I'm an IRC nut and hang out there an inordinate amount of the time. I probably wouldn't bother, but it keeps the loneliness at bay. Ever since Jason and Ginger left, I've hit the IRC hard.
I'm waiting to hear from LadyDawn a friend on IRC, to talk about this journal. I need to talk the idea over with someone, if only to clear my head about it.
The channel I hang out in is #bisex, and yes, I am bisexual. Even thought I'm male, because of the channel I'm in I occasionally get hit on.
The crudeness of some of the attempts helps me understand what women often complain about.
Private messages of r u m of f or age?sex?stats?
I usually think of some humorous way to answer these. Mainly to weed out the men from the boys. And it is always men. I've never been hit on by a woman. It makes you wonder. My little attempts at humor just test to see if they have the intellectual capacity to banter, or roll with the punches. If they do they might actually be interesting.
So, last night I got a message...A new window pops up
Godpsell> age?I do a quick calculation and answer with
200 in dog yearsand close the window
A few seconds later, a new window, also from Godspell, pops up.
Godspell launches his calculator.
That's when I saw the nick for the first time. I mean, the first time I really saw it.
A quick /whois shows that Godspell is hanging out in the channel #teens4christ
I'm sure I let out an audible groan. I mean, here is this teenager, who is an obvious Christian, talking to me, a guy hanging out in #bisex
I can only wonder why.
Well I was once a teen4christ, long before there was an IRC channel devoted to it. Today, I say that I only believed all that stuff because I had never examined my beliefs.
"I'm neither a teen nor 4 Christ" I wrote quickly back. Then "I'm a devout agnostic". I sort of hoped the devout agnostic oxymoron would be questioned. Instead he just folded with a final "sorry you feel that way" and "I'm a local call if you ever need to talk. Look me up"
Then I noticed we used the same local ISP, here in Charlotte.
I slumped in my chair, furious with myself for misjudging him. He's probably a nice guy, not the Horny.Net.Geek or militant Christian I thought he was.
We all make mistakes. I just actively reacted without looking or thinking. I missed two important facts, and struck out like a cornered animal.
I wasn't too harsh, but then I know what I was thinking. What I could have said.
Maybe I am a devout agnostic, religiously pushing and protecting my undecidedness. I refuse to commit or deny any religion. I wont do what society says and choose between gay and straight. I always choose the path with the most options.
The middle path.
I reside in the grey areas of our society, trying not to slide through the cracks. Morphing from one face to another, never settling on any convictions.
I'm sitting here at lunch, thinking about this. I think that maybe, I just haven't found the answer for me yet.
That's the other facet of agnosticism. The search for truth. We are only agnostics until we know truth. Then we become something else
Come with me on my journey, and we'll go in search of a new place