Tuesday, August 12, 1997 -- Court Date
The Early Report.		I haven't been to court yet. It's this afternoon, but I thought I'd go ahead and put up a webpage. It might be the last one for awhile, it might not. Yesterday's entry was somewhat frantic. It's how I felt. I'm still worried, but today, I'm much calmer, less insane. I spent some time on the phone with the DMV trying to figure out what fines I owe on my license, and all that, but it just keeps giving me a "Can't be accessed at this time message." That's probably bad, but if I can get a continuance today, I can probably get one of those printouts of everything for a little money. Today I feel like solving my problems, yesterday, running from them. I wish I knew why I run. I wish I knew why I can't find a career I like, or even know what I want to do. I have some ideas, but I'm afraid now, I started my own business with hopes that this would be the thing, and it wasn't. I don't even know if it's something inside of me, some destructive part that is holding me back. I tend to think my problems are my own fault. That's the way I live my life. But I still want to run away from them. Of course, if it's something inside of you, and you run, you bring it with you. Kinda pointless. Azura got a job yesterday. She's doing it now. The agency she got her job at said they could get me a job paying 9,000 more dollars a year than I'm getting now. Either they are full of it, or I'm being underpaid. Probably both. So I think, I can get another job, similar to the one I have now for more money. I wouldn't have to go to St.Louis, I could just leave here. The ethical side of me says this isn't the best choice. I need to work with the people here and get things settled on this project. The unhappy side says go for the Money. At least get paid well for what you don't like. But if I change jobs now, I'll need to stay at that place for long enough to justify their hiring me. Putting off the decision to determine what I really want to do. Of course, I can see the counsellor here in Charlotte if I do stay. And do I want to go to St.Louis if I can't drive? That would be a real hindrance, in a place I've never been, trying to commute without a car. I'd have a couple of weeks to deal with this, but that's it. So what do I do? I'm not sure today. I called a place here in Charlotte that does career and counselling services. They take two days, and go over your desires/wants/needs/skills and help you determine what that career path you want is, and what skills you might need to do that. Part of it is that I know what sort of job I want, or rather, what the work environment would be like, what sorts of tasks I would like to do, but not what the particular job is. Maybe they can help with that. Of course, I'm not making any decisions today. Maybe tonight I'll make some, once I know what is going to happen today. It's still three hours until my court date as I write and upload this. I'll write more tonight, If I'm able. Generic Joe's A Typical Male