I went through my mid-life crisis a couple years ago. If you're into math, that means I'll live to be just about 44 years old. That could be cool. That could suck. I don't know. Maybe it wasn't my mid-life crisis. It was something ugly, though. And now I have that look.

Oh, you know what I'm talking about. It's the sunken eyed, no makeup, braless, I-don't-care-if-I'm-in-sweats-I'm-going-to-WalMart look. Remember when you went to Denny's -- or Lyon's, or IHOP, or wherever it was you went -- with all those kids from high school or college (depending on how long you clung to your youth)? You didn't have the look yet. You get it AFTER you stop eating french fries and drinking coffee til 4am every night.

And I don't want to hear a bunch of whiny 14-20 year-olds telling me to shove my opinions up my butt. You do not have the look yet, so get over yourselves. I hate to be the one to pull rank, but you're still kids. Enjoy it, goddammit. Growing up is like losing your virginity: Everybody's in a big fat hurry to get on with it, and they're always bummed out when it's over.

I'm such a grouchy old bitch.

You know what really makes me grouchy, though? As much as I despised the shortlived period of "Gen-X" advertising, I really miss being a part of Joe Huge Corporation's target market. It's like, suddenly I'm too old for MTV, and too young for VH1. That doesn't leave me with a hell of a lot of buying power. Shit, I don't really have a voice anymore. I'm just one of those used-to-be's. Used to be a target. Used to wear our clothes. Used to buy our records. Used to be worth giving a shit about.

Maybe I'm sublimating, or misdirecting my anger, or something. Maybe I'm just bummed out because I'm turning 25 and don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore. I mean, I've managed to figure out what I don't like, and what I don't want to be. It's just, I'm not sure I like the person I became in the process of figuring out all that stuff.

And it kind of feels unchangeable.

And that's kind of scary.

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