Alternate X-Men #42:
Michael Triggs at TRIGGS_MICH@bentley.edu

Cover: "Iceman and Bishop beating BARNEY to a bloody pulp."
Cover Blurb: "This doesn't happen in the comic book, but it's guaranteed to
increase sales."

Title: "The Cold War"

A Replay Of Last Issue: Iceman and Bishop are at a hockey rink looking for a
mutant detected by Cerebero. Upon finding a pyrotechnic sideshow act by the
name of [gag] Magico, all hell breaks lose, as the Morlock Sunder [who
supposedly is dead], goes on a mindless Rampage, tearing up the hockey rink.
Those who reincarnated Sunder apparently are searching for a "template" by the
name of Kent, who they have tracked to this hockey rink. Sunder was being
controlled by them by remote control, until the control broke. Now, he's out of
control. Iceman and Bishop are attempting to contain this behemoth, while those
who are looking for Kent are using Sunder's unexpected rampage as a diversion
to locate Kent.

Opening Scene
-------------

Chaos. That's the word to describe it. Picture: A sports arena. With people
screaming. People running for the exit. People, throwing up their large buckets
of popcorn in fear. Now picture this:


He rides a slick stream of ice above the large monster's head.
Iceman, as he is formally called when doing "superhero" stuff, is really
pissed. 

Iceman : "All I wanted to do was to watch a stinkin hockey game. Why do things 
like this always happen to me?? Do the reanimated corpses of long-dead Morlocks
attack Captain America or Iron Man when -they're- trying to watch a hockey
game??? NNOOOOoooo... Only luckless mutant accountants like me get stuck with
that task.... Sheesh... At least he dropped that poor Magico dude..." 

Sunder, as he was formerly called, is on a complete rampage. With one sway of
his mighty hand, he smashes Iceman's ramp into little itsy-bitsy pieces.
Iceman, manages to catch himself on a pillar of ice.

Iceman: <To Bishop> Will you stop playing on the ice, and get over here??

Bishop slides around erratically on the ice... 

Bishop [frustrated] : I'm trying! I'm not used to fighting in this odd
environment.

Iceman <Narrowly escaping Sunder's big boot> : Ugg.. You never learned how to
skate??

Bishop [matter-of-factly] : Well, Jubille wanted to teach me, but her means of
movement with her wheeled shoes didn't really seem to serve any purpose, nor
give me any tactical advantage on m...

Iceman <trying to hold Sunder back with a wall of ice> : Will you shut up and
help? Get off the ice, and fire at him from there, for crying outloud!!!

<Sunder punches through Iceman's ice... For each layer of ice created Sunder
punches through two layers...>

Bishop <getting off the ice> : Okay! Cease and Desist villain!!

Iceman : Sheesh, that is corny. Are you going to like shoot???

Bishop : Hey, Jubilee told me that such words strike fear into the hearts of
the enemy of this timeline. She pointed to these paper rags, and it did seem to
be an effective means of scaring villains...

Iceman : Shut up and fire!

Bishop : Reaching into his hot dog, which he clutches, and pulling out a gun..

Iceman : <mutters> That's certainly an original place to hide your weapon...
        NOW BLOODY SHOOT!!!

Bishop begins firing his minor pistol at Sunder, who roars in anger, seems
unphased by this barrage of fire. He bolts over to the side of the rink Bishop
is perched on, smashing a wall to dust, causing Bishop to fall backwards into
the seating arrangement... Sunder pulls his hand up, prepared to strike the
dazed Bishop, and...

Let's cut away for a moment:

The tall, slender man of last issue runs through the crowds, with fairly decent
agility. He shoves people out of his way...

Man [thinking]: Great... With Oliver out of commission from that attack by the
ANTI-BARNEY COMMISSION OF AMERICA, I'm going to have to somehow find Kent
without the aid of any electronic equipment... OH, well, it's just a matter of
finding a tall lengthy blonde with long hair... How many of those could there
be at a hockey game, of all places???

The tall, slender man glances at a crowd of people, running for the door.
He sees the back of several blonde women, with long hair... 

Man <slapping himself on the forehead> : Somebody kill me, please...

Back to the action:

Sunder stands poised to strike Bishop down... 

Iceman <running towards the tail-end of Sunder> : Don't worry Bish, I'm
coming-oof!!!

With one knock of his hand, Iceman is sent flying across the ice...

Iceman <dazed> : Oh... That was some crosscheck...

(The Blob, out of costume, is seated in the front row, with a large vat of 
popcorn.)

Blob <laughing nasally> : Haw Haw... I came here to see a game, and now I get
to watch the X-Men get their buttses kicked... <sits back and relaxes, with his
arms folded behind his head> <munches on his popcorn happily>

Suddenly, the sound of wood hitting plastic echoes across the now empty arena.
A projectile blurs at high speeds, nailing Sunder in the back of the head.
This projectile... is ... a HOCKEY PUCK??? Standing on the far end of the ice
is the vague form of Kant, the hockey player from last issue... He stands
dressed in full hockey uniform, with a full hocket helmet blocking view of his
face. Holding one hockey stick in each hand, he races towards the large Sunder,
with incredible speed... Sunder, whose pride was hurt more by the runaway
puck than his body was, charges towards the hockey players... As contact
between the two is about to be made, Kant leaps up, nailing the back end of
Sunder with his hockey stick, this, combined with Sunder's momentum, sends him
flying into a rink wall....

Iceman <facing Kant> : Are you nuts??? Get out of here before you hurt
yourself?

Sunder comes storming back towards Kant, who leaps out of the way, running for
cover. Sunder suddenly is nailed harshly by the gunfire of Bishop...

Bishop : That distraction gave me the time I needed to get my submachine gun
out of my submarine sandwich. This should proceed smoothly from this point on.

Sunder starts running towards Bishop, only to be nailed by a stream of fire...

Bishop : Drake, how did you do that???

Drake : Um, I wish I could take credit for that. That was him.

Drake points to the pyrokinetic sideshow act <cheezily> called Magico. He
stands there, with his hand stretched out, his blue hair waving all around.

Magico: That was fun... Boy, I'm glad I saved these pyrokinetic discharge units
from my days back in the military... 

Drake : You mean you're not a mutant?

Magico: Me? Nope... The blue hair is just coloring... I'm just your
run-of-the-mill street magician who got his hands on some of SHIELD's high tech
stuff...

Sunder comes to as they are talking, and rushes towards Magico...

Drake: Hey! Watch out!

Iceman pushes Magico out of the way with a band of ice, leaving himself in
Sunder's path...

Drake: Oh man, this is gonna hurt... <closes his eyes>

In a last second act of desperation, Drake creates an ice ramp around himself.
Sunder, now moving at high speeds, shoots up the ramp, landing somewhere in the
front row [incidentally where Blob was sitting]... Blob looks pissed...

Blob : Hey!!! You knocked over my popcorn!!!

Blob nails Sunder with the mother of all punches, tossing him back out onto the
ice, with one big thud. Blob walks out angrily, covered in hot popcorn
grease...

Bishop <to Iceman>: I think it would be advisable to bring Sunder back to the 
Institute for genetic testing. Perhaps we can discover how he got...

Bishop is cut off by a voice, coming from the rafters... The voice of the tall
slender man... He is out his cloak, and is wearing some sort of light
mechanical armour...

Armoured Man: I'm sorry, but Sunder is our property... As all you freaks will
be inevitably... So says Tigerstrike!

Tigerstrike, as he has called himself, bounds out of the rafters, flying [yes,
flying] at incredible speeds towards Bishop, who narrowly moves out of his way.

Drake: Ha! You missed!

Tigerstike: My intention wasn't to hit your ally. my friend. One doesn't start
fights that one can't win. I just wanted to get close enough to my property to
do this... <Tigerstrike tags the unconscious form of Sunder with something, and
they both begin to fade out.> Ah, the wonders of government technology.
Something out of Star Trek, made into reality. You have not seen the last us.
The Friends Of Humanity will own all of you, body and soul... <Tigerstrike and
Sunder both fade away.>

This concludes our tale. However, there is one question which hasn't been
touched yet. Who is this Kent person that TigerStrike and company were
searching for to begin with?

Scene: A locker room. Spiffy McGee may have a silly name, but he has one hell
of a hockey team. His Providence team is undefeated so far this season. He
stands around the corner of the private locker of his star player, John Kant. 
He seems a little distraught. It may be because the game was cancelled due to
the halftime fiasco, but, then again, it may have been something else...

Spiffy: Are you nuts? I've done my best to keep you out of the government
limelight, but if you pull these lame-brained stunts, somebody is bound to find
out!

Voice of Kant: Okay... I'm sorree for sockin the refehree... He daservt it,
tho...

Spiffy: That's not what I meant, and you know it...

Voice of Kant: <which is rather high and whiney> : I'm sorry... I couldn't
resist... You know how long its been since I've been in a real brawl?? I'm
tired of these hockey feebs... Theya no challenge... I can wipe the floor
with 'em like nothin'... I like people who can punch back... That's where the
fun is...

Spiffy: Well, you better get used to beating up feebs, cuz if you go after a
fish that's too big, somebody is going to find out... You can't afford that
happening again...

<fade out>

 END.






 





