| 12.31.04 Down (like the wounded sky) |
Indeed, I went out to Area-51, drank too much, stayed up too late and had to wake up early. Why? Because my car is once again fucking up on me. Fahrvegnuggen is letting me down yet again (this is the part in the movie of my life where The Dandy Warhols’ Bohemian Like You, starts: “you got a great car, what’s wrong with it today?”
Great way to end the year, don’t you think?
Excuse the rhetorical question. So Carbon Kids, what can we say about 2004?
It was a year of hope: till the good guys lost and the bad guys stayed in office. When we found out red-state morals are more important than say the economy or the war and 51% of America’s population are idiots.
Approx 45% points lower than those enthralled by all things Hilton. Yes, those ubiquitious rich-bitches Paris and her cuter, more likeable sister, Nicky. Being famous for being famous. They don’t have a talent of any kind, they are just the genetic lottery incarnate, born richer than 99% of the population. They bathe in crystal and wipe their ass with Jackson’s.
And speaking of dumb blondes, Britney released her ‘Greatest Hits’ after her long, storied five year career (let’s hope it’s over.) She also got married, paid for her own engagement ring AND refused a prenuptial agreement. Just when you thought she couldn’t get dumber. A year when Carbs were bad and Atkins good and that evil bitch Martha Stewart finally went to jail. Where there was high-gas prices, war, hurricanes and it took tsunami killing 150,000 people to remind us we’re all ‘people’.
So as this year comes to a close, and seeing as how I don’t like to fake the funk on a nasty dunk, I dedicate my props to the following: The friends, family and muses, and to circumstances of utmost serendipity which have given me a reason to rant. Also the two interesting emails I got by anonymous ‘readers’. That was kinda of cool yet humbling. I mean this girl from das Fatherland (kingdom of Porsche, Polka music and a huge gothic scene), read this and like it enough to email me about it. To know that somebody from Europe was reading this, when most of my own ‘real life’ friends don’t bother reading it was über-humbling. Those were some of my best emails, a sincere thank you. Too bad none of those people replied back, I would’ve enjoyed getting to know them. This year also meant personal changes, I broke up with Renzy and dated someone briefly. To Claire, you reached out and touched faith thanks for the memories. We’ll always have the Postal Service, Scrubs, and Manson.
So yes, we have a year less in our lives. 366 days that shifted in and out of the last year’s resolution paradigm. And for those that have read and agreed and maybe saw a little movie of my life and times, thanks for the stolen moment of your thoughts. May these words find the still inside your eyes and assure you that there are others like Us.
Happy New Year!
Song of the day: Muse "Endlessly”
| 12.29.04 Happy Kwanza bitches! |
Last minute shopping before Christmas.
After Christmas shopping in Chandler then IKEA on Sunday
And more after Christmas shopping on Monday in Fashion Square
Yesterday we had lunch at Le Grande Orange then trekked it to Tempe.
Today it was north Scottsdale on a rainy day.
This vacation, like all of them, is flying by. My brother leaves tomorrow and my sister early Friday. I have not accomplished what I’d hoped for during the break, which is basically fixing up my office in the other room. And fuck, I have these lousy wetbacks living next to me. There’s always some brat crying and of course there’s like ten of these motherfuckers who just happened to move next to me-just my luck. My peace and quiet gone till I or they move out. Loud ass Mexicans who blare the tv so loud it actually goes through foot-thick concrete. I don’t see a lawnmower so I’m pretty sure they’re unemployed but couldn’t they listen to TV at a respectable level? I’m going to hate this even more when I have to go back to work and wake up early. I do tell you this, if those texas border-jumpers keep me up, my stereo will be blasting at 5:30am when I wake up.
Song of the day: Eskobar "Love Strikes”
| 12.25.04 Sugarplums & Such |
While it is easy as a Mac to use and import into the iPod, it is not as easy to get songs transferred out. It doesn’t work like hard drive when it comes to music. You can have other files like pictures and documents stored there, but music can only be edited through iTunes. You can’t click&drag your songs out from, let us say your iPod into your friend’s computer. At least not without making a playlist and burning it out. I suppose that feature would make file-sharing too easy. That and the 'Don't Steal Music' sticker in 4 languages.
Expensively preachy white box, you don't own me! I own you!
Song of the day: "Carol of the Bells”
| 12.24.04 Rudolph’s Nose or Daddy’s? |
The years that followed provided more useful but less fun items. And Christmas Eve usually meant my father Shanghai-ed my sister around 4pm and took her to the mall in order to help him buy our presents. Now Christmas is just another reason for our father to get drunk and lecture before handing us our annual Christmas Checks. Ahh yes traditions like that one die hard.
Song of the day: Snow Patrol "Run”
| 12.23.04 "Bah, Humbug!" |
The streets are hellish with traffic, the stores are packed and there are only hours left till Christmas. Lousy last minute shoppers ruining my last minute shopping!
Song of the day: Franz Ferdinand "Matinee”
| 12.21.04 “on such a winter’s day” |
Watching static on TV screens. Fast and violent, the snap-crackle-pop of all frequencies mishmashing amidst an orgy of epic proportions.
Has the chance to philosophize come to anyone lately? The moments that go off like a thermo-nuclear explosion in your synaptic nerve and you just go off on tangents.
I got the opportunity last night, which is something of a rarity these days. Claire stopped by last night and we caught up. Quite strange to see your old part-time lover after two months of absence. She seems to be doing well for herself these days, which is good to know. Even though it was only brief our encounters were pleasurable. I sincerely enjoyed my October. Those sparks of rapport and excitement you feel when you meet someone new. Looking forward with excitement to see them on your rose-colored eyes. Sometimes the beauty of anything comes about because of its mortality. We all know things end, if you go into any relationship with that in mind you will not appreciate the relationship as it happens. Like a guy who is so afraid of coming he can’t enjoy fucking.
Thereby missing out on the blissful talk&sex universe of a new liaison. Which is what I told her. It was good to know this was not a regrettable experience for either of us. After all why else are we all here if not to learn from each other?
Tonight’s Homework: Give your ex’s a call(come-on you’ve stuck enough needles in the Voodoo doll, dearest.) Find out what them bitches/bastards are up to now).
Song of the day: Dandy Warhols "We Used to be Friends”
| 12.18.04 Lost words |
From: "Spiteful E. Serialization" (galvanize@portablemusic.com)Strange though interesting.
To: "I" (i_to_i@yahoo.com)
Subject:Reply: Good Lucking Metohr want to play
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 2004 10:19:22 -0500
Ave! :)
Anpetu luta waste
Man is only truly great when he acts from his passions.
I work in a strange business, and trust is a word that's not even in the vocabulary.
Beauty is truth, truth beauty -- that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.
A fool think he needs no advice, but a wise man listens to others.
Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story.
A friend is a lot of things, but a critic isn't.
That is happiness: to be dissolved into something complete and great.
Men, like bullets, go farthest when they are smoothest.
It is the peculiar quality of a fool to perceive the faults of others and to forget his own. Nor need we power or splendor, wide hall or lordly dome the good, the true, the tender- these form the wealth of home.
If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older. Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age.
The glory of the gospel is that when the church is absolutely different from the world, she invariably attracts it.
Darwinian man, though well-behaved, at best is only a monkey shaved.
I was a modest, good-humored boy. It is Oxford that has made me insufferable.
Happiness is a perfume which you cannot pour on someone without getting some on yourself.
Who we are never changes. Who we think we are does.
Footnotes are the finer-suckered surfaces that allow testicular paragraphs to hold fast to the wider reality of the library. "
Song of the day: Switchfoot "Meant to Live”
| 12.17.04 Spoils for the delegator |
We eat our meal and talk about the weather, the busy holiday season and plans for the vay-cay. Our boss comes in and passes out papier-mâché enveloped bi-tipped plastic-pens. After breakfast she passed out our “gifts”: metallic bags containing cheap felt and plastic tree ornaments. We receive these things from a woman who makes 100K a year. She could easily put aside $100 a month to give all us decent gift certificates and use those as write-off’s on her taxes. But she won’t share the wealth she gets for delegating. Gloria on the other hand handed out glass Christmas ornaments to all the staff. Showing her taste and class and more importantly the attention to detail as the staff was being handed them, literally, a silver plater. A person with class, like Gloria, spares no expense to show her appreciation. Whereas other people, well I guess you can take a woman out of the barrio, but you can’t take the barrio out of the woman.
Song of the day: Samsas Traum "Der Triumph Des Herzens”
| 12.14.04 Don’t Care, don’t tell |
Song of the day: The Killers "Mr. Brightside”
| 12.13.04 “something Biblical” |
They closed with ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ during which six huge balloons were dropped on the crowd bouncing off the audience until they burst showering the spectators with confetti.
An awesome concert definitely worth the price and the pain.
Song of the day: Muse "Hysteria”
| 12.10.04 I hold these truths… |
This hypothesis, has been proven true from my personal experience. So I will add a couple of more ‘hypothesis’ that, according to my conclusion, may be true:
Every woman that has ever bitched about guys leaving the toilet seat up has done so because she has at one time or another, fallen in.
I can also tell you, with some degree of certainty, that every woman that owns a sex toy has taken the batteries out of the TV remote, in a time of need.
I tell you these truths because they are self evident.
Song of the day: Saft "Underground”
| 12.08.04 it just gets better, doesn’t it? |
And can someone please tell me what in the name of Holy Hell happened to Brigitte Nielsen? She was the sublimely beautiful blonde goddess from Rocky IV. Now, she looks like an old, fat, has-been drag-queen. Hooking up with Flavor Flav of all people. I saw her on VH-1’s Best of ‘04 and honestly, could not recognize her.
How the mighty have fallen, sigh, aging is cruel indeed.
Song of the day: B-Movie “Nowhere Girl”
| 12.07.04 Winter of my Discontent |
By the time you’re done shaving the stubble, doing your hair and making yourself presentable, you realize you’re 15min late. You grab your bags and head downstairs, grabbing onto the garland covered banister as you reach for you keys.
Out the door and into your car. A machine like procedure you repeat 5 days a week. In the parking lot a neighbor stands by his truck. He’s lighting a Camel, wearing his Wranglers and boots. The kind of guy that likes country music, Nascar and women with big hair. You exchange hello’s and drive away realizing you’ve lived there for a year now and you only know the name of one person in your complex.
The standard disarray of the holiday season is upon you. Depression and ennui at full stride. It’s probably the reason you’re saving your vic’s; for when you really need them.
As you drive, you pass a bus-stop with a Suicide Hotline number.
Funny, you never thought about suicide before seeing this sign.
Song of the day: Massive Attack "Angel”
| 12.02.04 28:06:42:12 |
Luckily for me I live in the back. Making my place one of the quietest in the complex. It’s also next to the parking lot, mail-boxes and laundry room which I don’t use, you know how I feel about using ‘public’ things. Thank God for my indoor washer/dreyer. Several times a week I’ll go to work and come home without seeing a single soul. Like everyone else, I walk into my place, lock all four locks and unless it’s a weekend, don’t come out till the next day. The kind of complex where people will say hello, but not go out of their way for you. You don’t ask the neighbors for sugar, you don’t knock on doors come Halloween.
Yet it is home.
Song of the day: VHS or Beta "Night on Fire”
| 12.01.04 Lévres du Cerise |
It’s fucking cold outside and I’m in a foul mood. Well, maybe not so much foul but tired. The colder it gets the harder it is for me to get out of my warm bed. Piling on the layers of clothing and coating on cheap, year-old, cherry-flavored Savex lip balm because it’s the only one I could find. It was tucked inside my backpack, melted and deformed but how else can I keep my lips kissibly soft?
I went to see The Machinist last night with Allora. She was the only one kind enough to accompany me and wait in a short line, in very cold weather to see the movie. It reminded me of Memento the kind of indie-movie that puts you inside the head of the protagonist wondering through the same kind of wrought-up confusion. Not to give too much of the plot away it involves a man disappearing into psychosis and guilt. Poor Man’s Ethan Hawke and usual pretty boy, Christian Bale, is unrecognizable after losing 63lbs for that role. It was intense performance of someone willing to starve. He looked like he suffered from AIDS, gotta admire that kind of commitment to his art.
Speaking of which, today is World AIDS day. Protect yourself and protect your partner(s), know who you are fucking, get tested and wear condoms.
Song of the day: Slipknot "Vermillion p2”
| 11.30.04 A cold day in… |
That is what the temperature read of off the Kolbe.com thermometer outside my complex. A cold day in
Since I’ve stopped seeing Claire, (or she stopped seeing me, whichever way you want to look at it) I’ve been sailing the seas of internet personals. Some are better than others. Either way, through the magic of cut & paste, I pretty much have the exact same ad at all the sites. Not that it’s going all that well. The good ones never respond, just like in real life.
I just want a date, something easy and fun. Nothing too serious, afterall what good would romance do if it didn’t end in a puddle of tears, heartbreak and the occasional death threat?
Song of the day: Green Day "Boulevard of Broken Dreams”
| 11.26.04 Wishlist |
Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy this year. And even in my most piss&vinegar chuck-full rantings, I still managed to come off as charmingly cute. So please, pay attention Old Man, before I tell Mrs.Claus that the reason you’re always jolly is because you know where all the Naughty girls live!
I want:
10. A date.
9. A Plasma TV
8. The Matrix Trilogy boxset
7. Cable TV
6. A Nintendo DS
5. Tix for VNV Nation in LA on New Year’s Eve
4. My teeth fixed and paid for
3. Angelina Jolie
2. A 60g iPod
1. To sex you Up!
Song of the day: Absolom "Stars"
| 11.24.04 “sipping on chamomile” |
You see, I am $265 short and one tooth less. But unlike the hillbilly half of your family, this was done on purpose after a visit to the dentist. My lower right wisdom tooth (#32) is gone and that bastard dentist didn’t even return it to me for some toothfaerie cheddar.
Tomorrow is thanksgiving. With my dental work done and the siblings out of town. My mom doesn’t really feel like making a big deal out of a meal this year. I mean, what is thanksgiving? Just a reason to give thanks we weren’t born indians.
Song of the day: Snap Vs Plaything "Do you see the light (Push remix)”
| 11.23.04 Where would you like to be? |
I’d love to be sitting in a Parisian café. To feel as if I’m inside a Van Gogh paiting sitting al fresco as I enjoy my croissant and wine. My tired tourist feet tap the cobblestone to make sure it’s real. I scribble my pensive persuasions and draft millennia old cathedrals in a sketchbook. I close my eyes, breathe in and sigh wondering if I’m truly here, as breathe in the euro-essence of it all. Like being in a Calvin Klein commercial, a land full of model-beautiful people and hubris.
There is a girl in the next table: she’s nubile and deliciously French. A mesmerizing blonde wearing a beret, purring sweet nothings into her mobile in a language made for sex. She could be talking to her lover or reciting a recipe, does it really matter? I’m enthralled and the world around us becomes a slow-motion, black & white copy of itself. My tunnel vision spotlights her, in liquid colour. Watching the way bites her lower-lip while listening and giggling before she answers. Her crossed leg sways as she stirs her coffee, taking dainty feminine sips and wiping the corners of her pouty mouth. She catches me looking, I can only smile and raise my glass. Cursing myself for not knowing enough French to simply say “hi”.
Song of the day: Depeche Mode “World in my Eyes"
| 11.21.04 it's 4:20 somewhere |
You know what that means, smoke it if you go it.
Song of the day: Her Space Holiday "Tech Romance”
| 11.19.04 Reality Enema |
That’s when I kept it real and tore into her. She has got some major issues with me dating or even the prospect of a possibility of an opportunity of a date. While she has a date tomorrow, and has already had another date. She has a couple after her and got with Liz last Friday. In other words, ok for her and not me. Unfortunately, Hot Holly already had an appointment for tonight so I couldn’t take her out to get to know her better.
Song of the day: Wumpscut "Hang Him Higher”
| 11.17.04 Purest hell |
November has not been a good month for me, first Bush re-stealing the election, now this. Damn impacted wisdom teeth! Damn caverns of cavity! On the plus-side, he’ll probably prescribe something yummy like Percocet.
Mmm, it tastes like happy in my mouth!
Song of the day: Air "Surfin on a Rocket”
| 11.16.04 He said, She said |
"No I don’t," I say "no one ever explained ‘the game’ to me. "The guy goes after the girl, not the other way around. You have to pay to talk to us. Because, well, no girl ever pays."
"You play the 'I’m a girl card' way too much Hoang."
"It is what it is, baby." She concluded.
So Ngoc suggested I pay for one of those internet dating sites. Renzy concurred, easy for her to say since she’s gotten more attention since the break-up than I have and has several dates during the week. God, is this what my life has turned to? Trying to find women online? Wait a minute, if it wasn’t for the internet I wouldn’t have gotten laid in the last 5yrs. But paying for it? I’ve never had to actually pay. Quite sad, simply because ‘I’m a guy’ and women are cheapskates with entitlement issues.
Song of the day: The Faint "The Conductor”
| 11.14.04 R.I.P. ODB |
Even though I wasn’t a fan, I knew about him as Wu-Tang’s crackhead member who had 14 children. He was a train about to wreck, there were no if’s only when’s. You couldn’t turn away. You know this was going to happen, even though when it actually happens you are still surprised.
Song of the day: West Indian Girl "What are you afraid of?”
| 11.12.04 Pipe Dreams & Discourse |
Alvie: shut up, you don’t know anything
Sapphire: you can lie to me, but you can’t lie to yourself
Alvie: Ok, maybe I gave it one or two thoughts, but what straight man couldn’t?
Sapphire: ha! I knew it, that’s why keep rubbing your crotch.
Alvie: it’s itchy.
Sapphire: I suppose the thoughts of a couple of goth-chicks in the midst of a delicious 69 has a certain appeal
Alvie: you’re damn right!
Sapphire: You know, had you played your cards right last night, you might’ve had that cutie’s number from the club. The one that flirted with you.
Alvie: I know, I know, I’ve been kicking myself all day over that. Women that blindingly beautiful intimidate the crap out of me.
Sapphire: loser. That’s why you are here. Sure she was way out of your league but you didn’t even try. And that, my friend, is the worst you can do.
Alvie: fuck you, you’re here to be smoked, not to lecture me.
Sapphire: you know that it’s me you come to philosophize with, your teacher, mother and secret lover.
Alvie: you’re just a delusional manifestation of my innermost fears.
Sapphire: I’m also your timekeeper, so get ready cause you have a date in an hour.
Song of the day: Haujobb "The Noise Institute”
| 11.09.04 My many turned to None |
Life is about change and evanescence (and no, I’m not talking about that shitty band that brought the word into widespread usage, though not definition, through a fat-faced singer).
Time to take a break from everything that has consumed my time and energy. Time to find out what this next stage of my life is about and who it concerns, namely ME. As I venture, unwillingly, into my twenty-tenth birthday I realize it is about the quickest draw and if it hadn’t been them, it would’ve been me. We can’t have it both ways, we have bitten into the apple, now we must swallow the chunk.
When people ask if you have a boy/girlfriend what does that really imply? Are they merely asking if you are fucking somebody? Our own personal apotheosis of flesh and bone is out there, so we are led to believe. Whether you want: Teen Goth-girls or Indie kids, Frat boys or Scottish princesses, Alcoholic lesbians or Southern Belles. If we find them, great and if we don’t, well not so great. We’ll still have fun along the way. But don’t call us, we’ll call you.
1)Women = time x money
2)Time = money
3)Women = (money)²
4)√evil = (money)
5)(√evil)² = (money)²
6)Evil = money
7)∴ Women = Evil
Song of the day: Mos Def/Massive Attack "I Against I”
| 11.08.04 looms like a bird of doom |
My sister has her boyfriend Kyle: her frat-boy-Abercrombie type of guy. And that’s great, more power to her. I could see her being with him for a long time.
Even Renzy is getting back into the swing of things with a very cute redhead.
And then there’s me, I just got out of 2+yr relationship and I truly don’t know where my life is going. Nor do I know what the fates have in store.
I know have yet to meet my ‘equal’ and I’m not sure what I mean by that, but perhaps you do. Maybe you’ve met your ‘equal’ and lost her/him. Maybe you are still on this search. Possibly, just possibly you were one of the lucky ones and you have them in your greedy little hand.
Unlike yours truly.
Song of the day: Luna "Bewitched”
| 11.03.04 "guns, god and government" |
The answer is a resounding NO! That hillbilly can't even speak English, he can't debate and yet he has the world by its nuts. All this will do is prolong the war, even Yahoo reported that oil went up again after the bush’s victory.
Fuck bush, fuck texas, fuck the bible-belt, fuck those who think 'values' and tax-breaks are more important than war.
I feel like keying every decaled ‘W’ SUV I see and setting arson fires to every Bush/Cheney household in AZ.
The system, as always, has failed.
Song of the day: Louque "Art”
| 11.02.04 Tale of a true American |
Sigh, yet another morning trying to survive on less than adequate sleep. Why do I do this to myself? Because I like to pretend I have a life, even though, I really don’t. Perhaps divulging minutiae gives it a lofty air of importance. Or merely because talking to an old lady for a half-hour as I stood in line to vote brings out the best in me. Since even the sight of a bloodshot malcontent is enough to warrant old people to tell me their life story:
Today it just happened to be Janey. A widow of five years, that still wears her wedding ring. She has lived in AZ for 11yrs but she’s originally from Saginaw, MI. I tell her I had an ex that came from Michigan. She told me how awful the winters were and how humid and mosquito-infested summers or as she refers to them “skeeters” were. Like most women, her hair is an unnatural color, a deep maroon. Probably from her monthly mixing of whatever brand is on sale at Walgreens. Definitely a coupon-clipper. Her amber/hazel eyes still shine with life behind her bifocals. Her hands, little more than liver-spots, veins and bone nevertheless have strength in them. She wears her “voting blue” sweater by tradition, “Ever since Kennedy” she proudly informs me. Sure enough, the faded cardigan has political buttons of every Democratic candidate in the last 45yrs. When was the last time you saw a Mondale ’84 button?
She told me she received an early ballot, but likes the "excitement" of coming to vote, it makes her feel like a true American.
I’d have to agree.
Song of the day: The Crüxshadows "Ballrooms on Mars”
| 11.01.04 Nice Piggy |
It’s been a long day, as all my Mondays seem to be. This morning I woke up with the lovely chore of testing at a catholic school. Erin and I were doing the testing, and though you may think otherwise, the statues did not crumble, nor Holy water catch on fire when we walked into the place. We were there for about 4hrs. Way too long to be surrounded by catholics, especially in the mood I was in, on Saint’s Day with kids wearing robes and name tags of whatever deity the represented (try as I might, I did not find St.Pauli Girl nor St.Ides).
I’ve said it before sleep deprivation does not become me. I need a night to devote to just myself. No phone calls, no visitors, just me. I’m tired of going out, tonight will be the fifth night in a row I’ll be out and about. This time to see The Crüxshadows.
Last night’s Halloween celebration was a complete waste of time. After a long deliberation about food and clubs, renzy and I found ourselves at Sugar Daddies. It was one of the few spots open on a Sunday night. All they played was hip hop, we finished our drinks and left within a half-hour. I took her home, smoked a bowl and left. On the way back to my house, about half a mile from home, I saw them. The fear of every driver: red and blue lights flashing behind my car. Was I speeding? Did I do something wrong? These were the thoughts flashing through my head as that ball of adrenaline telling me to “slam on the gas” pleaded for attention. My stomach sank in the pit between shocked soberness and scared-shitlessness. I pulled over and Sir Oinks-a-lot walked out of the patrol car. Shining a flashlight as bright as a thousand fireflies in a mayonnaise jar. He asked for license, registration and proof of insurance. Apparently I had “rolled a red” back on McDowell. Not being something I recalled, I played nice and gave him the requested information. He used his flashlight to peek in the backseat. I still had my plastic katana back there, I had to pull that out to show him it wasn’t real. Anyway, officer friendly went back to the car to do whatever check he needed to do and came back the longest ten minutes of my life. He told me all my paperwork was current and that he would be nice and let me go with only a warning this time.
That was the best Halloween treat I got.
Song of the day: Supreme Beings of Leisure "Rock and a Hard Place”
| 10.31.04 Drifting |
And so, an extremely busy weekend comes to an end. I’ve been partying since Thursday night, with breaks, in between. Last night it was the Interpol show. I arrived around 8:30pm, the parking lot was packed. They made me drive down to the river bottom then up the hill, across the street half a mile away! I was so pissed, then it was the walk to the venue wearing very uncomfortable shoes. I had no idea Interpol was that big here. Inside, the place was packed. I found a spot to stand in when the opening act ended. Unbeknownst to me, there were two opening acts. Oh the mercy, the second act ‘secret machines’ is one of the worst live bands I’ve ever had to endure. Few in the crowd like them, there was absolutely no interaction between them and the audience. The singer never looked at the crowd and in between songs he would sip water with his back to the audience. They were horrible and those bastards played for 45min. Way too long for an opening act. I don’t think people wanted to see them, but no one wanted to lose their spot. The natives were getting restless and finally at 11pm Interpol took the stage. It must be the New York pomposity. They played their songs and only went as far as “thank you very much” to the crowd. By midnight, their set and only encore were over. If I had known they would only be playing an hour I don’t think I would’ve bothered with seeing them. I headed back home, after the lovely walk up the hill. Playing MarioKart and talking to the Ex who was the only other person not doing anything at 2 in the morning.
Song of the day: Interpol "Say hello to angels”
| 10.30.04 Hedonistic, narcissistic, nihilistic |
When we finally found the place, it was packed. Freaky kids in a sea of black clothing. Some were in Halloween regalia, it was definitely a dark crowd. Though we were both Manson virgins, I don’t think she had ever seen that many people wearing black. The natives were also out in force, I guess Manson is big up the Rez. Opiate for the Masses was playing as we people-watched in the lobby to. We found our seats when the opening act was done. The seats were very close, and onto more people watching especially a blonde that had to be a stripper or porn star. Whatever she was, she looked expensive, her breast alone must be worth a small Japanese car. Half an hour later the show began. From behind the stage a demonic (what else right?) sounding quartet began playing a syncopated melody. The crowd screamed at fever pitch:
His backing musicians were quite talented, though too bad Twiggy left the band, Chris Vrenna of NIN fame was on drums. As a performer, Marilyn Manson grabs his crotch more than Michael Jackson at a preschool. The band played Great big white world, (s)Aint, Tainted love and The Fight Song before doing my favorite performance of the night. During The Nobodies fake plastic snow fell over the pit as Manson sang. The visual of that made my night. Other ‘Mechanical Animals’ songs he played was The Dope show in which he changed the lyrics to “drugs, they say, are made right here in Phoenix” and Rock is Dead. After which the band did another cover: Sweet Dreams and went old school with Lunchbox. Manson brought out the searchlight and flashed the audience asking us what it’s like to be one of the Beautiful People. Since it was the song that broke him into the mainstream, it got most of the people moving and screaming. After a short break Manson encored with Antichrist Superstar Standing on a podium, Hitler-style, he preached to his choir wearing a suit and tie in gothic red and black.
Unfortunately they only played one encore and Claire and I found ourselves scuttling out of there to beat the rush that is concert traffic.
Song of the day: Marilyn Manson "Personal Jesus”
| 10.29.04 Crazy One |
Renzy and Tara came over to my house around 8:30 and we proceeded to smoke away some stress. We took off for the club and arrived Inspired by Kill Bill, I went as one of the Crazy 88’s: black suit, white shirt, skinny tie, mask and plastic katana. The music was decent, but could’ve been better the same could be said about the crowd. I did dance though and that mofo Francis stopped by to check out the party and bum drinks off me.
There was a costume contest, four out of seven prizes went to people sitting at our table.
7: some dude dressed as a pimp.
6: Big K as a dead prom queen
5: Allora as Anubis (something that cost her like $100 to make)
4: Me, as stated by Nicole “We have Alvaro, with my personal favorite, a Crazy 88” which cost me less than $12 on a mask and sword.
3: Adam (Big K’s bro) Charlie Brown Ghost costume
2: A cow with a nun-hat, Holy Cow
1: some dude dressed like a ghostbuster
A night of fun had by all, just like it should be.
Song of the day: Nick Cave "Red Right Hand”
| 10.28.04 Avalanche of gray matter |
There’s a leak in the room, falling at a measured beat so precise I could set a clock to. I close my eyes and it feels soothing like listening to Sigur Ros on Percocet. Reality is less than a memory in my mind. Everything seems a million miles away and I don’t want to be here.
I’m daydreaming:
Of Lemon drops and corduroy, apple-red cheeks and visible breath. Of long sleeves, glowering blacks, chocolate browns and hued greys. It’s finally starting to feel like fall, the crisp air and the short days. Of the people who have come and gone from my life. The friends, the movers and shakers and lovers who are still a whisper on my lips. Of Those naked moments when I tasted the salt off their sweat, still lingering with perfume and endorphins.
Outside my office a garbage truck screeches to a halt, it’s clamorous breaks jolt me awake like fingernails down a chalkboard.
And I was going somewhere with this but now the muse is gone, thank you Scottsdale dept of sanitation.
Song of the day: Eskobar "Someone New”
| 10.27.04 “Epiphany burns so Pretty” |
I’m not saying everyone will, but someone or maybe a few ‘someone’s’. I saying this because I’ve been there, and if you’ve reached the age of 20 chances are you have as well. It’s all part of growing up (and growing bitter). Someone of the opposite sex (if you’re straight) will or has done that to you. They will tear out your heart stomp on it and feed it to rabid monkeys. You will curse their name for hours before breaking down into a puddle of tears, sobs and uncontrollable shaking.
If you haven’t, I’m not sure whether to call you lucky or unlucky.
Song of the day: Ash "Shining Light"
| 10.26.04 ‘Blast’ from the past |
I was thinking about the dirtiest feeling. Well, all things being relevant. I don’t mean dirty in a sexy-nasty way. I’m talking teenage dirty as in I-need-a-shower dirty: Nocturnal Emissions.
Being jolted awake by my own ejaculating teenage cock. Alive and out control because I dreamt of that cute blue-eye girl with the English accent.
I hated waking up to find that sticky, thick wad of semen. It’s tapioca-like consistency ruining my boxers, pj’s and bedsheets. If that wasn’t bad enough, it would turn cold very quickly. Now I had stained myself, my sheets and had a cold-ass wet-spot. “Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!” I would utter without waking the whole house up as I tried wiping that musky expired yogurt off my body. It’s what happens to all males when they don’t drain the dam every once in a while through either sex or self-manipulation. Thank God I no longer have to go through that.
You can thank me for the visual later.
Song of the day: Legato "Small Town Boy”
| 10.21.04 A Ransom for an answer |
We make such a big deal out of the mundane trivialities in life, as if to give them proper meaning. The fact remains we are feeble creatures in this grand scheme of things: insignificant but to ourselves and perhaps friends and family.
All we have are words, the communication of our species to make whatever intangible firing of synapses in our head come ‘alive’ and in such a way, live forever. Our truths and our lies, our experiences of what we sense as ‘real’. We could fill an ocean with humanity's piss & vinegar, and it still wouldn’t amount to a damn thing. Time is the illusion between action and reaction. Sex is just a chemical release. And Love is the opiate of our masses. We need it like a junkie needs a fix. Our desire for it makes us look as desperate as a whore on Sunday morning.
We can’t deal with our minds. We can’t reason with ourselves. We spend too much time trying to live by the guidelines of a 2000 year old book. Or look for quick-fixes like a $26 red string because your favorite movie star wears one. Popping Prozac and Zoloft like tic-tac’s or drugs and alcohol inevitably leading us to 12 Step Programs (because it “works if you work it”). We loiter in the self-help section at the local library or hope St.Phil or St.Oprah will answer our prayers. Our emptiness has built their altar.
And that, my friends, is the worst thing the ‘most intelligent’ species on this planet has to offer.
“People are still bastard-coated bastards stuffed with bastard filling.”
Song of the day: Ivy "Edge of the Ocean”
| 10.19.04 Autumn in PHX |
Where’s the love, darlings?
Song of the day: Mesh "Headstone”
| 10.17.04 Reminisce |
Song of the day: Wolfsheim "Care for you”
| 10.16.04 “Southern girl with a Scarlet Drawl” |
I guess it’s in the way she told her stories, the way she took me there that I really found interesting. We had coffee and then watched I ♥ Huckabee’s.
She’s been here for the last couple of years, like most of us, trying to find herself.
Song of the day: Jason Mraz "I’ll do for you”
| 10.15.04 Signs of a Good Time |
Tonight I have a date with Claire. A cool girl from Tennessee (never thought I’d say those words in the same sentence). She lives to discover new things. With a penchant for pawn shops, swap meets and antique-ing because she loves conversation-starting pieces of junk. She’s unique, and that’s good. There are few things worse than someone ‘ordinary’.
Song of the day: Velvet Acid Christ "Lysergia”
| 10.13.04 The Right is WRONG! |
When our man, John Kerry will use his highly developed, lawyer-tested skills against the dim-witted, war-crazed incumbent, Dubya.
Kerry will talk and Bush will scream and get flustered, I have no doubt that Kerry will win just as he’s won every other debate.
Unfortunately, there’s still a lot of stupid people especially in this conservative bastion of old people who are voting for dubya. Man, just the thought of four more years of the bush badministration is enough to make ill.
He stole the election last year, let’s not let that happen again. If you don’t want the religious right running your life, if you value your freedom and your choice!
Vote Kerry/Edwards.
And ladies, remember, the only bush you can trust, is your own.
Song of the day: Sister of Mercy "This Corrosion"
| 10.12.04 "The perfect child facsimile" |
There’s something about decadence that I’ve always found alluring. Something about the nihilism of not caring as long as you have a good time that is fascinating to me. A consequence-free party lifestyle, that sooner or later, catches up with you. I think it has to do with the loss of self-control, which I don’t have in me. I’m too much of a control freak. My inner libertine, my id is in constant struggle with the rule-bound super-ego. Before I sound hypocritical, yes, I have partied and done shit I shouldn’t have done on more than just a few chemicals. Hasn’t everyone?
Perhaps that’s why I should not procreate. I mean if ever I had kids, they would be projects of vanity. Trying to find the best genes I could get or should I say ‘afford’? and mating with her. Easier said than done.
Song of the day: Radiohead- "The Trickster"
| 10.10.04 "Nickle Bag of Tricks" |
Exhaustion doesn’t even begin to cover it. I’m running on fumes, barely two hours of sleep. That’s on and off sleep, mind you. You see last night the usual green Saturday turned a bit sour when no green was found. It was down to shake/seeds/stems, and a bottle of cheap alcoholic kool-aid.
Being the resourceful girl she is, Renzy suggested we take some gel-tabs I’ve had since summer ‘03. Big mistake. She felt it first, then me. No pretty lights or fingers turning into snakes. Just the woozy, nauseous, vertigo of a bad trip. Reminiscent of spinning really fast in a circle then trying to walk a straight line, only not as fun.
That bunk shit fucked us up, worse of all it had been cut with meth or something. Try as we might, we could not close our eyes and sleep it off. We laid awake, for hours. Sick as hell, cold, and dizzy till the morning came.
Not awake, not asleep, sleep-deprivation does not become me.
Song of the day: Velvet Revolver "Loving the Alien"
| 10.08.04 "Your Blushing Ambition" |
Last night I went to the preview screening of SAW. Renzy accompanied me, when we arrived in Tempe around 6:20pm the line was already a hundred-deep and the theater only held 399. While we were waiting and the line was growing longer, Rick "don’t call me Ricky" Schroeder walked by and handed out passes for his own movie. Now I grew up watching ‘Silver Spoons’ that was a seminal 80’s show. He’s shorter than I thought but the inner 10yr in me was impressed. But I digress. The line started moving around 7:30, and we made our way inside. Most of the seats were already reserved for press. Leigh Whanel the screenwriter who plays Adam, one of the main characters in the movie talked at length to the audience. That was an intense movie, it’s very much a psychological thriller with some boundary pushing visceral-gore on step with ‘Seven’. The surprise ending is one that has to be watched.
Song of the day: Melissa Auf der Maur "Real a Lie"
| 10.07.04 "to do nothing at all" |
Song of the day: Coldplay "Such a Rush"
| 10.04.04 “Calm like a Bomb” |
I’m feeling frustrated, listless and uninspired, kinda of like my journal entries as of late. I do apologize, the words have abandoned me.
Song of the day: Pixies "Nimrod’s Son”
| 10.01.04 “sex, drugs and ebm” |
I slept on and off this morning, finally getting up at 10:30 to get our day started. A morning of iTunes playlists I owed her a b-day present so we drove to Ross by my house. Finding nothing there, we headed to the Ross by her house. Still, there was nothing. So it was off to Charlotte Russe where we finally found a dress for her. I took her home and drove in the early-rush hour home.
Song of the day: VNV Nation "Rubicon”
| 09.29.04 "Wicked world we live in" |
Over the weekend I got a response from my Gothic Personals Ad. The girl was cute, with a Betty Page do and a ribbon in her hair. So what was the problem? She’s a satanist. I don’t need that kind of energy around me. Can you imagine what she would say in bed? Instead of "oh God" it’d be "oh lucifer"? Attractive or not, sacrificing kittens and devil-worshipping just don’t do it for me.
Song of the day: The Transplants "Diamonds & Guns"
| 09.28.04 Birthday Girl |
Song of the day: Frou Frou "Let Go"
| 09.24.04 “eyes of disarray” |
I’m disappointed (yeah, so what’s new right?) I read on Yahoo news that John Kerry will be ending his advertising campaign in four states that are “lost causes” in terms of voting polls. Arizona being one of them. He rather spend campaign money on more battleground states. You’d think rich-bitch Theresa would throw in a little cashflow from some of her billions to keep up the fight.
In all fairness John, did you or Edwards campaign in the metro-PHX area at least once? No you did not. To think I even put a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on my car, MY CAR!
Although I try not to diss my home state, despite it being 5-10yrs behind other big cities, I realize we must be seen as hicks in the sticks by other states. While cool states (figuratively and temperature-wise) are liberal, we are full of retired, hard line republicans baking in the southwest desert. Especially in Scottsdale where money and age go hand in hand, “W” stickers on half of the SUV’s and Bush/Cheney posters on the Hayden green-belt. Ugh! The thought of another 4yrs of Cheney/bush badministration is enough to make me sick!
Damn! Why hast thou forsaken us, Kerry?
Song of the day: Stone Temple Pilots "Plush”
| 09.23.04 Sanity slips away |
Another workday: data entry and babysitting teachers who, I need not remind you, make more than I do.
Song of the day: VNV Nation "Rubicon"
| 09.21.04 Zephyrs of change |
Song of the day: Bjork "Human Behavior"
| 09.19.04 Nunc scio quit sit amor |
As the mysteries within your thoughts enveloped these surroundings over time, the lucid metaphors swallowed my mind whole. I destroyed your fantasy. Your heart torn asunder; shattered by my egotistic imprisoned heart. Even now, my reflection is hard to bear.
The moon and stars seem to stretch into forever, if only I believed that far.
Song of the day: Red Hot Chili Peppers "Don’t Forget Me"
| 09.15.04 "Pills & Thrills and Bellyaches" |
We work, day in, day out, like drones, thinking about winning the lottery or marrying rich. Pipe dreams make life worth living. Knowing your dreams have less of a chance than a snowball in hell is just too much of a downer. Those little moments of wool-weaving put smiles on our faces. At least, until we return to ugly reality.
Song of the day: The Happy Mondays "Loose Fit"
| 09.14.04 Cooking’s for Suckers |
One hour’s worth of work to eat a 10minute meal? The math just does not add up. I could’ve spent 5minutes at a drive through and avoided the rest of the mess.
Taco Hell, it’s what’s for dinner.
Song of the day: Smashing Pumpkins "Mouths of Babes"
| 09.13.04 Knackered |
I woke up at 5am on Saturday after drinking the last of the Chardonnay to make me forget the horrors or lack thereof in that horrendous ‘Resident Evil’ movie.
I took my mom and sister to the airport, they will be gone for a week to visit my grandparents. I wish I could’ve gone but I have work to do since school has been in session for only a month, I couldn’t get the time off. I went back to my house and tried to sleep but to no avail. Time for some breakfast, eggs and bacon. Nothing tastes like Saturday morning more than bacon burnt to a crisp, buttered toast and a sunny-side up eggs. I cleaned the house and played on the computers till Renzy came over at 1:30. We did some of my chores at the library and Target. After the hoojaboo and the necessary sex we called Off the Grill for dinner. And called, and called, nothing but a busy signal. The busy signal went on for an hour and a half. Starving like Marvin, we finally decided to go there and order. Guess what? Those sonsabitches got evicted! There was just a sign on the door, you know they should’ve left that on their voicemail! Seeing that Pei Wei was open, we got some take out from them.
Stephanie stopped at my place to give back a questionnaire Renzy had given her. She and I both disliked the RE movie. Although we got to see Milla’s nipple-on-a-rib tits, we agreed there was too much action, yet at the same time: boring. We did philosophize about the first man to ever look at a crab and decide "I’m eating this motherfucker!" because crab takes effort, you work for your food with crablegs. I agreed, kinda like the first person to smoke marijuana. I mean who looked at the plant and said "I going to smoke this shit". How much other shit did he smoke before finding something that worked? Stephanie later dung-beetled a resin ball for us to enjoy. When Weirich left we continued the two-person Pookie party till we were wasted. Listening to Dave Gahan lullaby us to sleep in the Depeche Mode Videos 86-98.
Sunday woke us up with the freedom of nothing to do. No alarm, no rush-rush breakfast, no quickie sex. A calm morning, more eggs and bacon for breakfast. The rest of the day was pretty mellow, did some laundry, had some lunch, and watched ‘Casa Blanca’ as well as some episodes of The Office.
It was nice to have company throughout this lonely weekend.
Anyone want to come over and hang out with me this week?
Song of the day: Audra "Midnight Moon Swing"
| 09.11.04 what boredom will do |
I guess aesthetics go into play, good looks always supercedes good content.
As I read through these little excerpts of life, I noticed there are those who claim to have a million friends. Except they’re all online, which means they still spend their Friday nights sitting at home, alone. Staring at a monitor and nodding their heads in agreement with the words that someone, somewhere thought. North/South America, Europe, Asia-does it really matter? Those are not people, they’re words on a screen. Thoughts meandering from a few thousand miles away. When it comes to YOUR life they are just symbols HTML’ed into your "reality" – whatever that may be.
Speaking of internet buddies, Allora, asked if I wanted to meet her friends and go watch Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Seeing as I had nothing else to do, I agreed. I got there at 7:20, Allora did not show up till 7:40pm and the movie started at a quarter to eight. I hardly got time to ‘talk’ to her before buying my ticked at Student price NO LESS! (Boys and girls, don’t ask me how I pulled out that one!). All I said to her was "I thought you weren’t showing up" and she said, "I didn’t think you would come, I didn’t check my email."
What? That’s all you can say? Oh well, that’s why we haven’t ‘seen’ each other in 6mo’s. As far s that movie was concern, thumbs up for showing Milla’s A-cups. Other than that, the move was a waste of time; like watching an hour an a half version of the Thriller video. Except for the 10minutes I spent searching for my phone when it fell out of my pocket.
Is that really all there is to life? Spending two hours of my life with strangers, watching bad movies?
Song of the day: Trash Palace "Je T’aime"
| 09.09.04 SUV Conspiracy |
What have YOU done to get Bush out of office today?
Song of the day: Thurston Moore "Ono Soul"
| 09.08.04 iCursed |
Now my Jetta has an ugly ass scratch across the right back bumper and a cracked break-light. I called Progressive and I have an appt for Monday to get it fixed. Of course, the deductible is $500 plus the cost of the rental while they fix it. Now my damn rates are going to go up! Just because some piece of shit driving a piece of shit (you know how I feel about Neons) was pulling out at the same time as I. At least I got her worse than she got me.
Damn, that ruined my day. Five hundred dollars! There went the money to fix my aching teeth and my iPod!
Song of the day: Starsailor "Tie up my Hands"
| 09.06.04 dark disguises |
It feels like Sunday, waking up to an alarm so Renzy and I had time to do our thing before getting the day started. It’s been non-stop since then: dropped her off, went home, picked up my sister from work and had lunch in Tempe. Drove back to CompUSA in North Scottsdale and then Fashion Square. I’m sick of driving.
I’m sick of a lot of things, and I’m not even at work. You know those people that just irk you? The kind that just rub you the wrong way? You know, like Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush or Dick Cheney. There is this one teacher whose very voice sends me into homicidal rage. It’s sappy and southern, complete air-head that makes me want to reach inside the phone and choke her to death. Because I keep it REAL like that!
Song of the day: Mount Sims "Black Sunglasses"
| 09.03.04 like the old days |
Song of the day: Jem "They"
| 09.01.04 The Dog’s Bollocks |
Song of the day: System of a Down "Spiders"
| 08.31.04 "A child is who I’ll Die" |
Really, there are a set number of sunrises you will ever see. There are only so many times you will eat or drink or have sex.
Do you want your very own, home-made time machine? Three simple things: a yearbook, HS era music and, if you have them, videos. Nothing will feel like your lost youth more than this.
Tonight’s homework: Look at all four years of your High School Yearbook. How do you feel?
Song of the day: Smashing Pumpkins "Soot and Stars"
| 08.29.04 "So if you’re lonely…" |
Am I the only one who has arguments with myself? Me vs Me, the rational-side vs the emotional-side. The Brain Vs The Heart. It really is a showdown, who should we listen to? The brain, with it’s logic and uniformity? Or the Heart, with it’s emotions and irrationality? Needless to say, we are complex creatures that must have that harmony between mind and heart to feel good. Yes, the physical must have the intellect and the emotion to feel good about all of its decisions. That "it", the Being that we are, more than just flesh and bone.
How well do you wear your chaos?
Song of the day: Franz Ferdinand "Take Me Out"
| 08.27.04 But not tonight |
Christina and I reminisced how good things used to be and what a pathetic excuse for a ‘goth’ club it is now. I suppose that is the state of the entire AZ ‘scene’ now days.
Either way, it’s time to find a new place to go.
Song of the day: Interpol "NYC"
| 08.26.04 Existential Beauty and Angst |
With 10minutes before show time, the herd started trekking to the seats. The Cure took the stage amidst the roars of the crowd.
Setlist:
Plainsong, Shake dog shake, Labyrinth, From the edge of the deep green sea, The end of the world, Anniversary, Lovesong, Inbetween days, Push, Sinking, Pictures of you, Maybe someday, Before 3, Alt.end, Strange day, 100 years, Disintegration
1st Encore: Charlotte sometimes, Just like heaven, Boys don't cry
2nd Encore: Close to me, Lovecats, Why can't I be you
3rd Encore: A forest, Forever (*ended with lyrics from 2late)
Robert Smith’s voice sounded great, still kicking after all these years. The rest of the band was tight on their instruments and the visuals were very appealing. Three encores! Wow, I was blown away by their energy and commitment to their fans with 2.5 hours of music. It may sound like blasphemy, but I had a better time last night than I did at Dave. They were definitely The Cure I needed.
Song of the day: The Cure "Maybe Someday"
| 08.25.04 Curioso |
DMB played a lot of new material that few people knew. When Dave busted out with the fan faves the crowd really got into it. I haven’t heard a better violin-solo than the one Boyd had on "Lie in our Graves" except for "Tripping Billies" 2yrs ago. However they dragged that song, and thereby reducing the climax of such fiddle playing by adding a piano and sax solo. And you know by the time fans start clapping and ‘cheering’ they are telling the band to hurry up and move to the next song.
Setlist:
What Would You Say, Rhyme and Reason, Grey Street, Joy Ride, The Song That Jane Likes, Sugar Will, Too Much, Hello Again, Grace Is Gone, Crazy-Easy, The Stone, Lie In Our Graves, One Sweet World, Jimi Thing, Where Are You Going, Tripping Billies, Encore: Everyday
Tonight is The Cure concert. Damn, another trip to the ghetto. I hate driving that far, but I couldn’t pass up a free ticket to see a legendary band. It should be a good time, lots of bands and plenty of freaks.
Song of the day: The Verlaines "Heavy 33"
| 08.24.04 Heroin High? |
We came to the office with the News that three of our High Schools had students arrested for heroin. That was the big news last night, even though the media report was dated August 10th. What does that mean? It means that Porker Joe waited until school started just so he and his pig-posse could make headlines again.
Tonight is the Dave Matthews Band concert, my summer tradition. I hope he plays a good set-list, at least better than what Saaid got.
You are: Crash. You're whimsical, fun-loving, and curious. You like
to ask questions and can sometimes make a bit
of a scene. Also: you have the best compilation of songs.
Which Dave Matthews Band Album are you?
Song of the day: Kruder & Dorfmeister "Original Bedroom Rockers"
| 08.23.04 Do you believe in Miracles? |
Now you know if you were going to achieve anything, you would’ve made it by now. If you haven’t, you won’t. Coming to terms with that has been a constant struggle for someone with entitlement issues, like myself.
However, explanation is not experience. Knowledge comes at the price of innocence. At the price of losing our childhood dreams.
Finding myself lost in the slipstream of thoughtless thought. the breadcrumb trail leading me back home has been eaten by vindictive birds of age. You really can’t go home again. I watched Garden State yesterday. That little indie movie was better than most of the multimillion-dollar movies I’ve seen this summer.
Song of the day: Murray Attaway "Allegory"
| 08.21.04 "Smile, like you mean it" |
Song of the day: Pearl Jam "State of Love & Trust"
| 08.18.04 Unenviable |
Weird how we don’t think about our health until we don’t have it.
Song of the day: Chingon "Malagueña Salerosa”
| 08.16.04 Missing the Muse |
Inspiration cannot be forced; it comes when it chooses if it chooses, at all. But when it does come, it is a thing of beauty. Thoughts congruently make sense in every shape and fashion. Inspiration must be captured before it flees. Whether through creativity or destruction, it needs to be harnessed before leaving.
Song of the day: Malcolm Mclaren "About Her”
| 08.13.04 lucky 13 |
As you know, Rick James died a week ago today.
RIP Superfreak
Song of the day: New Concept "Harbour of Storm”
| 08.11.04 Mit wehm glaubst du sprichts du jetzt? |
Things I hate:
Humpbacked, watermelon carrying 80yr olds who dare approach me and ask dumb-ass questions as if I bagged groceries for minimum wage.
Madonna: there I said it, or should I say Esther? Her new found khabalist views are stupid at best. WTF Madonna? You used to be so hot, now you’re in a cult. For shame.
Britney Murphy: Is it just me that finds her ugly? Her bugged out eyes and tendency to make faces every time she speaks annoy the hell out of me. No wonder Ashton dumped your sorry ass.
Subway sandwich “artists”: c’mon you’re all nothing more than glorified deli-workers.
Dashboard Confessional: whiny, 4ft tall, tattooed, emo-bitch.
The five-second ‘rule’: Ok, there is NO RULE. I don’t care what anyone says, if food drops on the floor it is thrown away. Don’t pick it up to eat it. That’s just nasty.
Song of the day: OutKast "Rooster”
| 08.09.04 Aggravations |
My summer is over and now I need a vacation.
Song of the day: Carl Orff "Carmina Burana"
| 08.06.04 Survival |
Song of the day: Geto Boys "Damn it feels good to be a Gangsta"
| 08.03.04 Priorities |
It’s hard to pick a priority when EVERYTHING is priority. Boy, did I earn my keep today. I feel a stress headache coming on.
Song of the day: Rolling Stones "Almost hear you Sigh"
| 08.01.04 surrounded |
I’m currently trapped. Surrounded by Styrofoam boxes, plastic bags, cardboard and wires. I got a new dvd player/surround sound system. Granted, it’s a cheap piece of crap that compared to my JVC triple-decker but that one did not cost me $83 after coupons and rebates. It can also play mp3’s and has all the bells & whistles my 4yr old player does not.
I’ve gotten myself into several home-improvement projects, which should keep me busy for a while. There’s a 300lbs wrought iron table waiting to be assembled in my kitchen. I’m still sore from dragging it out of my dad’s truck, up an 8ft flight of stairs and into my place. I also have to assemble the four chairs.
I also bought three different shades of tan to decorate my guest-bathroom and hallway. I have my sister managing that project since her Go-Go-Gadget attitude seems to get things done faster than my wait-till-I-have-time approach.
I’m proud to say I paid off my Visa. How long will it remain balance free? That’s a question only the dentist can answer. I thought about getting digital cable and high-speed internet. Then I realized $115 a month could be better spent. Besides, cable is a distraction and while I love it, it prevents me from more noble and artistic pursuits like reading, writing and playing guitar.
Song of the day: Sleeper "Atomic"
| 07.29.04 Kerry/Edwards ‘04 |
After a week of Democrat convention propaganda, I sincerely hope he wins. Just look at these men, Kerry and Edwards they are hip and ‘with it’. Now look at the Republicans, Religious-Right, old and grouchy. Like the mean old lady next door who used to feed my Nerf footballs to her dogs when they accidentally went over to her yard.
If I were still in blissfully existing in that glorious university Universe were the real world was still too far away from me to see. My optimistic liberal college views would lead me directly to Kerry. Especially when I graduated, couldn’t find a job, and realized I owed 60K in student loans.
I suppose I wouldn’t feel this way were I successful (i.e. Rich). I’d be busy looking after my interests, which must be protected. Making sure Dubya got me my tax-break.
But sadly, I’m not.
Song of the day: The Postal Service- "Such Great Heights"
| 07.26.04 Time to make the donuts |
Brrr, it’s chilly in here, so much in fact I’ve busted out with my sweater. A literally Old School one I’ve had since like 8th grade, it’s all warm and fuzzy. Peace and humptiness forever.
| PARENTAL |
| ADVISORY |
| ALVIE CONTAINS EXPLICIT LYRICS |
[journal 2003]
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[Chuck]
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