Apparently, they're still checking, but we're hoping that they will at least put an offer on the table, so at least we have a sense of what people are paying for his skills and degree.

If I sit here twitching nervously, it's because I'm nervous. heh.

So tomorrow is our trip to Reno with the kids.

I'm begging the powers that be that Genny sleeps. She's pushing more teeth and she's a cranky bear. She's got four on top with a couple that are bursting at the seams and she's got three on the bottom with another one bursting too.

I spent all of yesterday driving all over the place and just feeling exhausted. I finally got to last night and was just so exhausted I was blubbering uncontrollably about mostly stupid things, I guess, but with an underlying thread of insecurity.

I guess I just feel like, if I'm not helping Mike get through school, I'm not sure what my job in our family will be. Mike teased me about having too much free time.

It's not that. As long as I'm supporting the family financially and organizing and orchestrating everyone's schedules, I feel like I have a place. I'll grant you that the thing that will change is that I'll be providing less financial support while I go back to school. But also, I have been feeling insecure because if Mike doesn't need me to help him with school then what will he need me for? He laughed and said he doesn't need me, but loves me and wants me to be there. Well, duh, of course.

As I wrote that, I realized just how stupid and juvenile it sounded. I'm just having a hard time with this great unknown thing...it's terrifying to me. I should trust God better than this and really I do. I just have waverings... Okay a LOT of waverings.

I once did this seminar thing with Werner Erhardt in the early 80's and they said something I can relate to. Change causes upset. Accordingly, I am anxious and upset.

This all amounts to me having a particularly human moment or two lately.

I think that in addition to my excessive humanity as of late, I'm really super tired. I am getting some blood drawn, so I can get my hba1c and my iron levels tomorrow, which might help me understand this exhaustion thing. Okay, I realize I'm doing a lot, but this is kind of chronic and knowing me and my history, I'm probably just anemic, so best to find out before I have to crap bricks from taking iron pills.

Today, I write this here for tomorrow, I play nickel slots!