a confession of loneliness

           As you can probably already guess this is a confession about loneliness. What you do not know is that this is simply a statement of some feelings that have been slipping their way into me and taking over my thoughts. They continually fill me with such loneliness.
           What has been going through my head is not loneliness. It is an emotional want to have a female who would be my only friend and would love me and be with me forever. In other words I've been longing for a wife.
           It's not like the usual want-to-be-accepted loneliness that I had been known for feeling in the past. This is much deeper than that. It is a want to be loved by another person. It is... like I feel empty. And I feel that a wife is the only thing that would fill the emptiness.
           And I know what you're probably thinking. I tell it to other people all the time and I've been told it several times. "all in God's timing." And I know that. It's just... I don't know how to explain it. It's like I know God's will is best but I can't seem to live without her.
           And I know I should be shoving these emotions to the side and focusing on God. After all He is my salvation and my strength. He is my life. Yet, sometimes there are things that trigger these feelings and emotions and I seem powerless to stop them. I'll watch a movie with a couple having a happy ending or I'll look and see a couple happy together and then this need to feel that intamacy arises and takes me over.
           Usually I'm pretty good with just waiting through these feelings and letting them pass. Or just plain supressing them and pretending that they never existed. When in reality I know they did. But, today I felt that God wanted me to express these emotions to you. I don't know why, but I just feel He wanted me to. And that is what I've done.

Written by:
me


Back