11 Jan 1000
I grew up on the west coast. We used to go to Santa Cruz and the beaches.
I've never seen an ocean.
It's not like anything else. It's the mother of life. It's also part
of my Santa Cruz Nightmare.
If you like Santa Cruz, how can it be a nightmare?
Because I can't get there. Like I get to the beach, and then it's not
a beach.
Last night I was walking along the beach. Then it became this murky
river. I waded across in a low spot. After hiking around the valley, I
got back to where I started, and I spent some time just listenning to the
breakers. I wanted to play in the surf, but this time I noticed all the
warning signs. The beach was closed because of pollution. Then it was this
filthy river again with three sharks patrolling back and forth.
I knew the Ocean was somewhere beyond the River. I wanted so much to
be there. I just knew if I threw myself into the Ocean, it would wash me
clean and keep me safe and warm.
But it's across the River and I can't reach it. All the bridges have
a toll and I don't have any money. I have to scramble underneath and sneak
across the River. But then there always another River to cross.
And sometimes I get tangled up in the mountains, so I never get to
reach the shore-there are so many mudslides.
Do you ever reach the ocean?
Sometimes.
Then what happens?
Nothing. I'm too afraid.
'I was reading Patricia's comment on
the relative energy of a candle and a star. Then I recalled once my father
pointing a faint wisp of light among the multispectral stars. Remember
that, he said. That was our home, the Milky Way.'
-kendricks Harmony
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