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@ Alternate X-Men #63 @
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Michael Triggs at TRIGGS_MICH@bentley.edu
Title : **The MilkToast**

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Cover : Wolverine is in the middle of a misty blue room, fighting against
        an army of angels, being led by a particular big one. The large
        one stands well over seven feet tall, with bronze-plated skin and
        glowing red eyes. Dressed in white, he wields a giant sword, and
        is attempting to decapitate Wolverine. In the foreground is a 
        small green turtle downing a tankard of milk.

Caption : Wolverine .. Against the Heralds of -- God?

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@ A Quick Recap @
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The X-Men [Jean Grey, Beast, Wolverine, and Bishop], after a failed attempt
to track down Scott Summers, who was captured by Sinister, are rescued from
the outskirts of Alaska by a dimension-hopping mutant by the name of Locus, who
had been sent off course by Gateway after attempting to confront him with
something, apparently familiar with who he is.

After returning the four X-Men to the campus, Locus leaves to go after Gateway
again. The four X-Men are surprised to find the Mansion a wreck. Wolverine, in
attempting to enter the mansion, is attacked by something big. Already in a
weakened state, he is quickly knocked unconscious, only to wake up somewhere
else .. 

@And that's where we left off@

Scene : An indefinite, blue, cloudy, hazy place, that sort of resembles 
        a waiting room.. In the middle of the room, there is a table full
        of large cookies.. Wolverine holds a large cookie in his hand, and
        begins munching on it.. He speaks out somebody, who apparently is
        invisible or something, since he is in the room alone..

"Okay, so you made it clear this is ETERNITY. Now, who the $@$@ are you?"

A disembodied feminine voice : I am God's secretary. 

Wolverine notes a large refrigerator out of the corner of his eye. He walks
over to it, being particularly thirsty from eating all of those cookies.

"Okay, now could you be a little more specific about where the heck I am?"

God's Secretary <hauntingly/whining> : "But I get paid more for being 
  enigmatic."

Wolverine opens the refrigerator, noting that it contains nothing but milk.
He growls at the voice's comment.

God's Secretary : "Okay, okay. Sheesh. This is Heaven's Waiting Room."

Wolverine guzzles down a carton of milk.

Wolverine <wiping his mouth> : So that means I'm dead again? Great. Just my 
  luck.

God's Secretary : "No. If you've only gotten this far, that means you're 
  having a Near Death Experience."

Wolverine finishes another carton of milk. "You had me scared for a sec,
there.. BTW, do you have any beer? I ain't a milk person.."

God's Secretary <frustratedly> : "You had to go and say that, didn't you?" 

Secretary : <shouting to somebody else> - "Mel! Send in the Irish
  folk-singers!"

Secretary :  <to Wolverine> - "Sorry I have to do this to you, but it's company
   policy.."

Wolverine : "Do what to me-?"

Before Wolverine can finish his thought, several Irish people, glowing radiant
blue, one of them drastically overweight, float in through a brown door that
suddenly appears. They begin singing "In Heaven There Is No Beer", the 
particularly fat one also being particularly tone-deaf. Wolverine covers his 
ears in pain, as the singers trudge out through a door..

Wolverine  <covering ears> : "Argghhh!!! Are you sure this is Heaven? Sounds 
more like Hell to me.. I want out of here.." 

Wolverine suddenly spots a red door out of the corner of his eye. He
trudges up to it angrily, as the disembodied voice shouts in protest.

"No!"

"Wait!"

"You don't.."

<Wolverine turning door knob>

"Want to"

<Wolverine pulls on the door as it creaks open>

"do .. that."

Wolverine senses a presence standing before him. Hovering around the seven foot
mark, a golden humanoid, with white wings, points a golden sword directly at
Wolverine. From behind him, several other angel-like beings can be seen. They
look a little pissed off. 

Wolverine : "Who the hell are you?"

Of in a corner, a buzzing noise goes off. A mechanical automated voice pipes
into the room. "Logan, you have been fined one credit for use of unacceptable
language."

The Golden Being : "Who the hell am I? I am the Archangel, and hell is where
  you're going."  <a glint in his eye>

<fade out>

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@@Interlude Begin@@
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Professor Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters

** The Berkshires, MA **
-----------------------------------------------

The weather has just started to warm up. A tennis court outside the school, off
from the buildings near a heavily forested area, is being used. The sounds of a
tennis-ball bouncing on canvas can be heard.

Monet St. Claire and Paige Guthrie are engaged in a kill or be killed game of
tennis. Leech, a young green-skinned mutant is seated, along with Jubilee, 
who is wearing rollerblades. From a bush, the distinct blue eyes of one whom 
the others have called Penance glare forth.. 

Leech <trying to walk away> : "Leech no wanna watch ball bounce. it boring."
                                               
Jubilee grabs Leech by the cuff of the neck, pulling him back. "Oh no you
don't, you little rugrat. Your stickin around to make sure M doesn't cheat
with her powers."

M <while playing> : "Oh please, I'm more than capable of beating Paige without
  access to my powers."

Paige <swatting the tennis ball> : "Talk is cheap, hon.." 

Leech sighs aloud. He stares up, noting that somebody who wasn't there a second
ago now is present :

Sitting atop the referees chair is a small aborigine called Gateway.. Looking
fairly ancient, he has always been the enigma on campus.. Or, the most
enigmatic, at least.. Sitting cross-legged, there is the slightest hint of
expectation in his forehead.. Almost .. as .. if .. he .. were ..
-- waiting for something.
                                                  
Something suddenly happens. A bright sphere appears over the tennis court. M
turns her head away from the game, only to be nailed in the noggin with a
tennis ball. Paige drops her racket in awe, as some human form emerges from
the glowing portal. Dressed in black and gold, with a red visor and facial
tattoos, the mysterious female form drops to the ground in free-fall, her long
hair being scattered about by the wind. 

She heads right from Gateway, seated in the referees chair, muttering
incomprehendibly along the way : "Gateway! That's it! I need your help man!
Quit this monkee business forcryingoutloud, andtellmewhereandwhenand
howI'mhere! You'retheonlyonewithalltheanswers. IfIthinkIknowwhereIamthenI'm
prettysurewe'rerunningoutoftime! Thatnut'sgonnablowupthewholefrigginworldare 
youlistenin'toawordI'm sayin'?"

A big grin appears on Gateway's face, as an extra-large tennis racket suddenly
appears in his hand. As the person we know as Locus heads towards Gateway in 
freefall, Gateway suddenly swats her with the tennis racket, sending her
flying into the air. A portal suddenly appears before her, the momentum from
the impact sending her through it.

As Locus passes through yet another portal, she can be heard saying while going
through..

"GGGGAAAAAATTTTTEEEEEWWWWWWAAAAAYYYY!!!! AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!"

The portal disappears, and Gateway returns to a state of non-emotion. Jubilee
scratches her head, as Penance peers out nervously from a wooded area nearby.

Jubilee <confused> : "Can somebody tell me what just happened?"

M stares intently at Gateway, speaking to him telepathically. "What is going 
on, mentor? Who was that?"

The inner gears of Gateway's mind begin to turn. He communicates mentally back
to M : "It isn't time for us to be involved yet. If we do, -He- will know, and 
all hope will be lost." 

M <telepathically> : "Who will know?"

<A silence from Gateway.. A silence..>

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@ End Interlude @
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Scene : A long hallway.. Wolverine is the best at what he does.. In this case,
he's found that he's particular good at running.. Of course, having a legion of
pissed off angels hot on your toes helps too.. In the front is a particular
large angel, golden-skinned and muscle-bound, wielding a sword.. The
Archangel..

Wolverine <shouting back as he's running> : "Hate to tell you, bub, but your
  name's already been taken."

The Archangel slashes at Wolverine with his sword. "I am the original
Archangel! I was he who drove the minions of Lucifer out of Heaven! My
deeds are truly grand!!"

Wolverine <not looking where he's going> : "And so's your ego, bub."

Wolverine has his head turned, and completely misses the brick wall which
suddenly materializes in front of him. He crashes into it with a loud THUD.

Seconds later, he is grabbed by the legion of angels, who take him down 
several hallways, into an isolated chamber. In this chamber, an old man
sits at a tollbooth. The legion of angels shove Wolverine through the
tollbooth, as he lands with a thud on his knees.

The Old Man  <holding a book> : "I am St. Peter. Prepare to be judged.
  If Ye be found worthy, you shall be sent to Heaven, and if ye be found
  unworthy, then GO TO HELL!!"

From behind Wolverine, an assortment of angels drinking milk engage in stupid
human tricks, chanting "HELL! HELL! HELL! HELL!" as if they were at some
football game or something.

The book the St. Peter carries, entitled "The Life Of Logan", suddenly erupts
into flames. "No contest. Dude. Ye have lived a sinful life. So, Johnny, tell
him what he's won!"

A gameshow spokesman suddenly appears, as the limelight covers him :

"You've won an all-expenses paid trip to hell, where you'll roast for eternity,
 and get a killer tan. Not only that, but you'll meet Satan, BARNEY, and a
 whole bunch of famous celebrities and ex-presidents! Back to you, Pete."

St. Peter grabs a lever, and pulls it to the right, the caption at the bottom
reading "Hell Or Bust"!!

St. Peter : "This the part of my job I like the most. Huh.. huh huh huh huh.."

Wolverine <unsheathing claws> : "If you guys think you're sending me to hell,
then you can damn bet I'm taking all of you with me! I have friends on the
earth that need me, and damned to the first person who gets in my way."

The angels begin growling at him, shouting obscenities. Suddenly, the presence
of another is felt, as the entire room goes silent. A puff of smoke emerges
from the entrance to the judgement chamber. As a calm, old voice rings out.

"Further violence won't be necessary Wolverine. You're free to go."

God points to a revolving door, which suddenly illuminates.. A large sign 
above the revolving door reads "BACK TO EARTH - MUTANTS ONLY"..

The crowd clears, as short man smoking a cigar walks through the crowd. The
Archangel looks down on him, with an almost reverent expression on his face.

"But God, you said we could do with him as we wished!!"

God : "Michael, I said you could abuse the Wolverine of Alternate-Earth 513. 
He was truly an evil beast. But the Wolverine of Prime-Earth is not ready to be
judged yet. His life hangs at a critical point. He is still needed down below."

The Archangel mutters, twiddling his thumbs : "Oh bother.." 

God : "Oh cheer up.. I saw Kurt Cobain making a keg run a few hallways down..
  I give you permission to abuse him.."

The entire legion of angels storms out, holding their milk-kegs over their
heads, clanking them together.. The "HELL" chant begins again as they storm
out..

Wolverine <to God> : "Thanks for the save, bub."

Wolverine walks towards the revolving door.. As he does so, God's head drops..

God <as Logan passes through the door> : "Don't thank me. You have been spared 
judgement. But your trial is only beginning.."        

END.

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@ NEXT ISSUE : @
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So, who's lurking in the X-Mansion anyways? 

And where did Locus end up?

And what about Psylocke and Archangel?

And what about those Red Sox?

[BACK TO THE REAL WORLD!!]

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@ ALSO : @
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Check out X-Factor Protocols #4. This plunge into the lives of the most recent
threat facing the X-Men is going to end with a proverbial bang, which will have
a major impact on the main Alternate X-Men Series..
