Saturday, January 8, 2000
i'm tired - had a long week.
this morning i'm sitting here looking around the place...... wondering what is instore for me today. ok, so that's what i usually do on Saturday mornings.... Mims and i sit around and i tell her about the things i SHOULD do around the house and she..... well, she just sits there. but, i'm sure if she could talk she'd say... "so, get off your ass and do these things. you've only been talking about doing them since you moved in here 2 Mays ago!"
i think i like it better that she can't talk.
i know that i am moving and turning and twisting inside myself because i am in the process of untangling the mass of shit that has emerged throughout the years....... i just wish that i could really talk about it all. if i could get a really good handle on what is really happening........ i don't know, maybe i could.... i don't know, help others.
GAH! there i go again. HELPING OTHERS......... i'm so good at that - you know! if i was only half as good at helping myself..........
i always think... if i could juusssttt get a liittllee more sleep...... i'll be ok! Nature of "the beast", i guess. In fact, there is a great book on depression by Tracy Thompson called, The Beast. She's a writer - or was a writer for the Washington Post (i think that's right). Anyway, it's about her struggle... kinda like Elizabeth Wurtzel's Prozac Nation. it's just another look at the craziness of depression.
i know, i know..... i'm consumed... i'm obessessed... i'm sorry :o(.... it's just that it's so powerful (the frickin' disease) that is sorta just does that.
HOWEVER!!!!!! i'm going to beat it! i know i will!
*sigh*
i'm tired............... maybe more kisses later........... me