1 June, 1997

I don't write faerie tales.

What is it with group dynamics and capriciousness? Hypothetical for instance: I was over at my best girlfriend's house. She, a couple of our mutual friends, and I were trying to plan a girls' day out. Now, you need to know that my best girlfriend, Lisa, is typically rather...fixed in her opinions. So, we're all talking, throwing the ideas out there, getting in our respective yeas and nays. We'd pretty well settled on going to Local Nameless Themepark when Eileen (the obligatory perpetually tardy friend) showed. Eileen listened to our penciled-in plans, digested, and then composed an articulate argument against (alliteration) it. And that's fine. She made some good points. My problem is that suddenly everyone (except me) was set on not going to Nameless Themepark. Even Lisa, who thought of it in the first place, and fought the hardest to persuade us. No, it was worse than that. It were as though the mere thought of going to Nameless Themepark was simply unspeakable. Lisa practically damned anyone that wanted to go.

One extreme to the other. And I'm the one that's mercurial?

Screw ‘em. I'm going to Nameless Themepark whether they like it or not (assuming, of course, that they ever make up their minds). Mmm, hypothetically speaking, and all that.

I'm so sick of waiting round for other people to dislodge their thumbs from their bums and figure out exactly what it is they want and feel. Seems no-one knows if they're coming, going, been, or still in orbit. The only difference between me and them? I admit it when I'm lost.

Two weeks ago, I began co-hosting a moderated chat for survivors of childhood abuse. Cara, the lady that started the thing, has one phone line (I know, in this day and age...), and needed some help keeping the chat open full-time. So, me and my spare line volunteered. It's a good place, and I feel important as Assistant Host. Not at all touchy-feely group-huggy-wuggy as I'd thought it might be. Not at all. More like a bitch session coming down off a 2-week meth bender. And that can be overwhelming, but I don't host everyday. It's gratifying, though, to be able to say whatever I like and know that a majority of those present understand. I feel accepted, normal.

And I don't have to objectify shit to achieve it.