8-3-99
Alright now comes Part 22. I am using my brand new Sailor V
pen. I really like Sailor Moon. That section of my site is on hold
however considering I have neglected everything else. Now if I could
get Yahoo to register my site everything would be cool. I've only had
500 some odd hits. My foot itches. I really like Sailor V. She reminds
me a lot of myself. She is the other leader of the inner senshi. At
least this pen writes better than Elliott's feather pen. It only writes on my hand.
Strange, n'est-ce pas? Oh well that's just life I guess. Today I went
horseback riding on the beach. That is the most fun thing to do ever !! (=
I can't wait to do it again. I haven't been riding for a really long time.
I miss it since it's the one of the few athletic activities I'm good at.
I only did it for 41/2 years. That's some good
solid time. By the time I was forced to quit I was on the best lesson horse
who was quite a handful. Didn't like her at all. Party was a naughty horse.
I like my wall of stuff. I ahve some cool stuff up. I have a
friendship plaque Steffi gave me, a picture of me in anime drawn by
Lucretia, pictures of "my man" Justin, a couple of pics of Drew and Jeff
from 98 degrees courtesy Ada, and a picture of Ada's "man" Lance, not
to mention a ditty of my name and a couple of bumber stickers. My wall
o stuff isn't full yet, but maybe someday it will. That would be good.
It's fun decorating my room. Gives it the lived in look considering I'm
only here at night. My room needs to be picked up. I have stuff just lying
around. It annoys me, but I'm lazy and I never do anything about it.
I am really getting into my Blessid Union of Souls CD. There are some really
cool songs on here. Glad that I made the right desicsion. My alarm is
set for 8:30. I'm going to help paint the youth room tomorrow. I can't wait
to see everybody. I truly missed my youth group. Right now I'm wondering
if I should continue writing onto the next page. This essay is more like a joutnal than anything,
but then again it's not since I haven't written anything that I wouldn't
feel comfortable telling anybody. I sure talk a lot. Good thing I like to write.
This way I can get some of it out. At night I sleep with a cute bunny
I got for Easter the first year I was Christain. His full name is Jason
Moser Berends. I named him Jason after this really cute guy I had a
crush on and went to church with. Moser comes from Moses, I guess that
stems from my bible reading and newfound Christianity. Berends is my last name.
So there. Jason is a very cool bunny. During the day this bonde haired
cutie sits on my bed leaned up against some comfy pillows. He's fun to
hug when I'm sad and have no one to cry with. Not that I enjoy crying with people.
Deep inside my head crying in front of people is considered a weakness.
In reality all it is is showing vulnerability, revealing the soft side.
Crying in front of people is an open admission of hurt. That is something
I don't like doing. Leaning on people takes trust. My fear of falling is great.
I don't like having the people I lean on let me fall. It's not very
pleasant. Another thing that stinks is baring your soul to someone
and have them turn around, walk away, and never talks to you again.
That is the most complete feeling of loss and helplessness I have ever felt.
Then again talking is my favorite form of communicating. So once
that has been broken almost all is lost. Know what's odd? Everytime
I've had a guy, when the "love" relationship is over the guy acts extremely strange.
I affect them to the point that they get weirded out and never are the same person
again to me. It's odd since I am always willing to talk and compromise
and discuss stuff. I am a very forgiving soul, since I have been
forgiven of my wrongdoings. Time for bed.
End Part 22.
Back