When I was in the army, they used to call me Armless Sal.  Not that I had no arms, but I did have only one.  When I got in trouble, for messing up push-ups, or acidentally hitting Sarge during volleyball practice, they used to make me peel potatoes, which was pretty tough, remembering that I only had one arm.  Me and Stinky Pete would sit in the kitchen for sometimes three or four days and not get to leave except for sleeping.  Stinky Pete was almost always in trouble for something or other, and he was my best kitchen pal.  And we'd be there, him, with the flys, peeling three at a time; and me, potato wedged beneath my chin, playing it like a violin.