I'm consolidating my student loans to try and make them right and I originally applied online. Today, I got this mail from them basically saying if I can make reasonable payment arrangements with the lenders then it'll be a lot cheaper and it'll clear my credit record. Why, oh, why didn't they tell me this earlier? You know, earlier, before I filled out yards and yards of paperwork for this stupid thing and have suffered the indignity of getting threatened with wage garnishment from the Student Aid Commission, which only has a current way to reach me because I called them to get information on my loans for the purposes of consolidating them and making things right. They want to have a hearing, as soon as possible. *throws hands up in the air* Whatever! If I could pay them now, I would have. Geesh. It's not like I'm living in the lap of luxury and skipping out on my loans.

If I could have made proper payment arrangements, I would have realistically done it before now. Although, that seven years on my credit record ends soon, so the only bad credit I'll actually retain is going to be cleared.

So tomorrow, I call these people. They also omitted one of my loans from consolidation and I don't know why.

And it's starting to hit me that things are going to be more expensive than originally we anticipated as I add up the monthly expenses of DSL($50), basic cable ($11), rent ($1100), utilities ($250), and phone. It all makes me nervous. I know it'll be okay, but I'm nervous.

And money. Oy! I found out today that the state budget which pays the contract I'm under might not get approved for 2-3 months. I might be okay for a month or two, but after that I'm kind of screwed. It means I better get that substitute teacher credential in Nevada. I think we'll have daycare for Genny at Mike's job by the fall, so I'll have to scrounge up my cbest test score in the boxes in the hot water closet and pray I can dig that one out of the ashes of my history.

My parents never discussed the importance of credit to us. They didn't discuss their own money at all. They had quite a bit of it and we knew that, but somehow the money discussion came up with my younger brother, after I'd left home. And in the 80's, I was very busy after high school skipping from one abusive relationship to the next and working on the barebones of survival. Even if they had actually explained the intricacies of money to me, I'm not sure I'd have heard it. I've always been kind of lousy with money.

It just seems like in the day-to-day struggle of having kids and working that we eat out far more often than we should. And while I've learned to make healthy choices and alterations to things I eat, it remains a far cry from a home-cooked meal that I made myself and saved buttloads of money by making.

It's hard to plan it all.

And you know how I love a plan.

Honestly, I have this belief that when we move and I'm only working part-time, that I'll actually have all this time on my hands to do this kind of stuff. And what's worse is that I actually plan to do it.