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Necessary pain

When I am here and all alone,
I do these things I know are wrong.
I put it in till I can take no more,
then it wall comes out-
the "pain" I've stored.
It's everyday and sometimes more.
I don't wanna stop,
but I don't fully understand what I do this for.
It's psychological that I know,
this thing and I,
together will grow.
Until it takes over,
and I fit the mold.