I only look innocent. I've done a lot of drugs and had a lot of sex partners. I have to say that white powder drugs and I have an arrangement. I simply do not associate with anyone who uses, deals or has anything to do with that shit, any longer. My personal drug of choice is cocaine. Mind you, I haven't done cocaine in probably 15-18 years, but I distinctly remember the high and know that leaving that love of my life in my past has been a singularly intelligent choice. At that time in my life. I also could be convinced to try most white powder drugs and I did. I also tried several other things, but mostly, I really enjoyed white powder drugs. A lot.

And while, I've smoked more varieties of pot than most people have eaten cookies, it's not my drug of choice. I simply get sleepy and curl up and snooze through being high. Alcohol and I have a long history together, but I don't find it an interesting drug either. I do drink occasionally, but I don't drink to get drunk and haven't for many many years.

Well, Pauline came up two weekends ago. She wanted to go out. She left her kids home with her husband and came up. She wanted to go to her favorite bar, meet a friend and maybe dance. She still can't drive, so I played chaffeur and drove her there. She didn't want to walk in alone, so she begged me to go in with her and I did. We waited for a friend. She ordered a drink and I got a diet coke. I have been the designated driver for my friends for as long as I can remember. Mostly, because I have done so many drugs, I don't miss not drinking, snorting or smoking any more. Been there, done that.

Pauline's friend, Tony, comes in. Tony is a great guy. He's the flamingest queen I've seen in a while (my apologies, Eric) and just has a way of making you feel like a princess, but yet you feel totally comfortable farting and belching in his presence, if you want to. Well, he wanted us to walk to his apartment a few blocks away. He had family visiting there and wanted us to come. Well, we walk in to see two 8 year old kids playing in the front room, while their respective parents drink Natural Light in the kitchen. One look at the glassy eyed parents and it was painfully obvious that they'd been smoking a lot of dope, in addition to the drinking. I'll give Tony that he's got leukemia and is in a lot of pain, but what about the parents? and their kids?

I guess it wouldn't have bothered me, if the kids hadn't been there, but they were there. And there I am, drinking my designated driver glass of water and being told what a great gal I was for not drinking and how so and so wishes they weren't and I was grossed out and simultaneously bored.

Then, the teenaged sibling of one of the 8 year olds comes in wearing a black ski cap with a pot leaf embroidered on it. And one of the pot-smoking slacker parents claims him,"I told you not to wear that hat!" Okay, so I'm being judgemental, but Geeeezus.

Dude, don't close the door on your eight year old, smoke a doobie and then tell your not-blind teenager that he shouldn't wear a hat with a pot leaf on it because it's bad.

For me, being a parent, has meant giving up those party days of yore. I don't do drugs and I drink so sparingly that I can literally count on one hand how much booze I've drank in the past year and I've lived like that ever since I've had kids.

I went home and told Mike about the events at the party and said,"I feel like a fuddy-duddy." He laughed and said,"Well, I must be one, too then!"

In the morning, when I went to pick up Pauline, I saw the father of the eight year old come in the door with 2 12-packs of Natural Light and Tony was already ripped at 1030AM. I took Pauline home. She'd complained when I came that I hadn't brought the baby. Well, duh. Ya think I might have had a reason?

To cover my ass, I did bring pictures, but I was damned if I'd bring my kids there.

I tried to take Pauline back to her party pad before dinner, so I could justify leaving Genny with her daddy, but Pauline insisted on feeding her. So I had to think quick. I went to the bathroom and was all panicky about what excuse I'd make, when Mike came back and said,"So you're taking the baby, right?" And I quietly told him,"No, I hadn't planned on it." He said,"Well, Pauline has planned on it." I stood my ground. And then he started to whine because he wanted to study. I took a deep breath and I told him in that harsh whisper that your mother uses in a public place when she wants to spank your ass off, but won't: "Everyone there was drinking this morning when I picked up Pauline and they've been drinking all day. No, I will NOT take our daughter with me to that place." Mike's face dropped, he nodded agreement and then his mouth snapped shut. Then out loud, I said,"Honey, she hasn't had a bath in two days and she's so tired. Just give her a bath and put her down. I'll be back in 45 minutes."

Later that night, as we were going to bed, I told Mike,"Now you know the reason that Robin and Ken are in my will to take custody of the kids and NOT Pauline. She can be Genny's godmother. I figure I'll take any prayers for my kids I can get, but her judgement isn't always sound." Mike snorted and said, "Yeah, I totally understand that."

Genny's going to be 1 in two days. She'll never have been in the arms of a drunk or stoned person and well, I just happen to think that's great. I am FuddyDuddy, HEAR ME ROAR!