Once there were three little pigs who lived together in mutual
respect and in harmony with their environment. Using materials that
were indigenous to the area, they each built a beautiful house. One
pig built a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of
dung, clay, and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small
kiln. When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their
work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination. But
their idyll was soon shattered.
One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw
the pigs and grew very hungry, in both a physical and an ideological
sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw.
The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting,
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!" The pigs shouted back, "Your
gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs defending their homes and
culture." But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his
manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of
straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf
in hot pursuit. Where the house of straw had stood, other wolves
bought up the land and started a banana plantation.
At the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and
shouted, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!" The pigs shouted
back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor!" At
this, the wolf chuckled condescendingly. He thought to himself: "They
are so childlike in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go,
but progress cannot be stopped." So the wolf huffed and puffed and
blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to the house of bricks,
with the wolf close at their heels. Where the house of sticks had
stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for
vacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglass reconstruction of the
house of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkeling, and
dolphin shows.
At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and
shouted, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!" This time in
response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of
protest to the United Nations. By now the wolf was getting angry at
the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of
view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed
his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on
from eating too many fatty foods.
The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a
little dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to
liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs
who had been forced off their lands. This new brigade of porcinistas
attacked the resort complex with machine guns and rocket launchers
and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to
the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs.
Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education,
universal health care, and affordable housing for everyone.
Please note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No
actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.
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