There are couples who seem to beat the odds and stay together no matter what.  Maybe we can find out their secrets if we take a closer look.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver

He is the poor boy from Austria.  She is a princess in America’s only royal family.  Who would ever have thought these two would make a match?  Not even Cupid.  But it works.  It isn’t hard to figure out why.

Arnold was Mr. Universe for 7 years straight.  He’s a cocky, self assured SOB.  He came to the U.S. and said, "Whadda country."  He became a citizen and a devout Republican.  Conan was out to conquer America.  It wasn’t hard.  Then he looked around for a bride good enough for his perfect semen, there was only one family that would do.

Maria is an on air network reporter.  She’s got this big ole hair thing going on.  She’s got crystal blue eyes and cheek bones.  But her most important asset is her pedigree:  KENNEDY!  She has managed to stay off the scandal sheets unlike some of her relatives.  She had to marry a strong, confident male who could rise above the family shadows.  Hmmmm.  How about Mr. Universe?

These two got married in their late 30s and have been making up for it by popping out babies in record time.  The Pope must be delighted.  Hollywood will have enough little Terminators running around for generations.  Well, I can’t say I blame Maria.  Just look at what she sees in the buff every night.  SIGH.
 

Bob and Elizabeth Dole

Viagra.
 

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman

She’s a tall drink of water!  He’s a short stack of beef cake.  If there is a more glamorous match that works, I don’t know about it.  Oh to be a fly in this bedroom!

Nicole is statuesque at 6 feet tall.  Her physical beauty is only matched by her acting ability.  In FAR AND AWAY she got to look at Tom’s tinker in the famous bowl scene.  That is one of the best scenes ever.  <pausing to think about it some more.> SIGH.  She and Tom have adopted babies.  That mean no stretch marks for this fearless female.  Face it, the bitch ain’t got no flaws!

Tommy gets teased about being gay and not being able to knock up Nic.  I just can’t understand this.  Any guy who can marry a woman who is several inches taller than him is a man in my book.  He’s into the weird Scientology stuff.  Well to each their own tax shelter.  So he can’t father children.  Having a negative sperm count doesn’t mean you can’t be good at the horizontal bop.

These two must go to bed thanking God every night.  I get hot just thinking about it.  Oops.  Too much information.  This is a solid relationship that  continues to endure. Everyone in the universe loves this couple.  If they ever do divorce,  I vote to execute Nicole and sentence Tom to life imprisonment with me.

Paul and Linda McCartney

Everyone said this was a marriage that wouldn’t last.  It did.  Only in her death, did they part.  Paul’s public statement at her death was simply that he was honored to be her lover for 25 years.  The world has just seen the end of a true love.

Remember when Paul was arrested in Japan for possession of Marijuana?  Rumor had it that the dope really belonged to Linda, but he claimed it to prevent her from being jailed.  When Linda had an unsuccessful art show displaying her photographs, Paul bought many of the pictures anonymously.  During the formation of the group Wings, Paul put nonmusical Linda up on stage and showed her three chords to play on the electric piano.  He just wanted her with him always.

Once Linda was asked what she would do if Paul left her for another woman.  She replied that she would simply say, "I’ll see you when you come back."  She was sure he would never leave her.  He never did.

One can only hope that someday a book will be written about this relationship and the magic it must have taken to form such a loving and enduring bond.

YOU CAN READ THIS ARTICLE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE OF BYTCH BYTES.