A Parting

We met long ago during an the "indian summer" of the late fall. The leaves rustled and crackled under our feet as we walked together for the first time. At first I did not know if you wanted to be beside me or whether or not you had the time, nor what the future would hold for us together. I remember our finding secluded spots in the forest to share together. The first being the one I so very much wished to share, with the sounds of the river nearby as we lay upon the big rocks warmed from the long days sun. I remember when we paddled through the Badlands together and saw the cranes, which seemed as large as the canoe flying by . You don't know this but I have since returned to that place alone because I needed to know that I can still see and feel the beauty there without you. I had to leave you because I could not accept that all the thoughts, smells and wonderings we shared about the future were being replaced with daytimers and financial aspirations - but mostly because you felt you knew me better than I knew myself.

All I ever offered you was me. I did not promise anything more or anything less. When the eyes of your heart closed there was no way you could see me. My touches floated by you. My needs became demands to you. When we parted I did not expect the fury and acrimony, your verbal daggers nor the sheer coldness. I know you dislike me very much, I know you have your big house, I know you have your trips all over. I am happy for you.

My bookcase is full. I still walk in the rain and continue to use the ATM as my only source of accounting. When it is nice out I fly my kite and yes...my runners are muddy often. I want you to know that I do not hate you...but certainly cannot be near you. When I did as I did it was not as easy as you imagined...or could know. My soul was at stake.