Things You'll never Hear in a Theatre...
By the Stage Manager
-it looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehersal
-take your time getting back from break
-we've been ready for hours
-no, i called that perfectly the first time-let's move on
-the headsets are working perfectly
-the whole company is standing by whenever you need them
-no thanks, I don't drink

By the Director
-wow, the designers were right on, weren't they?
-no, today is the tech rehersal, we'll re-work that scene later
-I think the scene changes are too fast
- of course I think we'll be ready in time for opening
-the crew? Why they're just wonderful!
-no thanks, I don't drink

By the Designers
-of course my drawings were all turned in on time
-yes, it absolutely is my fault that the set looks awful
-you know, you may have a point there
-the director knows best; obviously I wasn't giving him what he wanted
-the shop will have the costumes ready on time
-no thanks, I don't drink

By the Technical Director
-this is them most complete and informative set of drawings I've ever seen
-no problem, I'll deal with that right away
-I love designers
-it's a marvelous show
-I don't think I need this many on crew
-no thanks, I don't drink

By the Actor
-don't... let's not talk about me
-I really think my big scene should be cut
-this costume is SOO comfortable
-no problem, I can do that myself
-let me stand down here with my back to the audience
-without the crew, the show would never run- let's thank them
-no thanks, I don't drink

By the Stage Crew
-there's room for that over here
-we'll get in early tomorrow to do it
-no, no. I'm sure that is our job
-anything I can do to help
-can we do that scene change again please?
-I don't need this many on crew
-no thanks, I don't drink

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The goddess was here: January 22, 2000
"things..." was borrowed from the "Poo Wa Bah" Hofstra University Drama and Dance Alumni Newsletter, December 1998 Vol. VII, No. 1
The article was submitted by John Flynn, class of '95