12.August.99

Suspense

Jack London. I thought about foreword and these two came to my mind. I'm not going to talk about him. Reading many authors you are apt to say: "He is thinking the same as me". I felt it often. Reading great men you feel them as your chums, not great but equal. Jack London is one of "Russians" writers as Jerome is one of "Russians" too.

My own attitude to Jack - he is a strong man, he is active and straight. Comparing him with me - he is rather inclined to seek drama in outer side of life, in physical and natural life-expressions. So, respecting and partly envying, I feel slight pity for him.

I watched on TV one curious interview. Our famous actor told about his literal biases. TV-man asked him: "But you are so well-known actor of Russian school. Did you grown on Russian classics surely?" And Zhzhenov, (so is the name of the actor) said: "I was bred on English authors. I read as a boy Jule Vern of course too, but the basement of my character was build with help of English speaking ones". I don't remember the names he called, because many of them are unknown too me. But he named Jack London recapitulating them.

Answering on the question of TV-man: "But aren't they alien to Russian mentality?", Zhzhenov said: "Why should they, if I don't alien to theirs. It is the fact that my role in "All King's Men" was accepted by men over ocean as genuine one".

I had strange acquaintance with Jack London. Being mere child my olders read me him as night reading. It was White Fang. To my shame I must admit I read Jack a little. We have TV movie in three series "Called Wild", (in Russian translation "Sea Wolf"), made by Volodarsky, (the same man who made Russian movie about Sherlock Holmes). Jack is real Russian author by many reasons and one of them - he broaches on copyright-Russian problems, about which we will not talk in this narrative.

I tried with his Martin Iden. It was one of the rummiest business in my life. Usually I dutifully read book. (I stopped to read Agatha Christie after I opened last page once and read whole content of that book in two paragraphs). Handling Jack's book in hands I casually without any back thought opened it in random place. It by chance happened to be page before last in the story, (the volume contented two his novels so it was approximately in the middle of the book). I read it and was impressed by it. I was probably even more impressed because I didn't saw whole book and saw only upshot. Of course I had no will to read this story from beginning, and more than it, it gave me food for thought and depressed me in good way, (I plunged in pensive meditation on many life facets).

There are strong people in the world but they took much risk after their strength. (You of course know fable about straw (or cane) and oak). Envying much to Jack London I should say many very strong people can get crack in their core even staying staunch men. In the moment of my birth I probably chose to be soft and pliable but with steel core inside me. There is no sense to discuss what is bad and what is good and what everyone should to choose. In the run of life strong active people do much use and they are really .....

DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!! Special report! Do any one of you remember about wasp-swallowing business? Now in my cup drowning recurrent wasp! This is the third accident in last two weeks! Sorry for non-literary stuff but just imagine what I would be if I swallow it at last!

Ok, I'll continue. So they are columns of society and of human progress, (if such thing really exists). But there are practically useless with practical point of view men. I know labeling people is rot but ... I consider myself as a meter, as constant. Meter can lay and do nothing but it is one of the most useful things humanity ever invented. I have huge hope that I can be weak and a coward but I have something inside me what can't be broken by any life storms and tornado. I know, I know: "Never say never", and "Tempor mutantor and nos mutantor meres". I just want to say I feel certitude that I have something very stable and it helps me and often makes me even arrogant. That is why I said I respect and envy Jack London but in the same time I have a pity for him. (It was funny to remember how I instructed on this subject with a girl whose legacy on two levels bigger than mine).

He was clever but he wasn't wise. Now I'm reading Jerome "Second Thoughts of an Idle Fellow", (you know how great my respect is to his books). And he conveys idea, which was my own not a long time ago. "Not the Hero but the blameless valet; not the man who does any good, but the man who has not been found out in any of evil is our modern ideal". I.e. there is school of thought that talks - "We wrongly rely on Christian Ten Commandments, as on origin of whole our moral. We shouldn't be mere "blameless valets" but we should become heroes". This point of view has its sane scruple and I was apt to agree with it. Many people agree with it as it did Jack London or young Jerome even now. It is difficult to understand and I came to it only lately: You could be lame and humble but the first thing - to have these principles inside you. Every one counts himself strong enough and think: "What is this don't-wish-neighbor's-wife and such like rot about? I'm not a fool and I have a right and I will be a hero, (of course good one)". London was a real Hero and he was good and talented. I am not acquainted with his biography in details but I'm ready to bet, his destiny was doomed by this beautiful to sight but crude inside life philosophy.

Surfing, yacht-world-tripping, awful Solomon Isles, Love of Life - But I was going to tell you about my own life, my own adventures and my own excitement of events. Having very balanced mind all my adult life has been very calm and without much throwing myself in dangerous extremities. Just stead thinker's life, no less.

But boys will be boys, men should be cussed sometimes - law.

Russia was mad about Darwin. I don't know is he an absolute authority to other part of world but to Russia it was so for many years. As for me, considering myself as scientific man, I take his theory as useful hypothesis, fitting many facts but not more. Talking general, Darwin's theme is one of my favorite ones and I can dispute on it for hours. I mentioned it now just to say. It is opinion, men have something in common with monkeys.

Now I begin to unite all separate threads above-mentioned. It began 19 years ago on the shore of Russian river Volga. (I have pics on my site snapped in two hundred meters from this place, which were made ten years later). I was in camp. I doubt that I had an urge to challenge the world, I just did what I wanted to do - namely - tree-climbing. I began with good tree - fir. It was mammoth fir, skyscraping. My first fir stood on the edge of a field, on one side of which was river, on opposite - camp's cottages and on other sides - primeval forest. Position was ideal. I climbed near a top and had much fun.

No, fun is not a word, it was magnificent sense of enjoying of myself, nature, life, all being. If you need to get depiction of feelings on such occasions - take any books of conquerors of Everest. I don't know what is to be binge-addicted or whore-addicted. I just know if you climbed first branches of hundred year old fir, you will find yourself on top of it.

Being little child age of six, you have slim and light body. I often think, children don't know what "to feel body" is. Grown-ups used to say "my leg" or "my ankle", "my head", "my heart", "stomach". They used to say not only about pain but in a way of analysing their present state. Adults know what are physical burden and physical pain, they know what is physical joy and physical relaxation. Children don't know any of these sophistications. They romp or they don't romp, they scamper or they are all lazy bones. (Do you have children? Ask them about their physical feelings. If they begin to tell you something it would be only to please you).

Starting on climbing you decide every time where should we stop. Nothing hinders you except your own feeling of danger. Similar feelings are had by grafters and road-hogs. Let police to take care about bribe-takers and as concerns dare-devils riders - they are fools. They are people with rudimentary knowledge of physics law, they even don't know that you can feel only force and nothing except force. (I am sure all physicians sooner or later become a philosophers). And ...

People, do you want old physics joke?

There are exams in theological seminary. Teacher asks pupil: "What is Divine Force?"

One: "It is deeds of God, which he shows to us"

Teacher: "No".

Another: "It is divine expression of heavens design and hand of our Lord".

Teacher: "No".

*Silence*

Teacher: "Oh boys, don't you know that Divine Force is product of Divine Mass and Divine Acceleration?"

So talking about fast drivers - they don't know that people unable to feel speed, (the same thing as velocity). You can feel only angle velocity, and if you ride directly you need only acceleration, speed itself has no sense at all, (unless it is not a near-to-light-velocity).

But let us not forget we were on tree, and on a splendid specimen. That fir had very convenient "window" near it's top. I sat there and saw: sky, river, Kukuruznik, (the nickname of small airplane), camp cottages, (dining-house included) and all field, (from corner to corner with scattering on it ants-men).

Was it a youth fascination? - No. And I have scientific explanation to it. This explanation will involve Freud and Alpinists, so be prepared. Freud had his points but now we will talk about his topsy-turvy business. Have you ever night-dreams when you were flying? Answer me only one question: have you ever flutter by wings in these dreams as sparrow or swallow? I guess - not. And another thing: Do you know any living creature, which was so fond of swing? I also guess - not.

The fact is we like free oscillation and free air gliding. I tried with mountain-climbing - it's not so good, (even not counting perspectives of long and tiresome descending). I had real fun climbing in mountains, (it was deep open-cast mine but his deepness was even more impressing than many mountain peaks). This fun included in itself a stone-throwing. I hoped in that time that it would be funny to look at little stone-fall, but the fun came when people conveyed to me idea that I missed one's chap head, who was dozens foots under place I stood, only by inch. After this trifle accident my interest to any kind of hills visibly diminished.

But when I say that we all like free oscillation and free air gliding, what does it remind to you? Of course - monkeys! Only jumping from one tree to another they had that magnificent feeling of fly, and only rocking themselves on tree branches, throwing their weight to and fro, they felt as on real swing. People, who ever probed to climb on good tree, have a chance to become addicted to it for ages.

16.August.99

I think, I even sure it would be useful to have laptop. I was in village, had real itching to write. Now I'm in city. There is no any positive itching at all. (But one girl said me that I should keep to my writing if I want to have money after it someday).

If you are beginner in tree-climbing - the best way to begin is to begin with big fir. Of course it's supposed that you are very young. Childhood - is just the age to begin a real sport. And it gives you extra pluses: your mass is puny in comparison with fir's mass so you would even no notice when you would reach the top of it. Another point: branches grow very often, (what gives a fir her unique thickness). On the level of your height are at lest 5 branches. It allows you to be a really poor climber. All climbing will be easy walk to you in fir's circumstances.

I call this technique - snake's. You are gliding from one branch to another with practically absolute absence of any hindrance, (pitch doesn't count). But in my years it counted. I was as a rule in Knickerbockers, (never wore them since that time) and in shirt, (not T-shirt), but in ordinary white shirt with sleeves. On the half way of my ascending my head was generally busy with: "What the hell? ... Ok I will scrape out all this tar lately. .... By the by it was not my favorite style, I should change this shirt anyhow in real future, so I will change it as (if) only I will be down ..."

But they were only separate bits, pieces of my mind-work. My general thinking apparatus was busy with thought "What chose one?" - I tried to decide what branch will be next. You see, I already told you - there were plenty of branches you should be no afraid but ... this is as chess-party, if you make one false step which seems to be Ok, and then another and then one more - the next thing you've got to know - you are checkmated. (You even can't imagine how one trunk and two hundred branches can make a life-size maze to you). There were times I was ought to give reverse.

Did I tell you that Alpinists have difficulties with descending, ("big reverse"), and I chose tree-climbing for it's easiness? - Forget about it. Alpinists have a rope and their slopes are reliable ones. I had no rope, (there is no use of it in such maze of branches and pitch). And more then it, - never leave a child, under age 22, alone with a rope, it can be a major reason to his premature suffocation, (I say, rope is in hundred times more dangerous thing than any plastic bag, remember it!).

But why so young? There is an axiom - people afraid of any oscillation. When you are young and light as a feather, you begin to afraid of oscillation when it's too late. By the way I guess you often wondered how kittens like to climb on tops. The same effect works with them. Only people are loony. Can anyone explain me why people try to put them down? As for me, I will never come to the conclusion that a cat will die of starvation simply because it refuses descend on our sinful Earth. (But, I heard from one scientist that cats "descended" not from tree branches, but from lakes' shores. It explains their inability of any tree reverse in kitten's age and their unhealthy addictiveness to any kind of fish, (up to wale-hunting)).

Boundaries of my narration, (I want to expostulate on climbing), don't allow me to tell you about my camp life dutifully. There is worth to mention that I was a First, I was Gararin. (It's so pity that my youngish years in that time didn't allow me to flirt with girls and to use my advantage of being first and on the top).

Humble little people! I only pitied them! They followed my noble example and tried to improve their souls and bodies by art of tree-climbing. But they made blunder. First thing, - they chose wrong firs, (mine was already busy with me). Second and main, they outnumbered whole business. (There were too many of them). (Just image, all New-York, and wants to be a Rockfellers, - potty). When one and half of younger group were suspended on lowest branches of nearest firs, general alarm was arisen in staff's circles of a camp. They didn't evaluated them, they even said that any firs' adoring is appropriate only in winter season and on X-mass eve. So they were caught and severely punished, (I don't know how, so I will not tell you lies).

But what about me and my future? My future will give you a plenty of food for moral. If you cheat, - cheat in big scales, if you wrong society, - do it from the top of it! I.e. I was on top and before my eyes wide vistas opened. The tree was so high, the branches were so numerous, the needles were so thick, (and I was so small) - they didn't discerned me in my dazzling highness. Of course they had the suspicion that there should be the cause why so simple and unpretentious children had got fancy of living on trees. Did they suspect namely me or any other person I unable to say. I just sat there and enjoyed airplane in the sky and ships on the river, everything, (including me) was on their right places.

Why I don't like some kind of sheriffs? Because they have the same ill custom, - having no opportunity to catch guilty ... well a bit astrayed person, they pinch him when he is an innocent as a lamb. It happened by one night. All boys were overexcited after their failure with my own idea. I slept. I slept the sleep of the just. My day's good deed was done, shirt was tucked in the bag end even conscious wasn't ruffled with camp's staff. But other boy needed their part of fan. Did they make row or fuss or scuffle, or told scaring stories, - I unable to fathom, - I slept. The next thing I got to know. I am waken putted out of bed and collared by a girl who called "pioneer leader" and was on camp's staff. She was probably young, (much younger than I'm now), but in that time I couldn't make any correlation to her young age. I was pulled into the dark hall practically naked, (soldier call this "uniform number one"). I don't know did I tell this accident or know I just feel that my recent story lacks of girls presence so I told to myself "Bring on the girl". By mere chance from girls room appeared a girl. Her appearance was in the same circumstances and in the same garments. We, both were unjustly condemned but our despot made big mistake, which can be compared only with a real blunder. We organized a nice society of two of us. There were too dark to talk and it would sufficiently rash for the opportunity of being snatched for disorder for a second time and being driven in the street or even in Siberia. But we had no much need in words. Our positions were mutually shameful, it is only grown up men and women think to be naked in the society of each other is a good thing. And there were really dark and even a bit clam.

If I begin to talk about girls and nights let me say another couple of words on these topic. There were terms in camps and I stayed for a few of them. But there was a spell between them. The camp was remote from Moscow. Children from nearest city went home, but we decided to wait next term in the camp. So in whole camp there were one or two olders. And some boys and girls from all groups. There were a few of us. Otherwise I unable to explain the situation when I happened to have a night with girls from the oldest group. I evaluate them as 15th. There were more than adults for me. There was something special. Of course I was twice shorter than them and my main business was to fight for my independence, the danger of loosing of which I felt when they become to present me with sweets. The sweets I took, (from mere indulgence to them), but further, - further I erected a wall from all my staunch abilities. I was nearly sure that they would try to make of me a current doll, "No way" - would be my words to this initiative. They real fight was when they tried to lay me in a bed, (I should sleep in their room, mind you). They said there is nothing awful in dismantling my dress for a one or two nights. They even showed it two me on their own example, but I turned a deaf ear to such cheap ruses. - I slept in full ammunition, tried to stir less to not mess the creases.

It was twenty years ago. Did anything change from that time? Yes, I lost any interest in tree-climbing. But let us deviate from the main theme once more, I have a solid reason in doing it. I'm sure that I already mentioned this case in my notes but I hope you didn't read it so I with light heart retell it anew. Eight years later I was in the oldest camp group by myself. We walked out of the camp to the camp fire or such like cultural event. I walked with fellows not having involved in anything particular. One girl came to me and said: "Do you remember me?" Of course I couldn't recognize her. But when she explained me that she was THAT girl, I murmured "I see" and "Very glad". I am not intending to chew on it for long. Main idea is - they have got me in their memory like billy-o. They remember and more than it - they recognize. I for a long longed to write many words to say I'm special. Not me as personality but me in body. I probably already talked that one day I saw in subway one guy who was just like me by appearance. Girls compared me with movie heroes, (mostly with maniacs). (To say true my old acquaintance reminded me somebody and my fellow-friend from Institute sustained it). But about me: I'll allow to quote my "simply news" column on 16.August.99:

"Arrived my sister from vacations from Turkey. She says she the exact copy of me between tourists. (Wow!). Nature is redundant. I hope at least one of us will be lucky in this world. To say true, I'm afraid of it and excited, - so many copies of so unique person."

And what is harasses me do we have different mental organization or the same? They should differ from me, but what if ... ? Ok Ok, I guess they differs from me at least only by two facts: they have guts and they have spine. (I.e. they are adventurous). And my adventures in these times diminished to dangerous tricks on the highway.

But there was real ray of light. Two years (or may be three) ago I climbed, - my branch-crawling career was in its prime. Then I toured near my manor house. The places were the exact copy of those in the camp but lacked a sea, (river in that place was so broad, (4 km), so you can call it an inner sea, (mean tongue called the river "a pregnant snake")). To say true I doubting to define the fact was it after poplars or before, (doesn't matter).

I took my copybook with new-met English words, (can you imagine that three or so years ago there weren't any difference to me between English, Spanish or Finnish). I tried to catch in my mind four-six new words and began to repeat them all through my way. I took my bicycle and rode into forest. Then I chose appropriate pine.

People, if you are not a children, climb pines, they are one of the best thing to climb! To have real fun or to see a real perspectives you would either to go in mariners and climb to masts, (which as matter of fact have been pines too), either you can climb real ones. (I prefer latter because you are at large and not in a sea. (No man in sea is a free man. I would never be a mariner, (and especially submariner))).

What is good in pines? Their trunks even and direct-to-the-sky. Their branches are not so rare and not so multitude. Neither they too thick or too thin, - just the right sort. And when you at it, you feel real sea breeze, - they oscillate under whiffs of a wind, but you shouldn't to be afraid - they are the staunchest trees in the whole wood. And again - they give you a good seat to see vistas, crowns aren't too dense and they can be darned-good high fellows!

What can you see from them? - I'll save your and mine time, I'll give you a pics. Look at them, (but attentively), and you will see waste horizons, you will see the forest ocean. You would have no chance to see such things from airplane and all the more from plain ground. So glance at them.

And I really recommend to practice it. I made a pics, it means that I climbed it with one hand and one half of mind, (other was busy with repeating English, but climbing to the top and observing such beauty 50% of them were irrevocably lost. Even more funny business happened when I returned to my copy-book in evening and discovered that those words which I didn't splashed during my trip were all messed in one big pile and showed no any common sense at all).

They were the days! I was like a professional angler, who waste main part of his time not in fishing but in choosing. I rode miles and miles of desolate forest paths to find good spots. It was not easy, - you should foretell from which tree the best view could be achieved, but of course it will come to you with a practice.

Talking about pics: I was not crazy, I was lazy enough to climb without any rope, (on pine you feel that this accessory is unnecessary, so I didn't want to crash camera and there was a charm to have all this beauty all to myself and all to a moment. (I showed in these days real philosophy worthy to a Buddhist monk)). I just breathed it and swallowed in it, I saw bird of pray in five meters from me waving its gigantic wings and I saw wood-grouse fling under shadow of tree crowns, (such trifle as woodpeckers and squirrels are even don't worth mentioning).

Do I agitate you for tree-climbing? -Yes. I even will give you few useful hints as what you should beware about. I say only one word: "Poplars". In this word hidden much. Real courage and real cowardice, minute speculating and dash rash is all in it. But the story is a serious one and it will take a time, (at least I plan to make it long for you).