the truth of my relationship with
Jocelyn
           The truth of the matter is that I never really did know Jocelyn that well. Besides what I saw the few times that I was able to spend any time at all with her; which wasn't very much. So, I can't quite say anything about her in real conviction, knowing that it is the truth. I know that I didn't know that much about her.

           The other day me and my sister were sitting around and talking about nothing in particular. (including some stuff about women) when the subject somehow rolled around to Jocelyn. Becki said "Jocelyn was just like Sarah" (or something like that). Now there is nothing wrong with a person like Sarah. In fact, Sarah is one of the kindest individuals I know. She is just not one of the type of people that I would want to go marry, much less go out with.

           This realization kind of shook me. For I had always had Jocelyn up on a pedastal. I guess that is mainly because she liked me and well, of course, my eyes were blinded by that. I realized that I didn't really know Jocelyn as much as I had pretended to for the longest time. See, the truth of the matter is, I didn't even bother to get to know her for who she was. That was a mistake of immaturity and out of stupidity. I now realize how stupid and immature I was while I was going out with Jocelyn.

           Another reason I had Jocelyn up on such a high pedastal was because we were "boyfriend-girlfriend". I asked her out and she said yes. Of course, I'm sure I was just another guy to Jocelyn, but she was the first girlfriend I ever had. She was more of a fantasy to me than a real person.

           What I've been chasing all these years is not a woman. Not Jocelyn. It was a dream relationship that I had dreamt that we had had. In my mind I dreamed all kinds of things I wanted us to do, all the while I did nothing. Not even get to know her. I was stupid. And all this time I have been thinking that it was Jocelyn; when in reality it wasn't. It was a dream.

           But a good thing has come out of this experience. A lesson that I have learned and taken to heart. And that is to treat women like you really care about them and getting to know them. And I will always strive for that when in a relationship. To know the other person and allow them to know me.


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