Alternate X-Men #41
Michael Triggs at TRIGGS_MICH@bentley.edu
-------------------

Title: Icing on the cake...

Scene: Providence, RI... A minor stadium...

The shouting of fans... High decibels... It's very loud, too...

Two teams, one dressed in black, and the other in read... A scoreboard 
attached to a wall... Providence 8, Birmingham 1...

Now, the question: What the <bleep> are Bobby Drake and Bishop doing here, 
                   and what does this have to do with the last issue?

Bishop and Drake are seated in the second to first row. They are both dressed
in personal attire... Drake holds a large container of extra buttery popcorn
in one hand, and a large gulpie of soda in the other. Bishop, holds a hot dog,
which he examines closely. A brawl breaks out, as one of the Birmingham 
players checks a Providence player a little to hard. Drake, enthusiatically
leaps to his feet, applauding happily...

Bishop [with a grim look on his face, muttering] : I still don't understand
the point behind this sport. Is there some objective in this sport?

Drake [sitting down, once the commotion is over] : Yeah, probably... Some
complex system of scoring which even an accountant like me couldn't figure 
out... I come here to watch the fights myself...

Bishop [befuddled expression on his face]: Is there any particular reason
why Professor sent us here?

Drake [tosses up a piece of popcorn, catching it in his mouth]: Something
about a new mutant being detected... He wanted us to check it out... 

Bishop : Ah, I see. I'll scan the general proximity, and you...

[Bobby cuts him off.]

Drake : Relax, Bish... Prof just wanted to get you out of the mansion for a
        while... He probably made it up.. Shut up and enjoy yourself..

Bishop [holding the hot dog at a bizarre angle] : He seemed pretty serious.
We should be doing our duty..

Drake [sighing] Okay, duty, duty... [watching game]... Do you see any 
mutants that would be new? There's Blob over there, but he's an old mutant..

Bishop : Well, no, I don't see any, but...

Drake : [cutting him off] Okay, then our job is done... <big grin on his face>

On the court, a new skater enters into the Providence lineup... He is
a domineering fellow... The full-coverage hockey mask, shaded to make
his face hidden from view, and the padded hockey uniform make him all 
the more intimidating...

Drake: Aw, cool... I've heard of this guy... John Kant... He's supposed to
be pretty good... He has a shot at the major leagues...

Bishop: Does he score a lot?

Drake: No idea... He is a rough SOB, though... He scares the bajeebas out of
the other team... <delicately places another piece of popcorn in his mouth>

Kant, as he is called, is vicious. With lightning speed, he demolishes two
Birmingham players, knocking them off the court... A whistle blows... 
The referee skates over to Kant, and directs him over to the penalty box 
with his finger, which is shaking nervously. Without even a glance back,
Jack socks the referee harshly.

Drake [shooting up] YES!!! He's great, isn't he?


<Elsewhere in the complex>

An odd threesome... Standing near the refreshments stand... A lengthy man
stands there, holding a newspaper... Behind him stands a stock man, wearing
a heavy trenchcoat, standing very still... And finally, a short dude, dressed
as BARNEY, leaping around happily, entertaining the kiddees, who are waiting
in line for refreshments...

BARNEY?: Okay, kids! Do you want to have happy-slappy time!???

<Kids respond enthusiastically>

The tall man grabs BARNEY by the scruff of the neck...

Tall man: Oliver, will you please cut that out?!?!?! <whispering>

Oliver?: Sorry boss, just buying into my disguise... This is so much fun!

Tall man: Why not a trench coat? Why do you have to be so inanely ridiculous?

Oliver: Aw, I hate trenchcoats! They are so cliche... I wanted to be original.
(whines out the last word)

Tall man <sighing>: Have you detected what we are looking for yet? We need
to regain the Double Trouble template. The modifications simply won't work
on clones!

Oliver: Well, the scan for Kent seems to be pointing towards the arena...

Tall man <cynically>: Great... Just Great... How the hell are we going to
be able to find one person in a crowd in the thousands?

Oliver: Well, as soon as we get close enough, I should be able to pinpoint..

Tall man : Good... Do it... We wait until halftime... We'll look the least
           conspicuous on the ice at that time... And if we run into any
           problems, there's always our insurance ticket... Isn't that right?
           <faces the large being> Oh, that's right... You can't talk..

Oliver : Hey! I can make him talk... I installed a nifty speaker into him, 
         which I can activate from my handy-dandy remote control...

<However, the rest of Oliver's mindless babbling isn't important...>

Scene: It's half-time... Drake, has all but finished his popcorn, and begins
       to gulp down his soda... Bishop still grips into his hot dog, with
       seemingly no intention of eating it... The lights dim... The ice
       cleaners have just finished going over the playing field... Suddenly,
       on the PA Speaker, a voice blares loudly:

"AND NOW, FOR OUR HALF-TIME PRESENTATION!!! MAGICO, THE FLAME-THROWER!!!"

Magico is a young man, with bluish hair, dressed in a Magenta cape... He has
an eerie-look in his eyes. A spotlight shines on him. The spotlight goes out,
as a stream of fire shoots out of his hands.

Drake <slurping away> : Oh please, what is this cheezy crap?.. Where are the
cheerleaders???

Bishop [leaping up] : This "cheezy entertainment" is apparently our new 
mutant. Let's go get a better look....

Drake: Oh, it's all illusions... They do this all the time...

Bishop [grabbing Drake by the arm] There's only one way to know for sure...
Move it!

<Down on the ice>

The sound of a radio: <Wow. That guy is cool.>

A live voice: Yes, Oliver. He certainly is, but we can't let ourselves
get distracted. If you-know-who wants us to pick up this guy, he would 
have told us to.

The sound of a radio: Oh boy! controlling pyrotechnics by remote control is
so much fun! You wouldn't believe what I could do with the last one... Oh, 
hey kiddees!!

A live voice: Oliver?? Hello??

The sound of a radio: <whispering> Some kiddees walked by... I had to keep
in character with my groovy disguise... HEY!!! I mean, hey!! Come on kiddees!
Give your pal BARN-BARN back the control!! No!! Don't hit that lever!!!

A live voice: Oliver???

<The sound of a fist smashing into the ground>

-----
Back in the seating... Drake and Bishop are almost down to the level of ice..
The sound of a violent impact shakes everything, followed by the sound of 
Magico screaming... The lights suddenly flick on, and there on the ice is
the form of Sunder, long since dead, out of control...
-----

The tall slender man, grabs the radio with both hands, pressing down on
the transmit...

Man: Oliver??? What the <Bleep> is going on down there???

Oliver [via radio]: They broke the remote!!! You're on your own! That Morlock
we picked up is out of control!!!

Man <slapping himself on the forehead> : Great... Everything is falling apart.
Ah... I know... We can use ole Sunder here as a diversion, while we hunt
down Kent... 

Oliver [via radio]: Yes, I finally managed to pinpoint her! [happily] She's...
Um... <click>

Man: Oliver?

The radio clicks back on.

Voices coming from behind Oliver, through the radio: So, you're this BARNEY
person we've been hearing so much about? We don't like BARNEY, do we boys?

Oliver [whose voice screams out of the radio]: HEYYYEEEELLPPP!!!! OUCH! OOH!

The tall slender man, throws down the radio, and runs for cover...

------------------------
Back to Drake and Bishop
------------------------

Drake <icing up> : Oh man, looks like we're not the only ones after Magico...

Bishop, leaping into the rink: Less talk more actio.... <falling flat on his
face> ...n

Drake easily leaps into the rink, his ice body being perfectly in tune with
the ice... 

Drake: Oh man... This doesn't look good...

Next Issue: Bishop&Iceman Vs. Sunder Vs. BARNEY and Friends 

Who is this new mutant?

Is this the last time we see Oliver dressed up as BARNEY??

Is this the last time we saw Oliver period?

Will Bishop ever finish eating his hot dog?

These questions and MORE, to be answered in X-Men #42...
