon-day demon i think i spelled that wrong but it's a book worth reading if you or someone you know has depression. obviously i've read it... well actually i read part of it until it started to trigger some things in me. but i would recommend it to anyone!
some people think that this quote is about escaping or ignoring your own problems. i have in the past had a tendency (my marriage) to try to fix someone else. it backfired on me and left me in a terrible mess. but lately i've learned how to be there for someone and beable to step away from it when i need to... and after i've done that i look at it and realize that a lot of what i was doing to help them can really help me.
tuesday, september 24, 2002
james taylor at his best!
Well the sun's not so hot in the sky today
I can see summertime slipping away
A few more geese gone... A few more leaves turning red
But the grass is as soft as a feather bed
So i'll be king and you be queen
Our kingdom's going to be this little patch of green
-- September Grass, james taylor
i went home for the weekend.. it was so nice to be out in the country again... where you look and see fields everywhere... the trees are changing and you can't help but notice they are changing. i'll get back there one day. right now i'm where i need to be.
seriously though, the new james taylor cd is worth every penny! go james go!