A Yearn

My mind has turned inward lately, seeking and questioning, uprooting and tossing the roots of the past in an attempt to gain perspective. To regain myself through all I carry which has remained buried and lost. It is not as simple as reading a manual to correct. Buried deeply are hurts and fears of lost past love, lost aspirations and disenchantment which I alone allowed to encroach upon my soul. The gremlins have tugged and pulled at my heart ....rising at night to peek their head out and remind me, causing tears which I accept as the price for my actions. Somewhere and somehow, through the rains and sunrises of my life I have accepted that I am incapable of maintaining a relationship. I yearn to clean the darkened slate. To open my eyes in a new tomorrow in which my heart could embrace my soul gently and hold the hands of my mind as they embark upon a new and enriching journey.

Oh how I know it is my job to make things right. Even so...there are moments I wish someone would take my hand and simply be there...no matter what I need to say...or how I am. To warm me, comfort me and help me not cry tonight. Maybe I don't deserve that. Just one of those days...where fragility has crept in.

Sheeeessh, I have the temptation to erase all I've written above. I recognize a familiar rising tug and pull....