I landed with a thud outside a back door. A half-dozen more thuds swiftly followed. At the sight of the bull-like horned heads of the Akatan bouncers, my would-be captors sprang up and sprinted away.

“Hey you sissies!” I shouted. “They’re just bouncers, not used chariot salesmen!” But my opponents never looked back.

As I bent to recover my trusty Craftsman™ broadsword, I noticed a small, rectangular, green and white piece of parchment lying in the dust. Picking it up I read, “Kelly Mercenaries - We Fill All Your Plundering Needs.” Instantly, a solution for my predicament sprang to mind. Rushing to the nearest crystal ball booth, I opened the Yellowed Parchments and thumbed my way to Temporary Help. I quickly scanned the ads and lists of addresses until a name caught my eye: “Wizards Are Us,” replete with a portrait of a white-bearded gentleman with the tall pointy cap and long flowing robe befitting his position. My decision was made.

Solvang’s Central Business District, while a good stretch of the legs away, was nearly as seedy as the Red Light District surrounding the Blackmore. Filth cluttered the narrow dirt lanes and many buildings tottered in serious need of restoration. Merchants’ stalls lined both sides of the streets, although several were starting to close at this late hour. I hoped I was not too late.

Then beneath a sagging awning I descried a deep purple placard with appropriate mystical symbols. Hastening over, I discovered I had indeed found Wizards Are Us. As I gingerly stepped into the narrow building and climbed a rickety staircase, I wondered what kind of wizards would work for a company in a building in such a state of disrepair.

When I opened the stout wooden door at the top of the stairs, however, I’m afraid my mouth gaped with surprise. A plush interior with thick red carpet and soft leather couches welcomed me. Tapestries of lovely seascape scenes covered two walls. An oak desk complete with receptionist stood imposingly opposite me.

The receptionist, a cute gal with bleached blond hair, vacant eyes and continuously chomping open-mouthed on something, asked, “Uh, can I like, uh, help you?”

“Yes, miss. I’d like to hire one of your wizards.”

“Uh, like, sure. Just a minute.” She whirled her head down the hallway and screeched, “Hey, Mitzi, up front and center!” Then she swivelled back to me and said sweetly, “Why don’t you, like, have a seat? Mitzi’ll be, uh, right out to help you.”

I plopped into one of the cushy couches but did not have long to wait before a petite, bright-eyed gal with brown curly hair bounced out of the hallway.

“Sir,” she said perkily as she extended her hand, “My name’s Mitzi. How can we be of service to you today?”

I rose, shook her hand, and said, “I need a wizard to help me out.”

“Well come with me, sir, and let’s just see what we can arrange.”

I accompanied her to her office, a small cell hung with cutesy tapestries of baby dragons and the like. Once seated, I explained my situation to her.

She nodded thoughtfully as I spoke, then asked, “You realize, of course, that the level of expertise that we can offer directly correlates with how much you’re willing to spend.”

“Gimme an idea.”

She consulted a parchment on her desk before responding. “Well, a top-of-the-line graybeard with full cap and robe runs 75 silver pieces per week. An experienced wizard with a short cap and full robe is 50 and our standard full robe, no cap is 25.”

I opened my pouch. It was not nearly that full. I dropped a dozen silver pieces onto her desk.

“What can I get for this much?”

She frowned. “Hmmm. We don’t have much to offer at that price.” She flipped through her sheaves for a few minutes and then her face brightened once more as she pulled out a single manuscript. “I think I have just the right wizard for you, someone who’s straight out of our Wizards Are Us Training Academy. No cap and only a short robe, mind you, but an eager spirit and full of determination. Good with numbers, too.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “All right, I’ll try him.”

“Great. We’ve just got some parchment work to fill out and then we’ll have your wizard here first thing tomorrow morning!”