Your Cinderella



To think it all started so innocently
I suppose everything of the type does
The phone rang and I let you in and it was as simple as that
Katie thought you were cute. Remember that?
And you sang and won me over and I think
I can’t be sure
But I think I loved you from that night on.

But it wouldn’t stay that simple for long
You had demands and wishes
My work could only fill the most meager of your expectations
And you stayed as if god himself had given you the right to be
there
Balled up in my brain and my heart
Knowing which screws and gears made me cry
And how much
That’s where your love came from.

I didn’t know how much I could give to one person.
That’s what you taught me.
Because surely by now you realize I gave everything I had ever had
I gave my grace and my pride and my vocabulary quiz answers
All for you, whatever you asked, because I was so caught up
And didn’t I ask one day to be
Your Cinderella?
I don’t recall you ever giving an answer.

So where was it that you carried all you took from me?
Is it locked away in a trunk somewhere?
Do you keep it stashed next to your grandfather’s Rose Bowl ring?
Just as I stowed away all our notes, the signs you gave me, none real
That you were real, but you couldn’t be
No one ever taught you how
And I can’t believe how long I went on using that as my excuse.

Maybe it was because he hit you or because he drank too much.
Maybe my mother had conditioned me to look for something, anything to save.
We were both in the wrong place at the wrong time.
And I question what we have to show for it.
I can give good head and can cry without making a sound.
I can still lose sleep for no other reason but the realization
that there are things I can’t ever be.
You hear my name one day on the street
Someone speaking it that you’ve never seen, never heard.
Do you know her, they ask
Yeah, curly hair, kinda plain?

So that’s what you took with you.
That is what you claim to have to show for it.
When your wife asks, you’ll never admit to remembering what those kisses tasted like
And when you see my face on a book jacket
And the words true love cross your mind
You’ll never admit it to anyone
Not even yourself.
Because it was all a game
And the prize was simply to see
Who could hurt the least.
So take that with you. Plant it in your garden.
See if anything grows.





poetry

away