Every parent's worst nightmare, is the death of a child. However, when a child dies from substance abuse, the nightmare carries an added stigma. People who point fingers, & blame the parents only adds to the guilt, fear, & isolation. The truth is, we have lost the "war on drugs!" Drug use, among young people, knows no boundaries. It can happen to the Honor Student or the underachiever, the athlete or the cheerleader, the kids from a single parent household to the kids with both parents living together, the kids who go to church, the kids who do not. Drug use & addiction is rampant, & has taken so many of our beautiful, precious children, & left parents to grieve alone with little understanding, from society.

My son, Kelly, died June 29, 1996, from an overdose of heroin. The details of that hideous night, have not been made clear, to me, & probably never will. The only thing that IS clear is that Kelly is dead! I saw his cold lifeless body, my baby! I entered the Mortuary Chapel. Kelly was draped with a sheet, only his handsome face exposed, he had his baseball hat on, at first I thought what a sweet gesture, & then reality told me is was to cover his head so as not to see where they had sawed it open to examine his brain at the autopsy. I couldn't stand without help, my baby, my baby, I began talking to him, I bent to kiss him, oh, he was so cold!! I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. I had to sit down, I was going to fall over, otherwise. I sat on that bench, trying to collect myself, I didn't want Kelly to see me so out of control. After a few minutes, I asked to be helped up, once again, to caress my son one last time. I tried to kiss him goodbye once more, I wasn't able to, I kissed my hand & placed it where his hands were crossed under the sheet. "Goodbye, my beautiful baby boy. I love you, I'm sorry, goodbye." That's all I could do, I will never forgive, myself, for not being able to kiss him on the lips.

February 3,2000