Typical Workday Conversations.
Me: Good morning, Top Secret Gov't Agency
Woman: Oh. Hi. I was wondering if Bob Stankho was in today. I've left a couple messages and he hasn't responded. It's very important that I reach him because I have a brain tumor that needs to removed in the next 24 hours and my life depends on his response. *
Me, looking at my handy phone display: Yes ma'am, Mr. Stankho in today. In fact, he's off the phone right now, if you want me to transfer you.
Woman, gushing gratitude: Thank you very, very much.I tranfer the call and Bob, who heard me talking to the poor woman through the cubicle wall, immediately pushes his Do Not Disturb button. The call, despite my assurances, goes immediately to voicemail.
Me: Bob, that was so uncool. I promised that poor woman that you were there. I know you heard me.
Bob: Well, she can talk to my voicemail.Another conversation
Obviously Irate Man: I've been transferred all over the place this morning and I'm just looking for some god damn answers.
Me: Okay...
OIM: You guys refused to cover my emergency room visit on December 12th. I had chest pains and I thought that I was having a heart attack! I got pre-approval from you to go to the emergency room and now you're not going to cover it!?! I want an explanation!
Me: Okay, sir, I can pretty much guarantee that we are not going to pay your emergency room bill. Do you know what number you called?
OIM: EvilHealthCareProvider, right?
Me: No, sir, you called Top Secret Gov't Agency. You need to get the phone number for your Health Care provider, sir.
OIM: Do you have that number?
Me: No. I would suggest that you call information and ask for your Health Care Provider by name instead of asking for "heath insurance".
OIM: How do you know I did that?
Me: Because it's the only way you can get this office by accident.I get a lot of stupid calls. Half the time, I just forward it to one of the other people and let them deal with the stupidity. Be specific when you're asking for a number, people. If you get me, you're gonna get an attitude.
Remind me to kill Dirk the next time he insists we accept his parents' generosity when my parents are offering the exact same thing. Case in point: the poor, broken Christmas tree his mother foisted off on us. I knew this tree was not in the best of shape, but some key damage was left out of Dirk's enthusiastic portrayal of his childhood tree.
The original stand was broken many moons ago. They are using a stand originally meant for a live christmas tree, unhandily jury-rigged for use with the appalling fake one. It took us an hour, no shit, to get it firmly planted enough that it didn't fall over. There is also no top to this tree. It has a thin metal tub sticking up about six inches higher than the highest branches. Dirk informed me that the tree didn't need a top branchy part because it's traditionally covered by the star. Well, his mother didn't include the goddamn star, she saved it for her own tree. She did include, however, a floppy santa hat with a battery-powered light-up ball at the end. We put that on top of the tree.
I don't want to complain about the ornaments, but that misguided woman has been saving them since the 50's. I'm not kidding. They were very bad, and the majority of them are glass and lacking the metal loop thing you hang them up with. I'm thinking of going to the vending machine at Sheetz and getting a bunch of multi-colored condoms to hang from the tree. It'll be punk, damn it.
At least I have a tree.
I spent a lot of the week-end finishing a book I filched from my parents house, Angel Fire East by Terry Brooks. I'm not a huge fan of his, but I was pleasantly surprised by this book, which didn't mention elves or that odd little kingdom. I have plans to steal the term "gypsy morph" and make it my own. He's a very good writer, I just haven't previously been enthralled by the subject matter.
Dalin had her baby on Sunday. As we both predicted, it was a boy. We both had dreams during the summer that she had a baby boy, and we talked about names. I didn't actually think we were right.
I found out through Dalin's ex, Rose, who was online using Dalin's screen name. In case I forgot to mention it, she's a bitch. I found out nearly nothing besides the fact that a boy was born and there were no complications. Dammit all to fuck. She couldn't/wouldn't even give me the name of the hospital where Dalin was staying.
I always feel like I'm something of a failure as a friend when I think about everything Dalin's gone through in the past year. Granted, we drove up to NY to visit her, and I sent her a Christmas present, but there's the guilt-driven suspicion that I could have, and should have, done more. I just don't know what to do besides offer emotional support. Her husband sucks and it was a damn dumb idea to get pregnant at this time in her life. But it's not as though I'm going to rub that in her face.
I'm going to call her house tomorrow to see if she's home.
* Slight exaggeration.