PRODUCER
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a steaming locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to GOD

DIRECTOR
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with GOD

Playwright
Leaps short buildings with a running start
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with GOD if a special request is approved

DESIGNER
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by GOD

ACTOR
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap
Is run over by a locomotive
Can handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals

TECHNICIAN
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives 2 out of 3 times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls

CHORUS
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says, "look at the choo-choo" Wets themselves with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to themselves

STAGE MANAGER
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the track
Catches speeding bullets in their teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
IS GOD


Respectfully "borrowed" from Ryan Ruff
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