Here I am again!
So far, we've failed miserably.
I haven't had trouble, nor do I expect to. Things are just sailing along too damned well to have trouble show up. But I guess that's when trouble does usually shows up, isn't it?
There are enough problems in life without asking for more. Let sleeping dogs lie. One day at a time. How trite can I get? How about, what goes around comes around?
Enough of that. What I'm trying to say is, I don't spend a waking minute not knowing that I might be dead in six weeks. That was really hard to live with initially, but now it's just a part of life. I am NOT going to let that get me down. I realized a long time ago, before this even came up, that I would die some day, and I had no idea when it would be. I didn't like knowing that, and I was able to repress it, like everyone else does. I still don't like knowing that. But it is reality, and ignoring it through religion or any other means is really stupid.
It does not enhance my daily life to dwell on it. And I intend to continue enjoying my life and my friends as long as I can. I will not tolerate anything inside my own head to contravene my intentions. I can, and will, be happy on a day-to-day basis. The hard part to understand is that that is all any of us are able to do! Yeah, we can fool ourselves, planning for the future. That isn't all that dumb. After all, we might live to see tomorrow. But some people (like the old me) that constantly work and work and work to make a future and just totally disregard the beauty of the day that you're living... they're missing something BIG!
Rest assured, I'm not ever going to miss today again. Tomorrow will take care of itsself if it can. I have had occasion to talk to my daughter at length about this, and I think that I've begin to change her attitude a little bit too. It's a start, anyway.
She went with me to see the docs. I do believe that she's now more worried than I am, especially since we've grown closer over the last couple of months. She's been spending more time with me and my friends, and I'm getting to know my grandkids better. They're not too bad, now that I understand that I can talk to them and reason with them and even discipline them. Before, I was too wrapped up in myself, I didn't really want to be bothered with them. I'm really glad that's changed. I have a lot to teach them, and even more to learn from them.
Yes, much of this change in me can be traced to my relationship with Erin and Murleen. Erin the perpetual child, Murleen the wisedom of femininity and mankind. Women that I love without reservation. Friends, lovers, family. Who could want for anything more? Everlasting life? That doesn't work. We have today. Just today, that is all.
Contents
The acquisition and distribution of wisdom is the most noble goal of mankind.
It's been ***** days since I wrote here. That's too long, but I've been having fun. There has been nothing unusual to write about, so I haven't written. Went to see the docs yesterday, I passed muster OK, they don't want to see me now for three months. Unless I have trouble.
Index
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#18