Alternate X-Men #46
Michael Triggs at TRIGGS_M@bentley.edu

Cover: Side-shot of Wolverine, claws extended, pushed upward. Leaping in the
air is Ruckus and Ramrod of the Nasty Boys. In the background, on the right
side, is a half profile of Mr. Sinister's Head... Whole background color is
blood red...

"The darkest day is over, and now all that's left is the..."

TITLE: Hangover

Prelude
-------

Scene: Brooklyn Bridge... At Dusk, the form of Wolverine can be seen on
motorcycle at the peak of the Bridge... He feels redeemed... Alive Again... He
has come to terms with what he has become, and now is looking forward to his
future, to what he will turn out to be... This is the story of a man who has
been given a second chance...

However, by the laws of Karma, for every up, there is a down... For every penny
earned, there is a penny lost... Let us move ahead to the next morning... Same
bridge, different vantage point... Where the previous night, there stood a
redeemed man who was dealt a second chance, standing at the foot of the bridge
now is somebody who has lost every chance he ever had... The morally depleted 
form of Alex Summers makes his way up to the peak of the bridge... Perhaps, if
he waited long enough, Fate would be kind to him, and he too would have a
second chance to make up for his mistakes... However, for what he is about to
do, Alex Summers doesn't intend to give fate that chance... He always wanted to
be in command, like his brother... Now he wants to be in command of his final
destiny... No more unexpected happenings... Even if it kills him...

<fade out>

END PRELUDE
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scene:  Westchester County. More specifically, Xavier's Institute for Higher 
Learning... The Institute has been rather empty lately, with everything 
that has been going on the last two days... Professor Xavier left yesterday
night for Manhattan, to join the others at the hospital with Lorna... Beast 
had been returning from an errand just as Charles was leaving... He seemed
rather shaken up by all of this, Beast noticed... However, Beast knows what
Xavier is going through... When left alone, many people will drown themselves
in their own thoughts... For any other person, this isn't anything out of the 
ordinary... However, when you're dealing with a telepath, drowning in your
thoughts is a lot worse...

Hank McCoy examines something through a large power microscope. 
>From the bottom end of the miscroscope, you can see his large bestial eye
perusing over his findings with interest... He had managed to discreetly 
obtain a sample of the beer bottle which had been vagrantly smashed over
Lorna Dane's head from the Feds, using some of his Brand Corporation 
Connections. 

It had started as a simple hunch. A beer bottle, regardless of the intensity
at which it was impacted upon a person, shouldn't under normal circumstances
cause somebody to go into a coma. There must have been something more. And
what had started as a simple hunch turned into a major find: There was
something on the beer bottle. The shard of glass told an entire story on its
own. Some sort of chemical lining the beer bottle... Something so complex and
intricate, that even Hank McCoy, with his genetics background, couldn't
make heads or tails of... He further examines the shard of glass from the 
beer bottle, knowing this shard may be the only key to saving Lorna's life...

<fade>

Scene: A Hotel Room... Well, what used to be a hotel room... Oy, something
really reeks in here... On the table, stands a beer bottle... From the
inside of the bottle, one can see a large eye looking into the beer
bottle, looking for some of the miraculous golden liquid inside... 
Unfortunately, the beer bottle is completely empty, much to the chagrin of
one by the name of Ramrod... Ramrod, with the slightest hint of a Hispanic
tang to his voice, is currently leading the Nasty Boys... Well, technically,
Ruckus, the tall, blonde guy in front of the television is the leader of the
Nasty Boys, or the team's liason with Mr. Sinister, at least... However, he
has been suffering from a horrid condition lately: A horrid epidemic which
has taken its toll on both mutants and humans alike - BEER DEPRIVATION:

<Sound Of A Television>

"Are you suffering from spousal abuse? Don't worry, you have nothing to 
 FEAR..."

 Ruckus <with remote in hand> : Beer? 

 <click>

 "There loveable, there huggable, there your friends!! Who am I talking
  about boys and girls?!?!? Care BEARS!!!"

  Ruckus <pressing face against TV> : Beers?

 <click>

In a fit of despression, Ruckus clicks the television off with the remote 
control. Suddenly, from behind him, there is a growling noise. The intense
lupine form of Hairbag suddenly runs over, socking Ruckus.

Hairbag: <growling> Hey, I was watching that! Will you get over it, man?
There's more to life than just beer. Act, rationally, like me... 
<growling more intensely>

(A squeaky voice can be heard from the back. "Hey! There is some beer left
 in this bottle.")

With a dash, Ruckus, Ramrod, and Hairbag, dogpile onto the beer bottle
being spoken about. Slab, a short, muscular dude in desperate need of hair
replacement, tries to protect the treasured beer bottle behind his back, but
Ruckus grabs it out of his hand.

Ruckus : <grinning, about to down the bottle>  Ha! Come to poppa, boy!

Suddenly, one of the legs of a nearby table extends, like a plant. It grabs 
the bottle away from Ruckus, and moves it towards Ramrod.

Ramrod : <in intense concentration, talking to table leg> Si, ven aca, ven  
aca...

A heavy growl comes from behind Ramrod, breaking his concentration.
The table leg sloops over, dropping the beer bottle onto the floor, the
refreshing liquid on the inside spilling all over the floor. Hairbag, drops
to his knees, and begins lapping it up.

Ramrod <to Hairbag> : No fair. That is ch-atting!

Ruckus <to Ramrod> : You mean "cheating". Where did you learn your English?
Sesame Street?

A thought suddenly flies through Ramrod's head. He forgets about the beer,
running for the remote, knocking the table on the way by... Grabbing the
remote, he flips on PBS...

<click>

"Hidey Hi! It's time for BARNEY! Let's sing and dance and be friends! 
Oh Goody!"

Ruckus <shuddering> : No! I'm sorry for knocking your Sesame Street 
addiction!! I am, really... Please, shut this crap off!

A tiny voice echoes from atop of the table, which is in a sorry state of
affairs. Thumbellina, Slab's "smaller" sister, shouts in a little uproar.

Thumbellina: Will you people cut the sh*t!?!?! You know how difficult it
is to read a map with you dips shakin' the table all over the place?!?!?

Slab looks down upon his sister, who is walking over the map, which has been
taped onto the top of the table.

Thumbellina: Okay, this is what we're supposed to do... This little -

Ramrod <pointing to his ear> : No can hear word you say...

Thumbellina grows back to her original size. Even in her larger state, she
still probably would be considered a midget...

Thumbellina <clearing her throat> : As I was saying, this is what we're
supposed to do. All we need to do is vandalize isolated, scattered regions of
NYC, and they'll give us a nice big check. Large amounts of credit.

Hairbag <still licking the beer off the floor> : Put it in English, you twerp,
before I turn you into a pin cushion...

Suddenly, a large stomping sound can be heard. A much larger Slab stands with
his foot pressed harshly over Hairbag's neck...

Slab <Slowly, in a deep tone>: If you threaten my sistah again, I'm turnin' 
you into a rug... 

Thumbellina <resuming> So I was saying, all we have to do is break stuff, and
we get money...

Ruckus grabs the remote control of the TV out of Ramrod's hand. He quickly
clicks off "BARNEY and Friends"...

Ruckus <scratching head>: Why would we get paid money for breaking stuff? They
always want money from -us- when we do that... Why the sudden change of heart
from the Feds?

Ramrod leaps up and down, trying to grab the remote away from the much taller
Ruckus...

Ramrod <still hopping> Who cares? It's money? Dinero? No?

Ruckus <tossing the remote to Slab, who catches it> : Yeah, but I mean we have
to put our priorities in proper order. Our beer supply is low... Couldn't we
wait til tomorrow to do that "vandalism" stuff????

Thumbellina briefs over a piece of paper, as Slab tosses the remote up and
down...

Thumbellina : Uh-Uh. Says here we start today, or no deal...

Slab tosses the remote control back to Ruckus, over Ramrod's head... Ruckus
holds it high above his head, where Ramrod can't get it... 

Ruckus <suddenly enthusiastic> Ah-Ha!! I know! We can vandalize AND go on a
beer run all at once!!! Why didn't I think of it before?!?!

Wolfbag <finished lapping up the beer, leaping to his feet> : Because you lack
brain cells maybe?

Ramrod causes one of the ceiling boards in the hotel room to grow and extend,
making a fist and grabbing the remote out of Ruckus's hand... 

Ramrod <grabbing remote>: Ha! Hey!!!

Thumbellina, starting to get unnerved by all this horseplay, leaps at the 
remote control, shrinking down to molecular size... Climbing into the remote,
one can hear Thumbellina's faint voice muttering inside the remote...

Thumbellina <Faintly> : The things I have to do to get noticed...

With the speed of quicksilver, Thumbellina sabotages the inside of the remote,
making it inoperable...

Ramrod shakes the remote violently in frustration, sending Thumbellina flying
in random directions on the inside of the remote... Thumbellina grows back to
full size, apparently a little dizzy...

Thumbellina <recovering herself> : Now if you boys behave, I'll fix the remote
later... Now let's get to work...

They all parade out the door... Ruckus, Ramrod, Hairbag, Slab, and
Thumbellina... As they walk out, you can hear Ruckus and Slab yapping...

Slab : Wasn't there some reason why paleface sent us up here?

Ruckus: Uh... Oh yeah! I almost forgot... Oh well... If we get to capturing
that Red-Haired chick, fine, but I'm not making no promises... I mean, one has
to keep his priorities in order, right? Beer, Money, and THEN Kissing Up To
Sinny's wishes...

<The voices fade away, just as this scene does...>

Scene: A light city setting... A Sidewalk Cafe... Two old friends chat... This
should be a happy reunion, but as fate would have it, it's not... The man known 
only as Logan talks with a young redhead... Jean Grey sits casually with a cup
of coffee in her hand... Logan holds the cup of coffee in hand... He feels
strange drinking it... It feels too "cultured" for him... His mind is on other
forms of beverages more appealing to him...

Jean Grey: I'm sorry we couldn't meet in better circumstances... Scott and
several of the others are off in New Mexico running on errands... And everybody
else is at the hospital. However, "Welcome back".

Logan sips the coffee, trying to give the illusion of being cultured...

Logan: Have they found Alex yet? Poor sap... I know how it feels...

Jean Grey pauses, turning her head away...

Jean Grey: No, he disappeared off the face of the earth, for all sakes and
purposes...

Logan: Give him a chance to lick his wounds... He'll come around...

Jean bends her head over, sucking in another gulp of coffee...

Jean Grey: As you did? I hope you're right... You're tougher than the average
person, Logan, both in form and spirit... I worry about Alex though... Being
forced to live in the shadow of somebody else can crush a spirit just like
that... This fiasco... The incinerated guy... Lorna's injury... May have pushed
him over the edge...

Logan pats Jean on the back...

Logan: 'Lex is a tougher nut to crack than you think... He just needs time to
pull himself together...   

Aside from the normal conversation that goes on at sidewalk cafes, the sound 
of rebellion is in the air... Jean knows she was nuts to think that there was 
any place she could go to escape this sound of rebellion. On a nearby street 
corner, the sound of demonstrators can be heard... Jean Grey pauses... She 
knows there is -one- place she can go to escape all this... She can hide in the
deep recesses of her mind, never to come out... However, this is simply not an 
option... Regrettably, she has too much of a stake in the real world to ever 
do this... However, for somebody who has nothing to lose in the real world,
what a wonderful idea this would be...

Scene: A hospital room... The lifeless form of Lorna Dane lies on the hospital
bed... The best the doctors were able to do was stabilize her condition... Now
he looks to do something more... Professor Xavier reaches out his mind to the
comatose Lorna... Ororo keeps an eye on the door, watching out for doctors and
nurses... Ororo speaks to Charles, but her words go unnoticed, as he is lost in
the Psyche of the one known as Lorna Dane...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is a cold place... Her memories pass by him like some three dimensional
slide show... The old days... Her first encounter with her mutant powers... Her
brief membership in the X-Men... A blur of memories... Her time possessed by
Malice... Memories forever lost to her... And then the memories begin again...
The stripping of her powers by Zaladane, the sister she never knew she had...
Her days on Muir Island... Her manipulation by the Shadow King... Her reunion
with her greatest love Alex... And then, the replay of the brutal attack on
her, and the -- incineration of her attacker? 

"She was conscious during that?", Charles thinks... "No wonder... Her account 
of the attack is patchy at best, but if it was enough to add one plus one?" 

Her brutal ending plays over and over again to Charles... An infinite loop of
memories... And then, it suddenly fades away... Charles finds himself in a
dessert setting... A quaint cabin, in the middle of nowhere... Xavier can feel
her here... He senses that there is something about this house Lorna holds
dear... Charles walks up to the door of the house, and knocks... The door is
locked... Charles knocks harder, calling LORNA by name... The door opens, and
suddenly everything fades away...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charles awakes an indefinite time later on the floor... The faces of Ororo,
and several other doctor-types hover over him... Charles motions to speak...

Xavier: What happened?

Ororo: You collapsed, Charles... 

A doctor, dressed in a white vest speaks up:

"Yes, we ran a quick check on you. It doesn't seem to be anything serious. Do
 you have a history of passing out like this?"

Xavier: No, all this has just gotten me stressed out, I guess... I haven't
slept in two days...

The Doctor: Yes, I know the feeling... Go home and get a few day's rest, guy...
It will work wonders for you... Put some hair on your head, and color in your
cheeks... Now, if you'll excuse me... I'm late for a golfing-- er... meeting
...

The doctor walks out... About a second later, the phone rings... 

Ororo [with the slightest hint of concern on her voice] : Let me get that for
you... You've been through a lot...

Charles [heading over to the phone sluggishly] : No, I'm fine... I've been
through a lot worse than this...

Charles can practically predict who's on the other line... The only person he
has given Lorna's room phone number to was Hank, and sure enough, it is Hank
McCoy's grizzly voice he hears when he answers the phone...

Hank <by phone> : Glad I got ahold of you, Chuck... That chemical is an
absolute mystery to me... I have managed to break it down a little bit...
Judging by its components, it shouldn't be causing Lorna's Coma... It lacks
any of the standard chemicals that mess with somebody's noodle... But,
that lead's me to my next problem: If not the chemical, then what? Did the
ungrateful sap just get off a luck shot?

Charles pauses. With a depressed sign, he begins to speak:

Charles : I fear it is far worse than that. 

Hank : Whatdoyamean?

Another pause... Xavier's voice reflects the worn-down nature of Xavier
himself...

Charles : Well, let me put it this way. What do you do when you don't want to
live anymore, but can't die? 

Charles saw her, for a brief second before konking out. She is there, in that
cottage, behind the locked door... Trapped inside the recesses of her own
mind... Lorna Dane has no reason to come out... She has lost any faith in the
real world that she had...

<fade out>

Scene: A street corner... A local liquor store... Where normally beer cans
clanking can be heard, an entirely different sound fills the air tonight...
About a dozen ladies, ranging anywhere from middle-aged to downright
prehistoric, parade back and forth in front of the store...

They had been picketing this store for the last week... Supposedly, the
manager was selling alcohol to kids, which upset the local mothers... What
started as an honest protest for a good reason turned into an absolute fiasco,
when a few retired prohibitionists came out of retirement, joining the others
in protest...

 One particularly domineering woman, stands atop of a wooden crate, holding a 
beer bottle in each hand... She shakes her fist, beer bottle and all,
angrily... Placing down one of the bottles, she pulls out a megaphone, and
begins screaming and raving:

Lady: We MUST DEFEND THIS COUNTRY AGAINST THE BLASPHEMOUS EVILS OF DEMON RUM!!!

Another Woman: (Marge, don't you think you're getting a little carried away?)

Marge as she is called, shoves the other lady away, and continues ranting and
raving pointlessly...

Marge: FOR THE CHILDREN, TO DEATH WITH THIS FIREWATER!!!

Marge slams the beer bottle down angrily... Shattering it into a Million
Pieces... The noise from this shattering isn't very loud... But elsewhere,
somebody is listening in, and he doesn't like what he's hearing...

<fade over to another Liquor Store, down the street...>

Scene: Things are just as chaotic at another liquor store two blocks away...
However, they aren't chaotic in the exact same way... Shattering and Breaking
and Cursing can be heard on the inside... Suddenly, Larry, one of the workers,
goes flying through a window... A kid walking buy helps poor Larry to his
feet...

Kid: You okay, sir?

Larry: NO! I'm not okay... First it was Daredevil, then the Hulk, and now
this!!! This is the third time this week!!! Every single time a f**in superhero
brawl starts up, it's always ME that ends up getting bodily harm inflicted!!!
IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! Why don't they go after the politicians? Or The Evangelists?
Or those annoying Prohibitionists? Why is it always $#@$@# me?

Larry walks off, picking shards of glass out of his butt....

Larry <fading into the distance> : I need a safer job... Hm, I wonder if that
job at the nuclear power plant is still open...

Meanwhile, sound of stuff breaking can be heard coming from inside the
tavern.... Suddenly, Ramrod and Slab come running out of the bar, each holding
an armful of beer bottles with Ruckus and Thumbelina following... 

Slab: You think we broke enough stuff to get paid sis? 

Thumbellina: Yeah, but let's be on the safe side, if you catch my drift...

Slab is a mutant with the ability to grow in size... His body begins to vibrate
and throb, growing at incredible rates... Where once a tiny little man stood,
now a great behemoth lies. With a swing of his cadillac-sized fist, the front
end of the liquor store is reduced to fragments... 

Ruckus: YES!!!!!! Good Punch, dude! (Um, where's Hairbag?)

Slab <shrinking back down to normal size> : Uh... Oops... Last I saw him, he
was drinking from the toilet in the backroom of the store... Um, he never got
out did he?

Suddenly, the tattered form of Hairbag comes flying out of the rubble, claws
aimed at Slab's throat... He seems a little pissed...

Hairbag: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Slab: It was an accident!!! Honest!!!!

Slab and Hairbag begin brawling it out, while Ramrod and Thumbellina try to
keep them apart...

Thumbellina <having problems holding Slab back> : Can't we all just get along?

Ramrod bats Hairbag over the head with his wooden staff...

Ramrod <to Hairbag> : Perro Malo! Bad Dog!

Suddenly, a really foolhardy photographer from a local newspaper happens
upon the scene... He gets a little too close to the action... Thumbellina
points to him in an attempt to break up the brawl between Hairbag and Slab... 

Thumbellina <pointing> : Hey! It's a photographer! Remember: We get paid extra
if we get our mugs in the paper!!! SMILE!!!

Suddenly, Ramrod, Thumbellina, Slab, and Hairbag all turn towards the Camera,
without changing their positions, with big smiles planted across their faces...

Ramrod: Cool... Huh... A Kodak Moment... Whatdoyaknow?

Thumbellina: We get paid more if we get ourselves on the local news. Keep your
eyes and ears open for any television cameras. Speaking of ears, Ruck, why
didn't you join us in our bonding moment?

Ruckus isn't paying attention. By amplifying the sonic input around his ears,
he is able to "suck in" sound from all over... Normally, he uses it to keep
an ear out for police sirens, but tonight, he hears something else entirely...
The breaking of a beer bottle... The sound tears at his psyche... To Ruckus,
the breaking noise of a beer bottle is the equivalent of the scream of a young
child... With a shocked look on his face, Ruckus turns towards the others...

Ruckus: WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO???? WHO COULD COMMIT SUCH A HIDEOUS CRIME
AGAINST SUCH AN INNOCENT THING!!! The poor thing...

Thumbellina: Oh, not this again... Ruck... As great as beer is, it's not
alive... Therefore, when you hear a beer bottle break, it's not that big a
deal...

Ruckus <sounding a little off his rocker>: It's not big!! It's bigger than big!
I shall find the beer bottle murderer, and put an end to his sadistic KILLING
SPREE!!! 

Ruckus runs off, laughing hysterically...

Hairbag <sighing> : Do we -really- have to follow him?

Thumbellina : Oh, what the hell... Do you have anything better to do?

Scene: Back to other liquor store, two blocks away... The angry mob is still
ranting and raving with no end... Several Onlookers watch the protest from a
distance. The noise has attracted Logan and Jean, who watch the whole scene
from the street corner... Logan lights up a cigar, keeping a half-eye turned
towards the protest... He lets out a puff of smoke away from Jean, and promptly
turns toward her...

Logan : You know... A wise man once said 'Some people fight for a dream, while
others dream for a fight'... Look at 'em... If this liquor store wasn't here, 
I'd bet they'd find something else to complain about...  Just enjoy hearing
themselves shout...

Jean pauses for a second, and responds:

Jean: Do you think that's how people see us? As a bunch of noisemakers fighting
for some pointless dream?

Logan: If I thought Chuck's dream was pointless, I wouldn't keep coming
back to defend it again and again. 

Logan releases another puff of smoke, towards the demonstration...

The demonstration carries on... The broken beer bottle that Marge had shattered
against the ground - The beer oozing from it is running all over the place,
like the blood of some ravaged animal... And like the blood of a ravaged
animal, it attracts predators...

He can smell it in the air. The life essence of a murdered innocent. Ruckus is
gifted with the mutant ability to twist sound as he wishes. With a minimal
effort, he can pull sound towards his ears, hearing everything - even that
thing he never wants to hear - The Vicious Murder Of An Innocent Beer Bottle...
He had heard the sound before... Each time vowing to stop this hideous act...
Now, he intends to make good on his vows...

Marge, the primary prohibionist demonstrator, continues to shout and scream
about the evils of "Demon Rum"... The protesting crowds are starting to wear
thin... Only the hardcore prohibitionists, the most aggresive members, are
left... However, Marge will not cease... She considers herself on a one-man
mission from God to "save" the world from the influence of Alcohol... 

And... You know what happens when two people who are on one-man missions from
God meet with each other...

Marge <shouting through Megaphone> : For the Children! WE Shall Overcome! The
Evils Of Demon Rum shall be wiped out! Not a single beer bottle will be left
standing!!!!

Marge picks up a beer can, crushing it under her feet... Several feet away, the
crushing noise is heard by a certain somebody leaping in on the protest...

Marge: Ha! And soon every ot- Uh-Oh... 
 
Marge is distracted by a disturbance coming from about a block away... 
Logan, who had turned his head away from the demonstration to let out a puff of
smoke, hears Jean Grey's voice flare up, in a very puzzling tone:

Jean: Logan, I think you ought to get a look at this...
        
He flies through the air, in leaps and bounds... A sonic hum eminates through
everything... Ruckus has arrived... The crushing of the beer can was the last
straw... It rips away at his heart... In a sonically amplified voice, Ruckus
screams:

"MURDERER!!!!!! IN THE NAME OF ALL THE POOR, INNOCENT BEER BOTTLES AND CANS OUT
THERE, YOUR REIGN OF TERROR IS COMING TO AN END!!!!"

[To Be Continued]

Next Issue:

CHARGE OF THE BEER BRIGADE!!!

(And that's only the beginning...)
